


Make Me Whole Again

by mynameispiaivy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, Exes, Fluff, Football Player Louis, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, I swear, Jealousy, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major Illness, Manager/Publicist Harry, Marriage, Not saying who, college to after university
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 18:22:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14361033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mynameispiaivy/pseuds/mynameispiaivy
Summary: “Harry, you need to make a statement about what happened to Louis. I already received calls from Bristol Post and Independent.” He hears Mr. Ferguson say on the phone. He doesn’t know what to do. He and Jay just talked with the doctor and he said Louis did well on the surgery and is stable. They need to talk about this first, he needs to wait for Louis to wake up. If he makes a statement now, Louis will never forgive him. He has to wait.“Louis is still asleep sir. The doctor gave him something just now. He.. he did not take the news well when Dr. Atkinson told him about his leg.”“I understand Harry, but we need to make a statement as soon as possible or else the rumors will start coming up. I’m giving you and Louis forty eight hours, okay son?” He says this to him with a bit of sadness.“Yes sir.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. He has no idea what to do.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic y'all!..I am so happy that I get to share my fic with you that I've been working on for over 6 months on and off. Life happened and sometimes you just had to phase yourself and be brave. 
> 
> I have a few people to thank. These are the ones who made me sane and insane in so many levels.  
> My personal cheerleaders : ri, eli, eil, laura, genn and sterre. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your kind words means the world to me. I couldn't have done this without your encouragements.  
> My GC girls : addie, kat, avy, um and marcella. These are the girls who make my days crazy and full of fun. I'll quit being a constant pain in the bum, I promise!  
> say hi to me @missrefridgefreetorator on tumblr..promise, i don't bite (for now, teehee)  
> To my beta : R, always so patient with me. You are a breeze to work with. thank you so much sweets!  
> To Lou and H..thanks for the inspiration.  
> lastly, to my own personal boo, Alvin.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it, leave some comments. Remember to be nice. Let's love one another everyday.

****

 

All There Was

 

My greatest lesson learnt, you were mine until you weren’t.

It was you who taught me so, the grace in letting go.

The times we had was all----there was not a moment more.

 

\--- Lang Leav

 

 

 

October 20, 2016

11:00 am

Holmes Chapel, London

 

 

“ehrm, hello Anne?”

 

“Louis?” Harry checked on the caller ID. Odd.

 

“H?”

 

“Lou, uh... hey. Mum is in the kitchen, what’s up?”

 

“Okay, sorry to bother you, but can I talk to Anne? It’s Mum. Well,  she wants to talk to her. I know it’s Sunday and you’ve got the family with yeah. It's kind of important.”

 

“Sure, Lou, I’ll go check if she’s done with cooking. Hold on, yeah?”

 

“Okay, will do. Just please, tell her it’s urgent.”

 

Louis doesn’t call. He never calls anymore. _Why is he in Doncaster?_  Puzzled, Harry stands up from the couch to go to the kitchen where the strong aroma of cooked meat permeates the room. Holding his mother’s phone in one hand, he calls out “Mum, phone. It’s Louis.”

 

Anne, with her baster on her right hand, ready to dig into her pan, she holds out her left towards Harry. “Yeah, sure. Give me the phone, love.”

 

Harry watched his Mum as she carefully put the phone between her neck and her shoulder and uttering cheerfully “Hi Love, how have you been?”

 

Suddenly, his Mum’s face morphed from happy to sullen in seconds. Harry found himself stepping closer to his mother, trying to listen more of the conversation. “Louis, I’m coming over” he heard his mother say then hangs up the phone. She kept holding on the phone until her knuckles turned white. Fat tears escaped her eyes, wiping it away by the ends of her sleeves. She covered her face with both of her hands and then began shaking.

 

“Mum, what’s going on?”

 

 

 

October 20, 2016

11:25 am

Doncaster, England

 

 

Louis holds his mother’s hand. “Anne is coming over mum.”  Still clutching the phone with his hand. _This is_ _not fair_ , he tells himself. Not fucking fair. He knew something was wrong when Lottie called him and told him to get his ass on the plane and to go home now. Louis was so hungover from Steve’s after party at his Vegas house, he didn’t even notice the missed eight calls from Lottie, three text messages from Fizzy and two from Dan. He never thought that it was serious, thought it’s just about the twins losing their teeth or something. Louis looked at his mother and said “Mum, you need anything?” He brushed his fingers through her hair and she stirs.

 

“No baby, I’m ok. Can you just close the windows. It’s getting a little chilly.”

 

Louis stood up from the bed and said “Sure mum. Do you need anything else? I’m going out  for a smoke.”

 

She looked at him and sighed “You know how I feel about you smoking Louis.”

 

He does know it, he knows that his mother hates him smoking. But who cares, he needed it, he needed to breath in that nicotine. Heck he might need something stronger to make him relax. Louis then turned to his mother and said with a slight irritation in his voice, “Does it make a difference if I have a fag or two? Or even finish off a whole pack right now?" He thinks he’s going to get a headache. He feels so tired, his mind weary. He doesn’t want to deal with this now. He mutters, rubbing his eyes fiercely. “Mum, I just need this alright. I’m not mad. I just got to..”

 

Jay suddenly lifted her head from the pillow, gave him an exhausted look and said “Louis, are we going to argue about this now?”

 

He stood by the window and rested his head on the wall. His mind was racing, he needs to get out of this room now, his fingers clasped the window crank and closed it. “Mum, it’s just..”

 

Jay tried to stand up, but just leaned on the headboard of the bed and took a deep breath. “Louis, it’s going to be okay. I’m not going anywhere love.”

 

Louis then rushed to her side “I’m so sorry mum, I didn’t know. I could’ve just stayed here with you and the kids.”

 

His mother then kissed his temples and said “No one expected this Louis, we just have to be optimistic about it, yeah. There’s still some things that needs to be done.  We just can’t stop trying to find other ways, I’m not giving up, there’s still so much time. I’m here, I’m still breathing and so very strong. Let’s remain positive, okay. Now go, go out and have a fag or whatever you want to do, just don’t let the twins see you.”

 

He squeezed his mom’s shoulders and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be back, just wanted to go out a bit. Love you, mum.”

 

“Love you more, Boo.”

 

 

 

October 20, 2016

2:30 pm

Doncaster, England

 

 

Harry parked his Range Rover to the similar black one on the left side of the lot. He hasn’t been here since the breakup. He refused to go back, he can’t see this place again. He knew who’s going to be in this house, he knows he’ll be waiting. But he’s here for his mother, he’s here for Jay. Anne was unbuckling her seat belt and was moving out of the car in seconds. Everything looked the same. The front porch has few potted plants on each step, a lone child’s bicycle in one side. There’s a trampoline on the right side of the house, toys scattered all over the garden, a football net on the edge of the property, and a giant Hulk statue that’s angrily staring at him. Shit, he doesn’t want to be here, but his mother needed him. Jay needed him, Louis doesn’t. He found a stray ball at the foot of the car, held it and saw the scribbles on it. It said in bold black ink PROPERTY OF LOUIS WILLIAM TOMLINSON. FITTEST FOOTBALL PLAYER IN NORTHERN ENGLAND. Harry shook his head. No, you’re here for Jay and Anne, not for him. Never for him.

 

He walked over the foyer and held his breath, saw his mother already at the front door, knocking. They both heard footsteps, seemed to be two or three people walking towards the door. It opens and he saw Lottie together with the youngest twins. He can’t look at her, she knew what happened. Slowly, he lifted his head and gazed at those blue eyes that is all too familiar. And what he saw were kind eyes, the ones she usually has whenever they see each other. She had Ernie in one hand and Doris at her hip. “Hi Anne, she’s waiting for you. She’s in the patio with Dan. I’ll just get these two in the garden. Get them all tired before they have their naps. H, you wanna join me?”

 

Harry glanced to his mom and she hugged him “I’m okay Harry, I’ll go see Jay. Find us later, yeah.” She went inside the house but not before giving Lottie and the kids a kiss on each of their cheeks.

 

He looked at Lottie, then to the boy beside her. “You wanna play, big boy?’

 

The little boy looked at him and held both of his arms towards him. He missed this. The familiarity of this he missed the most. He was there when the twins were born, held them in his arms when they got the chance to go in the nursery. There was a lot of laughter, a lot of crying. A bunch of photos and videos of them all enjoying the moment still in his phone. He lifted Ernie, securely wrapping the child’s legs to his waist. All of them walked towards the backyard. There’s a lull in the air when he heard Lottie speak, “H, I know it’s hard, but it’s harder for him. Please, you guys just have to…”

 

He stopped her and said “Lots, he’s made his decision. He wanted this. He wanted me out of his life. And this..this is where we are right now.”

 

She then dropped Doris near the trampoline and Ernie started wriggling from his arms. Harry lowered the boy down where he practically jumped to the trampoline with his twin.

 

“Harry, I don’t know why or what made him decide this for you both. But he needs you. He’s got a lot of help to make him come to terms with stuff. It’s a struggle. We see him struggle everyday.” She moves closer, one hand extending to grip his arm.

 

Harry shook his head and said “I’ve tried Lots, you know I did. He just never ...”

 

At the corner of his eyes, he saw a figure coming towards them. “What? what did I never do Harold, tell me. Enlighten me.”

 

He then looked at the figure approaching. It’s the man that he was dreading and at the same time longing to see for months. He was walking slowly with a slight limp on his left leg, wearing a red kit with the Doncaster Rovers emblazoned on the front, the number 28 at the back with the name TOMLINSON on top of it. It’s been five months when he last saw Louis, but dear God, he’s still mesmerizing. There’s a scowl on his face when he saw him, an almost finished blunt in between his fingers. He had dark circles under his eyes but the cerulean eyes that’s looking at him right now is as beautiful as ever.

 

“I do appreciate it if you would tell me if you are coming over, Harry. A simple text or call would’ve been appropriate.”

 

Lottie who’s looking at her brother spoke with an exasperated tone “Louis, please. He’s here for Mum. Anne is already inside with her. Just, don’t make this about you or whatever shit that’s been bugging your head.”

 

Affronted, Louis then looked at Lottie “Lots really, you are taking his side now?”

 

She huffed and said “Louis, I’m not taking any sides. Don’t drag me into this. Harry came with Anne, and Mum has been asking for her. Get your shit together, this is not about you or him.”

 

Harry had his head was down the whole time and didn’t notice Louis was already at his front. He saw Louis’ left hand and saw the ring. _THEIR RING_. He gasped and saw the hand hurriedly placed inside the side pocket of Louis’ trackies.

 

“Do what you want, I don’t care. I’m going to Liam’s.”

 

He nodded and lets Louis walk past him. He heard Lottie say,” I’m sorry Harry. He wasn’t always like this.”

 

Harry smiled and said, “I know.”


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

September 12, 2012

8:40 am

St. Anselm Hall, University of Manchester

 

“I fucking hate you, you know that” He said to Harry, who was snoring like a freight train, drool spilling on his pillow. He pushed the bigger boy off his bed and heard an oomph.

 

“What the fuck Louis! I was sleeping!”

 

He then kicked him on the shin and said “I know, you wanker, I heard you snoring like a mother fucking train on me ears. Or did you forget you were actually sleeping here and not in your own bed?”

 

Harry sat on the bottom side of the bed, massaging his eyes “I know babe, I was just.. you know that you could actually put me on my side and not let me sleep flat on my back. I told you, I snore really loud when I sleep on my back. It’s not my fault my tongue is ginormous!”

 

Ginormous my ass. But, he does know that. He needs to be turned to side so he wouldn’t actually choke on his own tongue. The thing is, Harry’s chest is a good pillow. He loved waking up and having his cheek nuzzle the downy hair of his chest, or lack thereof. He’s so warm and he doesn’t like getting cold alright. Harry is like damn furnace sometimes. It’s just not right not waking up to that. “I forgot okay, I was finishing my essay last night and saw you sprawled on the bed. I was too tired to think.”

 

He then saw Harry smile, “Aww baby, I’m sorry. You were all tired doing your essay. It’s going to be okay. You got this, you weren’t asked by Professor Winston if you weren’t brilliant. He only asks the best ones to write with him for his new book. He gets so worked up whenever you give him your opinion in his works.” He pulls Louis over his body, his head resting on his chest. Hmm, comfy. “Remember last semester when he asked Zayn to help him with the drafts? He was over the moon when Zayn actually agreed to write the book with him. And look where that led to, a published book, baby. You can also be a published author and ...”

 

Louis looked at him surprised, “H, you know that I’m a member of the varsity team, right? That all these writing is just a hobby. My ultimate goal is to get drafted by Man U or any time for that matter.” Harry knew this, he told him he’s been working his ass off since before sixth form. He attended sports camps and clinics, has trained with the best, even if his mum could hardly afford it.

 

Harry then cupped Louis’ face and looked into his eyes, “I know baby, I know how hard you’ve trained. Heck you nearly gave me a heart attack when Niall hit you in the head and left you unconscious for a few seconds. Think about it yeah, you are so good in so many things, I just want you to think about other options, don’t let football be the sole purpose of being in uni okay?”

 

Louis then puckered his lips and Harry obliged with a kiss. “I know, Mum even called and said she would never want that to happen again and asked me to drop from the team. But H, it’s my dream. I always wanted to play football. Regardless of what team, I just want to play.”

 

Harry stood up and embraced him, “Okay enough of this talk. We gotta go to school now. We barely have thirty minutes to shower and eat breakfast. You want to shower first or have breakfast? Cause I can do a quick fry up while you shower.”

 

Louis thought of the options and exclaimed “We can shower together, give you your morning blowie and then grab something from the café on our way to school.” giving his boyfriend a sly look. “I think that’s the best way to start our day.” He’s got to get the most out of Harry cause the next time he’ll be seeing him will two days from now after he finishes all his essays. Damn Winston keeps on giving them so much assignments, he can’t even spend some quality time with his boy.

 

Harry lifted Louis’ chin and kissed him, “Yeah, I would like that please.”

 

 

 

July 18, 2014

11:45 pm

Babylon Club, Manchester

 

 

“This is it lads, tomorrow will be the last day of our uni life. Come next month, Tommo here will be part of the Doncaster Rovers." "I will be at Blackpool, just two hours away from each other. Let's go, Tommo.” Then raises his hand for a high five which he ignores. He smacks his shoulder trying to get his attention and raises the pint of beer he has in his hand whereby he raises his glass at him as well.  “Liam will be staying here in Manchester, cause he’s so fucking whipped, that he has to be with Zayn until he finishes his Masters. Harold has been accepted to intern at SYCO Talents Unlimited and by the grace of God, will be surrounded by beautiful people every fucking day.” Niall yelled over the noisy crowd.

 

Harry tapped Niall’s shoulder “Ni, it’s just an internship, for all I know I’ll just be buying coffee and be first name basis with the barista by week one. And just so you know, I only find one boy beautiful.” He then winked at Louis who suddenly turned quiet. “What’s up, babe?” asked his boyfriend.

 

Louis looked at his beer bottle, carefully stripping the label. “It’s just that I’m gonna miss this. Us hanging around, having a few pints after class, and I just.. I’m gonna miss you guys.”

 

Harry then stretched his arms, grabbed Louis by the shoulders, turned the boy to his front putting him in between his legs. “Babe, we’ll all be close by. I’ll be in London with Liam, Niall will be in Liverpool and you’ll be in Doncaster with Jay and the kids. That’s practically an hour and a half away by train. We’ll get to see each other every weekend, cheer up love.”

 

He sighed, it’s not going to be the same. He’d been anxious about it for weeks. Harry won’t be with him, he has to be in London. They got the news of his internship four months before graduation.

 

 

***

 

Harry had submitted his credentials to SYCO, asking Zayn to help in making them as polished as possible. H was ecstatic when he got the phone call, was told that an email will be sent to him as to which department head he’d be interning with and when he would start. Both of them screamed, hugged and gave wet kisses on each other’s face. He then called the boys that Harry got in. Later that night, they had the most incredible sex on his balcony, having Harry balls deep into him when Liam walked in on them with a bucket of water, chucking its contents at their tangled bodies, drenching them from head to toes. He told them to go to the bedroom like decent human beings and finish it off.  Using his duvet to dry themselves off, they walked lazily to his bedroom with the soaked duvet draped around their bodies, probably leaving traces of water everywhere. Let Liam clean it up, he’s the jerk that wouldn’t let them finish. Is it their fault if their neighbors were prats, that instead of putting on loud music or wear their god damns earphones, resorted to banging at their door at two o’clock in the morning? They were busy, okay. How could they stop when Harry had his left hand gripping his hips and was pounding his ass incessantly, his other hand stroking his dick with the same pace. He was about to come when LEEYUM decided to splash a bucket of water at them. The fucker will have to keep one eye open whenever he sleeps. He’ll get his revenge. Walking towards his room, they both languidly get to the foot to his bed, careful to not get his bed more wet as it is, and shyly kissed each other and promised to finish what they started later in the morning.   

 

After his last class of the day, he decided to just go back to his room and sleep off his tiredness when he saw Niall running towards him. “Hey mate, have you heard, have they sent you an email yet? has Coach Roberts ringed you?”

 

He stopped and pursed his lips, “Uhm no, why?”

 

He could feel the excitement bursting from the blonde boy, “They are doing the drafts now, Bressie got the call a while ago.  A few scouts will be watching our game this Friday. Mate, c’mon your room is the closest. Move!”

 

Both boys found themselves running to the stairs, taking two steps at a time.  When they reached the second floor, Louis dashed to the door with a wonky #28 written at the front. With trembling hands, he held his keys to the door.

 

“Shit, Ni. I can’t get the fucking keys in.”

 

He was shaking so much, Niall yanked the keys from his hands, and easily slipped the key and turned the knob. Pushing the door open, they saw Zayn sitting on the couch, a blunt in his mouth and a lighter on his hand, ready to lit.

 

“Hey guys, wassup?”

 

He ignored the raven-haired boy and ran to his room. He flicked the lights open and searched for his laptop. No, it’s not on his desk, he then turned to his bed, flipped the sheets and pillow, nothing. He then ducked and looked underneath his bed, still nothing. Fuck, did Harry borrow it? With no time to spare, he banged on his flatmate's bedroom door and shouted, “Mate, open up! I need to borrow your laptop. Stop shaving your pubes, Zayn doesn’t mind. He likes you all hairy like a gorilla. C’mon man, open up!”

 

Louis then heard a loud huff then door opens “Fuck you, Lewis. What in tarnation do you want now?”

 

Niall then yelled, “We need your laptop mate. It’s important.”

 

It’s only at this moment that he noticed his friend clad in just a towel, securely wrapped around his waist. Water dripping from his hair to his neck down his chest. He then saw his hairy nipples. _Like eeww_. He was about to pinch it but remembered why he had to borrow his laptop. “Leeyum, can we please borrow your laptop, since mine is with Harold’s. It’s urgent, just like what the boy said.”

 

Liam furrowed his eyebrows at Louis and said, “Are you gonna watch porn again? Lou, I told you, those sites have viruses embedded in them. It’ll ruin your hardware. And by the way, I’ll need it later too. I need to finish my essay. Z will help me with it.”

 

He then moved his fingers in a typing manner in the air and motions Liam to go and get what he’s asking him for. The boy shook his head and walked back inside his room and grabbed his laptop. He started to give it to Louis when he asked again, “Lou, swear to me you’re not going to watch porn, cause I swear to God, the last time you and that idiot used it, I had to ask Ivy to scan all my folders and delete some files. Can you imagine the poor girl discovering my encrypted files to be about cannonball, launch pad, pyramid and the deep impact. She thought I was doing research about firecrackers! At three o’clock in the morning, she calls me and said she never knew those were sex positions. She hasn’t stopped texting me since then. Zayn has to talk to her and say he's my boyfriend to make her stop.”

 

Niall who was now bawling over the couch, clutched his stomach and curled on the floor. “Payno, I don’t know what you are talking about. Honestly, we need it. Me and Louis, we actually need it right now. We just gotta get into the student portal and check our emails. I promise, we’ll be quick.”

 

His flat mate now handed him over his laptop walked toward his boyfriend and sat beside him. Louis and Niall darted to the kitchen table and starts up the computer. The boys stared at the blank space in the middle of the screen, “Hey Li, what’s your password?”

 

Liam looked at Zayn, somewhat pleading not to say it.  The other boy smiled and said, “It’s Daddy_Knows_Best”.

 

Liam burrowed his head to his boyfriend’s shoulders, groaning. “Shut up, Louis. Just shut up.”

 

He bites his lips, trying to conceal the bubbling laughter that is about to erupt. He sees Niall already snickering on his side, holding on to his stomach, face already red with delight.

 

“Please, just fucking finish whatever you want with my laptop and get out.”

 

He can’t help it, he looks at Niall then both of them suddenly burst out laughing with tears in their eyes. “Well Liam, a quick question though. What does daddy know best?”

 

Zayn who is now catching the water droplets from his boy’s neck muttered, “Baby, you’re all wet. Shit, stop that, it tickles.” he pushes his boyfriend off his neck and looks him in the eye while cupping his face. “C’mon now babe, go be a good boy and go to the room and get a towel.”

 

The blonde boy grabbed his phone from his pocket, “Oh my god, so Zayn is the DADDY not Liam? This is hilarious, I knew it!! Damn it, I’ve got to text H.”

  
  
Louis now turned his attention to Niall, “Yeah, where is curly?”


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

September 20, 2010

8:15 am

Victoria Parking, University of Manchester

 

Harry, holding a cup of coffee in his hand, walked briskly towards the front steps of the St. Anselm Hall. He had to check who his roommate will be. He came a day early, wanting to call dibs in which bedroom has the best lighting, the biggest closet and a somewhat acceptable mattress. Cause really, with his bad back, he’ll be lucky if he gets a good night’s rest with a lumpy or too soft bed. Suddenly a boy, clutching a big box, and two travelling bags on each shoulder bumped unto him, spilling his coffee on his new brown Chelsea boots and said “Oops!”

 

He then looked at the boy, who seemed about a couple of inches shorter than him, hair held by a grey beanie, wearing a blue and white striped shirt, red trousers folded at the bottom showing his slender ankles, a checkered white and black vans adorning his small feet. The boy’s face show a startled look at first and then smiled. Stunning. He’s got the loveliest blue eyes he’s ever seen. It’s like looking at the sea, where the blue is mixing with the shades of green.  He feels like drowning. A sound came out from the boy’s mouth, in what he thinks was Hi and then he heard himself say, “Huh?”

 

“ehrm, I said Hi” the boy with the pretty mouth says.

 

Shit, what is he doing. He can’t look at him like this. Focus. What the fuck did just happen. Oh, yeah, we bumped into each other, my coffee is now ruining my brand-new boots, he’s carrying too much stuff. Wait I get it now, I’ve got to help him. Okay Harry, ask him if he needs help.

 

"Howdy mate, where you at?”  What the fuck, why did he just said that. He’s never even been to America, much less lived in a ranch.  “I mean, where are you going, do you need help?”

 

The boy bounced the box held by both his arms and gestured. “I’ll be living here, I mean living in this dorm. I just got in, brought in a few boxes in my room already, just had to get these last ones in to get me settled.”

 

Harry then hurriedly grabbed the box and exclaimed “Hey, I could help. I already had my room fixed yesterday. I came in a day early, and just grabbed a coffee by the café. I didn’t see you that’s why we bumped each other, not that I don’t have eyes, it’s just that I was walking, and the coffee was hot, and I was thinking of putting it on my other hand, you know cause the other is getting too warm already and okay, I’m babbling. Uh, so my name is Harry, Harry Styles.”

 

The boy shook his arms, cause really, he’s carrying so much stuff and held out his elbow and tried to make a handshake movement with it. “Nice to meet you Harry, Harry Styles. My name is Louis, Louis Tomlinson. But you can just call me Louis, if that’s alright with you.”

 

Harry blushed, he didn’t expect to suddenly get embarrassed. “uh yeah, just Harry for me too.”

 

Louis smirked then said “Okay Harold, chop chop. We don’t have all day yeah? Let’s get a move on and have a use of those giraffe legs of yours and your ridiculously large hands.”

 

Interesting. Did he just say giraffe legs? And ridiculously large hands huh? Damn it, now he wants to find out how Louis in the brief moment that they were together already noticed these things about him. Not that he didn’t notice his dainty hands and Jesus Christ, his glorious backside. _Wait what?_ This is insane, nope. Quit it right now Styles. Got to act like a gentleman. Pull yourself together lad. Or else, you’ll be screwed.

 

 

Same day

4:00 pm

St. Anselm Hall, 2nd Floor, Room 28

University of Manchester

 

 

“Mum”

 

“Hey baby. Got all your things sorted out?”

 

“Yeah mum, I got all the boxes emptied and tidied up in the drawers and cabinet. Please tell Dan thank you for driving me to campus and helping me with all my stuff.  Told him to head off early cause I know you’ll be away for your shift, and aunt Sally can only stay with the kids until ten.”

 

“Oh Lou, I told Dan to stay with you and make sure you got everything you needed. You don’t have to do that.”

 

“It’s okay mum, I got a new friend who helped me get my stuff all sorted out.”

 

“Wow, Lou, I’m so glad you met a new friend. Okay baby, I’ve got to go. I’ve got to go do endorsements to the incoming shift. Love you Boo, give me a ring later yeah?“

 

“Yes mum, I will. Love you too. I miss you all already.”

 

He then heard a click followed by a dial tone. He sighed, he knows he’s being needy. But this is his first time away from his home, heck he actually moved and will be spending most of his time in this room, this 50 x 50 square meter of space, with his still unknown flatmate in University of Manchester, where his dreams will all come true. Louis had spent countless days daydreaming of getting accepted in uni. There was even a time when he thought he would never get in. He knew his grades weren’t pristine, but his skills in the field was impeccable. He just needed to put all his efforts and direct his attention to football and getting a good education. He’s got to get drafted in a team, that is the plan. And no boy, whether he is fit and with the kindest eyes he’s seen all his life, would deter him from his goal.

 

                                  

***

 

There was a noise that suddenly woke Harry up. He was never particular about noise, but he thought he just heard somebody drilling and hammering outside his door. He reluctantly stood up from his bed, put on the nearest shirt he could grab and walked to his door going towards the sound. At the other side of the door is a boy, a blonde boy without his shirt on, holding a pull up bar trying to screw the left side of it onto the top of his door frame. He saw other gym equipment too, scattered at the floor of the boy’s room. Two twenty kilograms dumbbells, a red resistance band, a pair of ankle weights and a football kit in one of the chairs. Harry then cleared his throat. “Hello, you must be Niall.”

 

The boy continued to screw the bar, once finished, he does a few pull ups making sure the thing could carry his whole weight. He then glanced at Harry and offered his hand. “The one and only. And you are Harry right? I’m your flatmate. Me name is Niall Horan from Mullingar”

 

Harry shook the boys hand and said “Nice to meet you. I’m Harry Styles from Cheshire. Do you need some help mate? I’m sorry I didn’t hear you come in, I was, err were sleeping.” he corrects.

 

“Sorry, did I wake you? I came in an hour ago. I thought I was alone, the lights were all off when I came in.” Niall admits.

 

“uh no, it's all right. I didn’t know it was that late. When I dozed off it was only half past six. What time is it anyway?”

 

“Eight-ish? We could have dinner now if you want. I know a place not too far from here. Do you fancy walking a bit? it’s about thirty minutes walk give or take.”

 

“yeah sure, let me grab a coat and put on me shoes.”

 

The two boys now started walking to the stairs, having had to go down four floors to the lobby. On the second landing, Harry saw a familiar face.

 

“Hi Louis, are you heading out or coming in?”

 

Louis was clad in a huge grey jumper, the hood of it fits snugly on his small head, black slim type joggers and his usual checkered black and white vans. He looked so comfy.

 

“Yes and no. I’m actually heading out to get dinner. I’m googling the nearest Nando’s and it seems about one point eight miles from here.”

 

“Oii mate, that’s where we are going. You should come with!” exclaimed Niall.

 

Niall who is now smiling to and from Harry and Louis, somehow trying to have Harry introduce him to the boy. Harry stammers, “Yes, Niall, this is Louis. Louis this is Niall Horan my flatmate. Ehrm Louis is from..?”

 

“Doncaster.” Louis said and shook Niall’s hand. He now looked at Harry with a slight grin in his mouth. “Nice shirt, Harry.”

 

He then looked at his shirt. Fuck. He’s wearing his green Gryffindor shirt, all stretched and worn out. Damn it. “Uh, I’m a big fan of Harry Potter, and this is the only shirt I could grab before we left the flat.” He’s blushing, stop it, don’t embarrass yourself for the second time today.

 

“I like it, my sister has the same shirt. I’m a Slytherin tho’. So that means, we could never be friends.” He smirked.

 

He was about to say something when Niall groaned “C’mon lads, I’m really hungry. Can we just continue this conversation while we’re walking to Nando’s?”

 

They both smiled at each other and started moving towards the stairs going down to the main lobby. Once out of the building, they all walked in silence. He found himself gravitating toward Louis. Their arms brushing slightly while walking, stealing small glances and smiles in the whole thirty minutes walk to the restaurant. Harry felt elated. What is happening? he mused. He shook his head, get a grip Styles. In no time, they all arrived at their destination. The boys hurriedly took the table nearest from the entrance and ordered their meals. It was Niall who broke the silence. “Do you lads know each other before coming here? “

“No, actually we just met a few hours ago.” Louis said.

 

“So how did the two of you meet then?” Niall asked.

 

Harry was the one who spoke first. “I was walking to the building, I mean the dorm, cause I got a cup of coffee from the corner, you know the one where the news stand is. And I wasn’t looking at where I’m going to, it’s not that I’m blind or losing my sight or something, but I was just walking with a cup on me hands, yeah. When we suddenly bumped into each other, and spilled my coffee on my brand new boots, which by the way I just bought two days ago when I saw Louis, and he was carrying so much stuff, I was feeling such a twat that I was looking at my boots and the coffee and I didn’t think to offer help right away, cause usually in different circumstances I..”

 

“Mate, stop. Jesus. So to cut the long story short, we bumped into each other, he offered to help me with my junk and I bought him a cuppa after just because he spilled his and I was feeling sorry for his new boots and all. The end.” Louis said matter of factly.

 

Harry then had a surge of confidence and asked, “Just feeling sorry for my boots Lou, or you just wanted to take me out?”

 

Louis who had his head down, slowly lifted his chin, and looked directly at Harry, batting his eyes, eyelashes casting shadows at the apples of his cheeks. “Harold, you would know if I were to take you out, buying coffee from a corner shop is not considered a date with me. Don’t underestimate me Styles, you’ve never had the full TOMMO experience.”

 

“Do pray, tell Louis. What is the TOMMO experience?” Harry challenged.

 

“For starters, young Harold. I would ask you formally if you would join me on a date. That date would entail us going on an adventure. Are you up for an adventure, Harry?” he asked.

 

“Yes, if you could hold my interest.”

 

“Oh, is that a challenge Harold? Okay, have you been to the Fletcher Moss Garden? This is a place where I would gladly take you on our first date. You see, this garden has the most beautiful quaint waterfalls surrounded by trees, shrubs and flowers you’d feel we’re in paradise. I’d walk you to the small café by the heart of the park, wine and dine you, hold your hand while we eat and hear the soft chirping sounds of the birds that lives within the confines of the park. Can you imagine that Harry, only us with the picturesque view of the various colors of the garden? I can only tell you as much, cause I wasn’t asking you for a date now Harry, am I?”

 

Harry was about to accept defeat and would ask Louis to give him the full and real TOMMO experience, when he heard a huffing sound.

 

“Okay, time out.” both of them turned their heads to Niall who had his hands crossed in to a T front of  his chest. “Will you two stop with the flirting and finish your food! The gods of Nandos are frowning down on us with the scrumptious peri-peri chicken they had set upon us.”

 

They burst out laughing and apologized profusely to the gods of Nando and Niall. He chanced a glance at Louis. He had a slight blush on the apples of his cheeks, his eyes sparkling, a genuine grin spread across his face. He lifted his left brow and pouts his lips. The side of his lips lifting forming a crooked smile. Louis looked away, faced the other way then lowers his head, but not missing the small smile he tried to hide. Jesus, he is really pretty.

 

They finished their food in twenty five minutes’ time, the boys asking each other what their majors are. Harry now knows Louis is having Philosophy as his major, Niall in Sociology and him in Business Administration. He offered a nightcap at a nearby café but Louis refused, saying he had to call his mother. He promised they could all meet each other the next day, maybe have lunch together or somewhat. Harry not willing to end the night yet, in that instant, an act of bravery or maybe just pure foolishness, abruptly asked the boy for his number. Louis fished his phone from his pockets and then gave it to Harry and asked him to text him with his phone.  Harry then typed his name and number, chooses a few emojis then pressed send. When he heard the ping tone, he hands the phone back to Louis.

 

“Now that we got each other’s number, we could text or call anytime Harold.”

 

“Sure Lou, uhm I could take you up to that TOMMO experience if you don’t mind.”

 

Louis then reached out, briefly touching the knuckles of his hand. Chuckling he said “Sure, text me.”

 

He then watched the boy walk out to the streets of Oxford, casually looking back and gave the loveliest smile he’s seen any human can ever have. He watched until he can no longer see the grey hoodie among the crowds. Niall nudges him.

 

“Mate, it’s only the first day. Don’t plan your wedding day yet.” tapping him on the shoulders.”But I could still use that cuppa you promised.”

 

The duo found themselves walking to the nearby café, ordering two hot cocoas instead of coffee and returned to the dorms soon after. They arrived at their flat and attempted to tidy up the room. Harry was just starting to put all his flatmate’s bags and suitcases in the boy’s room when Niall announced to call it a day. They both agreed to fix whatever they can in the morning before going to their classes. Tomorrow, the other boy said, is going to be the first day of their uni life, and they must look spectacular and not look like sleep deprived freshmen. He then bids the other good night then walked to his room and laid on the bed. Harry then remembered Louis. How soon is too soon to text somebody? I mean it’s not that they were on a date, they just had dinner together, so what’s the matter if he texted the lad. A simple good night is okay, right? He decided on a sleeping emoji and a kiss mark, then pressed send. Exhaustion slowly creeping in, he found himself yawning and getting comfortable in his bed. A few minutes later, he heard a ping sound and then another. He then lifted his head to find his phone and saw two messages from Louis (Harry’s emoji for Louis are the blue heart, water wave and the heart eyes. Sue him, he finds the boy’s eyes pretty okay). He smiled and opened the message.

 

“I have you know Harold, I don’t kiss on the first date.” Then an angry emoji.

 

He now sits up from his bed then typed, “No I didn’t mean it that way. I was just saying good night.”

 

“it’s okay Harry, I was just messing with you. I wish you good night as well.” Then gets a second message from Louis, a smiling emoji with blushing cheeks.

 

He found himself smiling over the screen of his phone. He suddenly lowered the hand gripping the phone and touches his lips to the screen placing a kiss over it. If he starts giggling like a schoolgirl with how absurd his reaction was, no one has to know.

                                  

 

***

 

Louis turned and looks back, he saw Harry looking at him while he walked away from the restaurant. He smiled then looked back on the road. Keep walking, he tells himself. Don’t trip, just walk as calmly as you can. God, what did just happen? Why did he say that, and what the fuck is the TOMMO experience? He’s never had a boyfriend before, heck he only had one snog with a bloke he played footie with a few months ago. The only person he’s had a sort-of-like-relationship-but-not-really-a-real-relationship was with his best friend/ex-girlfriend Hailey.  Hailey, who was the girl who agreed to be his girlfriend for the senior year. They’ve been friends since primary school. The only person he trusted with all his secrets, his only best friend. He remembered the time they had pulled each other’s milk tooth on year two and got into a fight with Shawn when he called her “Hailey Smelly.” She was also the one who gave him first love bite, just so their school would stop gossiping if he’s interested in boys or girls. When Hailey told him 4 days before their graduation that her parents are divorcing and she will be moving to California with her mom after graduation, he was devastated.  She promised to keep in touch as often as possible, but the difference in their time zones is making it impossible to catch up properly. To tell you the truth, he misses her, because she is the constant reminder that someone will accept him as who he is, and not post judgments.

 

Which brings him back to Harry. Does he know he’s gay? Did he say something when they were getting his stuff to his room? Damn it, it’s the supposed date then, isn’t it?  Harry thought he was pulling him. Not that he wasn’t interested. What is there not to like about Harry. The boy is a literal cherub on earth. He has the loveliest curls, cocoa brown in color, the tips of it reaching his long neck. Louis would like to run his fingers through those locks, maybe twirl it between his fingers, or tug it a bit. Yes, he would like that very much. There are also his eyes. Harry has the most vibrant green eyes he had ever seen. He would liken it to the emerald stone, bright and sparkling, with a little hint of blue. It’s magnetic. But the favorite part of Harry that he has trouble not staring at are his lips. It is so pink and full he could practically feel its plumpness. Is it as soft as he imagines it to be?  Will it taste like cherry? He found himself licking his lower lip and imagined another tongue doing the same motion to it. He could get addicted to kissing those lips. Louis now sees the corner of his building, reminding him of where he is right now. He walked to the entrance of his dormitory and passes the main lobby. At the right, he climbed the stairs leading him to the second floor where his new home awaits. Will his flat mate make an appearance? He shall soon find out. As he opens the door, he hears two voices coming from the kitchen.

 

Two boys looked at him, seemingly occupied with rearranging the few items in their living room. A brown love seat, a small 3-foot tall rectangular center table, two lazy boys that looked passed down from previous occupants of the flat, and a slender white floor lamp that he himself brought from home.  A twenty four inch flat screen positioned at the center of the biggest wall of the room which was set upon stacks of old books and magazines. This looks homey, he told himself. He approached the two with a smile and a ready hand.

 

“Hi, I’m Louis, Louis Tomlinson from Doncaster. I live here. Who among you is Liam?”                                                                                                                      

The tall guy with a buzzed haircut and hazelnut brown eyes greeted him, “Hey mate, I’m Liam, Liam Payne. And here is my boyfriend Zayn Malik. He’s from Bradford, and I’m from Wolverhampton, nice to meet you Louis.” Then shook his outstretched hand.

 

“Cool, I was just out and I didn’t know if you would come in tonight or tomorrow. If I would’ve known, I should’ve just ordered something for us. Have you lads had dinner yet?”

 

“No worries mate. Zayn has his own apartment along St. James street, and yeah we already had dinner, thanks for asking. I was staying there a bit and just thought of coming here to meet you and get some stuff over. I’m sorry if I’m such a shitty flat mate.” He scratches the back of his neck then looks around. “You got yourself sorted out, yeah?”

 

“I’m okay mate. I had somebody help me earlier, though there’s a few more that I need to do but overall I think I got it covered. But if I do need help, I’ll tell you guys for sure.”

 

Liam then goes to the fridge, opens it and said “Want a beer? I have some in the fridge?”

 

“It’s been a long day, lads. But that’s a rain check for sure. I’ll just turn in early. It’s really nice meeting you both.”

 

He waved to the pair then goes to his room. Once inside, he took his shirt off and pants, chucked his beanie by his desk. He went to his drawers and got a loose shirt, puts it over his head and climbed the bed. His phone starts flickering, getting his attention. He unlocked it and saw a message from Harry. This boy is ridiculous. Smiling, he thinks of the good comeback, like really, a kiss emoji? He typed the message, lets the boy squirm a bit. Another message came in. Louis pursed his lips, okay I can be a good boy, I’ll let him off the hook this time, they can talk tomorrow. He then sends the last message of the night, sets his alarm for the morning and puts his phone by the side table. C’mon Tommo, Harry isn’t the first boy that you found fit, get a grip lad, he muttered to himself. He then turned the lights off and goes to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

October 20, 2016

5:20 pm

Bewick Court, Wolverhampton

 

“Do you want some tea?”

 

“No.”

 

“Water then?”

 

“No.”

 

“Ok.”

 

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Louis looks around the room, notices two empty bottles of beers in the center table, 2 half lit cigarettes and one stick burnt to the ends on the ashtray, an empty bottle of wine underneath the table. “Where is Zayn?”

 

“You can’t stay here Louis.”

 

“I can’t go back there.”

 

“Why? Because Harry’s there?” Liam huffs. He moves from the kitchen table to the living room, sits beside Louis in the couch and took a swig at his beer. “Louis, come on you guys managed to not talk or see each other for almost two years, what does a few hours together with Anne and your family make a difference?”

 

“You didn’t answer my question. Where’s Zayn?” he looks at the boy indignantly.

 

“Louis, does it matter where Zayn is?”

 

“Yes, because he’d know what I should do. Do you not want me here?”

 

“No.”

 

“Ok. Thanks, you were always a prick. Asshole.” He then stands up so fast, few of the pillows fell from the sofa. Just as he was about to put on his shoes, he turns around to his friend, “Liam, I am also your friend, you know that right?”

 

Then it struck him. Zayn’s car wasn’t in the driveway when he got in, there is only one pair of shoes in the foyer,  one set of keys on the side table. The graduation picture of Zayn with Liam affectionately kissing him on the cheek while he raises his diploma in the air is gone from the fireplace mantel. He then looked on the sullen face of his friend and asked “Where is Zayn Liam?”

 

“He left.”

 

“What do you mean he left?” He half shouts. He chucks his shoes, hurriedly goes back to the sofa and puts his hand on Liam’s arm, gently squeezing it. “Li what happened?”

 

“Just go home Louis. Leave me alone.”

 

“Li, what do you mean he left?” he softly asks.

 

“He..he had an offer to ghostwrite a book in New York. Winston called him two months ago saying some political prisoner needed help with writing his memoirs. He didn’t even tell me he accepted it Lou. I only found out about it a week before he left.” He sees his friend’s hands shaking, brings one hand to his face while the other still clutching the beer bottle, his knuckles turning white. “And did you know how I found out?” Liam exclaims. Louis sees tears springing from his eyes. He hears him gulp and then spoke with an exasperated tone. “Trisha called me up and asked me if it’s ok if I took care of shipping some of his books and photos. She even gave me a list Lou. They have a fucking list of the things he needs in New York!” He eventually loosened his grip on the bottle making it drop to the floor, spilling its contents to the carpet. Liam then folds his left leg and places it under his right thigh, fully facing Louis now. He started bawling. “Does the list include me, Lou? He never asked me to be there with him!” he was heaving and unrestrainedly crying when Louis pulled the boy to his chest and hugged him as tightly as he could. “All he had to do was ask Lou.”

 

Louis strokes the boy’s back, up and down while his other hand holds the back of his head firmly in place to his chest. It may be seconds, minutes or hours they were like that until he could feel Liam all pliant and heavy on his chest. He gently shifts their position on the couch, slides himself out of the couch, laying Liam carefully on the cushion, placing a pillow behind his friend’s head then stands up. When he slowly walked towards the kitchen to get some water, he saw some unopened mail all addressed to Zayn. There are also bills, magazines and journals all haphazardly placed on the kitchen table. As quietly as he could, he started opening some drawers and cabinets to get some acetaminophen, glasses and some dish towels. He has to make sure the beer doesn’t fully soak up the carpet. He puts the glass under the faucet then turns the handle opening it. When about half of the glass has been filled, he walked back to the living room, places the glass and two pills of acetaminophen at the side table. He then crouched at the end of the couch and dabs the towels to the wet surface. When he was sure that the towel absorbed the beer from the carpet, he returned to the kitchen and washes the towels, squeezing the excess water and lets it air dry on top of the stools. There is only one person he knows who can help him in this situation. He gets his phone and starts looking for the number and then presses call. Three rings in..

 

“Lou?”

 

 

September 27, 2010

8:00 am

4th floor, Arthur Lewis Building

University of Manchester

 

 

“I’ll do a quick roll call and then I would like you guys to look over the board and take notes of the objective for the semester and the philosopher that we are going to be talking about in the next lecture. Please give me a detailed biographical history of Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche. Just his life story, don’t include his works or controversial views on sexuality, religion and ethnicity yet. General information people, that’s all I expect from all of you. Type at least 300 words and submit it on our next meeting. Thank you and if you have any more questions, approach me now otherwise you can go.” says Professor Winston.

 

Louis quickly jots down the assignment and hurriedly takes all his things and dashes out the door of the room. He then goes down to the next floor checking if Niall’s class has been dismissed early as well. Getting his phone from his pockets, he texts Niall.

 

“Ni, Winston sent us home early, I’m outside your room. Is your class about to finish too?” then presses send. A few seconds pass, and he hears a ping coming from his phone.

 

“Mate, I don’t think I’ll be lucky as you today, Professor Cowell just started his lecture. Damn, this guy’s boring. You can just wait for me in the dorm, Harry’s still there, he said his classes doesn’t start until 10. You can hang out there with him and wait for me alright?.”

 

He contemplates going back to his dorm and just sleep it off or agree with Niall’s plan. He types in his reply then presses send. “Sure Ni, text me when you’re on your way back okay?”

 

“Yeah mate, can’t wait to get out of here. Ask H to help you set up the game. I need to beat your ass at FIFA. See you later.” he replies.

 

There’s a tinge of excitement knowing he’ll be seeing Harry again. It’s not been that long since the last time they saw each other. They were both in the common room three days prior and went out to the corner shop to get tea and cookies. Harry even admitted he could bake better cookies than the ones they were eating. He was a baker he said. Okay that’s interesting and half hot. Boys who can cook is hot and he can’t wait to taste him. What? Where the hell did that come from? Pull yourself together Louis, he just said he can bake cookies for god’s sake. Now he’s wondering if he should bring something for Harry. He decided on getting a couple of cheese Danishes and went about his way.

 

Louis was outside Harry and Niall’s room in twenty minutes was about to knock when he turned the corner and sees the door slightly open. He swings the door fully open and stepped inside. A faint humming sound was coming from the kitchen, he followed it and loudly gasps.

 

“uuhmm..?” He thought he’s going to have a heart attack. By the opened door of the fridge, he sees Harry wearing this really short, very thin,  floral boxers. His body bent somewhat reaching for an item inside the opened fridge, the bastard even swaying his bum while doing it. He can clearly see the curve of his perky ass and the length of his hairless legs. Louis then realized why the boy didn’t hear him, he had his earphones on. The humming turned into singing and he hears Harry blurts out “I couldn’t ask for another. Aah aah aah, I couldn’t ask for another.” Louis cleared his throat then shouted.

 

“Harry, mate!”

 

Harry then whipped his head really fast, bumping his forehead to the edge of the fridge door. _Ouch._ He doesn’t know if Harry was just realizing he was only in his boxers, or he was caught dancing or that he bumped his head. He then saw the boy blushing from his chest up to his face. He moved quickly and placed his hand to Harry’s forehead.

 

“Hey, you okay Harry? Let me get some ice. That will probably hurt for sure.”

 

Harry then sat on the floor, still touching his forehead and the other hand trying to cover himself. Really Harold, you’re now thinking of doing that now. He smiled, gets the ice from the fridge looked around to find a towel. When he found a somewhat clean dish rag, he puts the ice cubes in the middle, wraps it up and gives it to Harry.

 

“Uhm sorry Louis, I didn’t hear you. I mean, I had my earphones on, duh? That’s really a stinger, aaww. Uh, let me just grab a shirt first and go check on me head. I’ll be back.”

 

Not a few seconds later, Harry came back with a shirt over his head and black joggers. He followed the motion of his hands pulling the shirt to his front, then putting one arm and the other to the arm holes. The muscles in his torso flexes with the movement he just did. This boy sure is fit. Harry then looked at him and caught him staring.

 

“What are you doing here, Louis? Don’t you have class this morning?” he smirked.

 

“Ehrm, we were dismissed early. The professor just gave us an assignment. I texted Niall and he said I could hang here with you. I’m sorry, was about to knock but I saw the door open so I just came in” he explained. Then remembering the Danish, he placed the bag on the kitchen top and crossed his arms over his chest. “I like your little number there a while ago. What were you listening to?”

 

Now, the blush returned big time. Harry scratching the inside of his ear and mumbles, “Uhm, Groove is in the Heart.”

 

“Dee-Lite? I love them. They are so fun. Wonder where they are right now?”

 

“I was about to say the same thing. I love their style. So funky.”

 

“Yeah, I agree. Have you seen their MV? The clothes are outrageous.”

 

“It’s so Austin Powery, whatever that means. Lady Kier? wow, the diamond patterned jumpsuit she wore on the MV, so groovy. Looks really hot.”

 

Now if that is not vague as hell, how can he tell if the boy is straight or not. Is he saying Lady Miss Kier is hot or the outfit is hot or both? He dropped the topic and moved on with getting plates for their pastry. Harry followed him and gets water, pours it inside the kettle starting the stove. He sat on a chair beside the kitchen table, facing Louis.

 

“Do you want coffee or tea? We have milk too if you like?”

 

“I’ll have tea please Harry.”

 

“When’s your next class?”

 

“At one, with Professor Corden, ECON 102. You?”

 

“Wait really? I got him at one too. What are the chances.”

 

And dear God, what are the chances. That’s two hours every Monday, okay he can do that. He’ll be sitting in the same room with Harry, yup he can do that. Harry might even sit beside him, yup he can still do that. Harry trying to get his attention, maybe kicking his foot so he can copy his notes, yeah still cool. Nothing to get nervous about, everything can be cordial, like two bros sitting together in a big room with about 50 or more students, right?

 

“We should go together so that we could sit next to each other Louis. What do you think?”

 

“Yeah sure, cool.”

 

Yeah, that’s cool. He is cool, he thinks. He suddenly had the urge to look for the time. The clock on the wall right pass Harry’s head says 9:10am. _Where the hell is Niall?_ The kid better be walking back to his flat or else...or else what? He now stands up, pretends to get some stuff out of his backpack. Rummages for a pen and brings out a notebook. He then scribbles random things and then glanced towards Harry. Damn, he’s staring.

 

“Aah, don’t you need to go get ready for class Harry?"

 

“You getting rid of me in my own flat Lou?”

 

He was about to answer, when there’s a sound of keys rattling outside the door and here comes the blonde boy rushing through the door. Niall takes his shoes off by the door, then immediately greets the two boys.

 

“Hey lads, what have you been up to? Eey, food!” he exclaimed then scooted on the chair beside Louis.

 

Niall then proceeds on eating Louis’ danish which remained untouched all throughout the time he placed it in front of him. Unperturbed, he also grabs the other pastry he placed in front of Harry. Unable to keep his laughter, he then asked “Niall, would you like some tea, coffee or milk?”

 

“mmmrwrdsgelishrommlkflirsh.”

 

“Sure Ni, I’ll get you some milk.”

 

“How in the world did you get MILK from what he said?”

 

“Lou, I’ve lived with Niall for more than a week now. And most of the time, he has something in his mouth when he talks, so I kind of know what he wants. Also, he doesn’t drink tea, so it’s just between milk and coffee. Simple as that.” He said matter of factly.

 

“Uhm Haz, you have a class in exactly fifteen minutes.  You better get a move on, right?” he sees Niall wink at Harry. _Huh?_

 

Harry stands up from the stool, gets the plates from the table and puts on the sink. “Yeah, yeah I’m..okay I’ll go change and uhm, Lou text me if you still want to go to Corden’s class together yeah?” he said hurriedly while backing away from the kitchen.

 

“Sure H, I’ll just hang out here a bit. We can just meet in front of the MBS building later.”

 

“Yeah, okay. Ni?” Harry then looked tentatively at Niall.

 

“Yeah Haz, we’re good here.” He responded and then gave the other boy the thumbs up sign.

 

Louis then sees Harry walking to the door at the end of the hall, then stopped in front of it, then goes back to the kitchen and says, “No Louis, wait for me here. I’ll come back and we can walk together, yeah?”

 

Louis nodded and then furrowed his eyebrows once he saw Harry turned his back at him. He doesn’t know if he should read something off from this, or just pass it off as a friend who he has a class with. Well, he did asked him to walk together to class, and was nice enough to say to wait for him to come back, so they could walk together. This friend who would walk twenty minutes back to his flat to pick Louis up so that they could walk together to the MBS building rather than do a ten minute walk if this friend goes straight from his class to the next. Hmm, is he missing something?

 

“Mate, I can hear you thinking.  Just relax, let him do what he wants. You guys are just walking together to class, okay.” and the boy pats him at the back. “I mean, H is not being subtle with it Lou. You know he likes you, right? You aren’t that dense, Louis.”

 

“Ni, I don’t really know what to say.”

 

“Dude, just go with it. It’s going to be fun, I swear.”

 

“It’s just that..” he was distracted when he sees Harry enter the kitchen, wearing a band shirt over a black tattered skinny jeans, green beanie on top of his head, with bits of his wayward hair sticking out from his nape and side of his ears. Shit, he looks so cute. He tries to avert his eyes, grabs a pillow then fluffs it on his lap. At his periphery, he sees Harry put one of the straps of his backpack on his right shoulder, walked towards the door then stops. He glanced back at them, making Louis look up to him and catches his gaze. Harry hesitates at first, opening his mouth then closes it again. He then stammered really fast.

 

“So, I’m going lads. Uhm, see you later Lou.” he sees Harry walk to the door and puts on his boots before finally going out the door.

 

“Ni, I think I like him. Do you think he feels the same way?”

 

“Louis, does the boy need to spell it out for you, like stand outside your bedroom window, holding a mother fucking boombox over his head and play the song “Baby I Love Your Way” real loud for ye to get that he likes you?”

 

“But what version though?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Well there’s UB40, Peter Frampton, Bob Marley and Big Mountain. I like Big Mountain’s version a lot. It’s really cool.” He smiled at the boy.

 

“Big Mountain then mate, straight up!”

 

Louis does like that version. He could picture himself holding a beer on one hand and sharing a spliff with Harry while swaying to the beat of the music. If he pictured Harry with dreadlocks and wearing chunky sandals, that’s his secret not to tell.

 

“That’s settled then. You like Harry, and H obviously likes you. Ah ah, no. No more buts Lou. After uni, you’ll get married and make me best man alright? Now, can we play FIFA?”

 

Louis hummed and got up to find the consoles. He could never say no to Niall. They became fast friends after they found out both of them are football scholars and are teammates. He even made it a point they went together during practice and do their work outs at the same time. With all the gym equipment Niall has, what better place to do it but here. And boy, was that the best idea he has ever had. While him and Niall do their work outs, he can also discreetly look at Harry cook in the kitchen, or do his homework in the living room, or in some odd circumstance, join them lift some weights and do some pull ups. Not that the boy needs them. Jesus Christ, he can’t even focus on his counting when he does his sit ups beside him, and he hears Harry grunt and puff. There must be a way to make it bearable for him. He has to do something.

 

Two hours had passed and both boys seemed to be bored and hungry. Niall suggested to order pizza and watch some telly. They both decided on getting cheese pizza and a huge bottle of soda. Delivery arrived ten minutes after they ordered, whereby Niall automatically opens the box, got himself two slices of pizza placed one on top of other like some sort of sandwich then took a huge bite. Where does this boy get his appetite? He opted on a slice of pizza and a glass of Pepsi telling himself this is enough, he doesn’t want to feel bloated. Geez, why does he suddenly feel nervous? He looked at the digital clock beside the television and sighed. Just a few minutes until Harry arrives, he should try to freshen up. But why? This is not a date. It’s merely two friends walking together to their class. _Chill Tomlinson._ Come on now, this is nothing. When he stands up to go to the loo, that’s when he heard keys clattering outside the flat’s door. _Shit._

 

“Your prince arrives” Niall exclaimed.

 

Louis rushed to the bathroom, shuts the door behind him and looked at himself on the mirror. Breath in, breath out. It’s just a stupid walk, nothing to get nervous about. He smells himself, nosing his pits, his chest, placed both hands to his mouth and nose then blew air. Holy fuck, he smelt like stale cheese. Where’s their mouthwash? He looked around the sink, spotting the bottle at the right corner just behind the can of aftershave. He takes of the cap off, pours the liquid into it and shoves its contents into his mouth. Swish, swish, gargle and spit, done. Now hair, not bad, fringe in place, back is not that flat from half laying on the sofa, just a bit of sprucing and he’s ready to go. He carefully opens the door and walked towards the living area. That’s when he saw Harry standing at the side of the sofa with a girl who is holding a large manila envelope laughing at something Niall said. He then sees her touching Harry’s arm and leaning her head to his shoulders.

 

“Hey” he said looking at Harry and then the girl.

 

Harry approached him and asked “ Hi Lou, are you ready? I hope you don’t mind if Karen is going to be tagging along with us to class? She needs to drop some paperwork to Corden.”

 

He bypasses Harry and said without looking at him “Yeah I’m ready. Hi, I’m Louis. Karen right? ” then puts his hand out to the girl.

 

“Hi Louis, nice to meet you. I hope you don’t mind me going with you two to Corden’s. I didn’t get to give the final draft of my thesis last semester. I emailed it to him a few weeks ago and he claims to have not received it.”

 

They shook hands for a few seconds as Louis fully looks at her. She has long luscious blonde hair, blue eyes, thin nose, full lips with a tint of pink gloss and freckles scattered about on her cheeks and nose. She’s really pretty. He briefly scans his eyes to what she’s wearing. She had on a grey romper that goes a few inches above her knees, black stockings and black knee high boots, her hand still clasping the manila envelope while the other one she used to shake his hand is now holding on to Harry’s arm. _Okay._

 

“No of course, I don’t mind at all.” He said then faked smile.

 

Louis found himself scrambling to get all his stuff, puts on his vans and gives a quick goodbye to Niall. He just wants to get going. Fast. He didn’t even look behind him if Harry or Karen was following him or not. It’s stupid, so stupid of him to think there is something more to this. When he got out of the room, he quickened his pace and literally runs to the stairs. A buzzing sound can be heard from his pocket, but he ignored it and took two steps at time until he reached the lobby. Just keep moving, don’t look back.

 

 

September 27, 2010

1:10 pm

2nd floor, MBS Building

University of Manchester

 

 

On the second to the last row, Harry found himself seated beside a red haired boy whose feet are propped up on top of the table, seemed dozing off. He looks around and saw Louis in the front row, he got his binder and pen on top of his table, his eyes and body somewhat fixed to the front of the room. Look at me. Louis, please look at me. Did I do something wrong? He began shaking his legs, a nervous tic he’s had since a boy. Faster and faster it got until he heard a loud grunt beside him.

 

“Will you fucking stop that mate! I’m trying to sleep.” the red haired boy said.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to. I was just nervous, sorry.”

 

He then positions himself away from the boy and was about to stand and transfer to another chair when he heard the boy say “Mate, I didn’t ask you to move, I just wanted you to stop. What are you nervous about? Corden is such a teddy bear.”

 

His gaze suddenly finds Louis’ who is now talking to a very tall boy seated behind him. He is smiling. Why is he smiling? What are they talking about? Would he rather have this guy to talk to than him? Why did he not wait for him to get to class when he specifically told him he wants to walk with him? Shit, I need to talk to Louis. He picked up his phone and texted the boy.

 

*** “Louis”

 

He looked at Louis. Waiting for him to get his phone and text him back. He doesn’t even move. He sends a text again.

 

*** “Louis?”

 

Harry then sees Louis get his phone from his bag, swipes his finger on the screen, looks on it then frowns. He then proceeds on speaking with the tall boy like nothing happened.

 

“Are you with a fight with your boyfriend?”

 

“Huh? No.. No, he’s not my boyfriend. He’s just a friend. Uhm, we are also not in a fight, I guess.”

 

“Look man, you wouldn't be looking like you are about to kick that guy’s ass talking to that boy of yours if there’s really nothing going on with you two. Tell me curly, in case I need to report a murder in campus to the po-po.”

 

“Uhm, I think I should introduce meself first properly. My name is Harry.” He extended his hand towards the boy. But instead of shaking his outstretched hand, the boy turned his hand into a ball and motioned for a fist bump which he bumps softly with his knuckles.

 

“Hey man, I’m Ed. And that guy you are about to pulverize is Greg, the TA.”

 

He looked at Louis again, but this time it was met with a stoic glare. Even from afar he could still tell the cerulean shade of his eyes. How he would like to drown in them and never resurface. Please tell me what I did wrong so I could still swim in those eyes of yours. _Please._ They held gazes for what seemed to be hours, when he felt a soft thump on his left foot that made him look away from Louis.

 

“Mate, stop looking at him like that. It’s creepy.” Ed said.

 

He then tries to school his face then said “I wasn’t doing anything mate. By the way, the prof’s here.”

 

A somewhat husky man with messy blonde short hair probably in his thirties strolling in front of the room. Greg, the TA stands up from his seat and approached the man. They talked for a few seconds, then he sees the professor write something on the whiteboard.

 

“Hello, my name is Professor James Corden. Welcome to Economics 102 or Introduction to Microeconomic Analysis and Policy. This fine young man right here on my left is Greg James. He is doing his masters on Managerial Economics and will be our resident tutor for this semester. He is quite knowledgeable of this class and I believe more knowledgeable than I am.” he hears a few chuckle, but most just sigh at the poor attempt of a joke from the man. Prof. Corden continues, “If any of you is caught in a snag during the course this semester, feel free to approach Mr. James and he will do a one-on-one tutoring after class.” he ended.

 

Harry then caught a glimpse of this Greg person who is now smiling at Louis. Louis on the other hand is listening attentively to what Corden was saying and is writing down notes.  And then he sees it. There is a vacant chair on the right side of Louis and suddenly gets an idea. He can feign temporary deafness or blindness at this point just so he could sit beside Louis. His hands started gathering his stuff when he sees Greg go towards that seat and sat down. The fuck. He then turns to Ed who is now nudging him and said “Mate, Corden just asked you a question.”

 

“Huh?” He looked around the room and saw all eyes are on him. Scanning his eyes, he found Louis’ eyes are on him. Shit. He pretended not to be affected and said “I’m sorry, can you repeat the question?”

 

“Are you leaving?” Corden asked.

 

“No sir. Uhm, I’m actually trying to find a seat near you cause I’m having trouble hearing from back here. But I see every chair seemed to be occupied.” He said casually then glared at Greg somewhat mocking him. _Move asshole._

 

Professor Corden who is now looking at the front row for any empty chair, spots Greg. He then tips his chin up to Greg and motions his hand for him stand up. Corden then snaps his fingers at him then points his index finger at the empty seat next to Louis. _Yes._ Small victory of the day. He walked to the aisle until he reached Louis’ side and sat beside him. He could hear Louis huffing.

 

“You think you’re so smooth.” Louis whispers without looking at him.

 

“You weren’t answering my calls or texts. What else do you think I should do to make you talk to me? I don’t know what I did wrong, honestly” he whispered back. He leaned to Louis side, getting closer. He can hardly hear him. The boy then angles his body away from him, making it more obvious he doesn’t want to talk to him. Louis’ whole body is now facing the left side of the room and he is now going to be straining himself to hear Louis talk.

 

“You are really infuriating you know that? Can we not do this here.”

 

“Where and when then? When the class ends and you’ll just bolt right out of here and then not answer my calls. If you could just tell me now Lou so we can stop whatever it is we are doing. It’s driving me crazy.”

 

He then notices a man’s belly on his periphery and hears a tsking sound.

 

“Boys, if you want chat you are free to go outside and return when you are all done. I don’t mind people chit chatting, just as long as it’s about the lesson. Now, are you done or do you need more time cause the doors are open, just saying.”

 

He sees Louis blush and said “I’m sorry professor. We are done here.”

 

“Splendid. Now would you so much as delight me for a second and tell me what is the difference between Microeconomics and Macroeconomics? Anyone from you both if you may.” Corden asked.

 

To my surprise Louis, with a smug look answered him confidently. “Macroeconomics is primarily concerned with factors concerning economy, such as inflation, unemployment and overall economic growth. Whereas Microeconomics deals with the behaviour of individual households and firm, and how the government influences that behaviour.”

 

“Very good. What is your name? Corden asks.

 

“Ehrm, Louis Tomlinson sir.”

 

“You should thank him by the way.” Corden said to Harry, then winks. “And you, mr. I-need-to-get-closer-to-the-front-of-the-room-for-me-to-hear-the-professor-but-is-actually-trying-to-chat-with-the-smart-boy-in-class guy. What is your name?’ Corden teases.

 

“Harry Styles sir.”

 

“Ok Mr. Styles. Stop trying to be cute, cause I think Mr. Tomlinson does not appreciate it. I could tell with that scowl on his face.” He then faces Louis with a huge smile on his face. “Son, loosen up, the boy is trying to be slick with you for god’s sake. From now on, no more wooing, flirting, whispering or even texting during my class. Although it is quite lovely to see, there is a proper time and place for this, okay people?” Corden teases.

 

A collective sigh was heard from the whole room, some maybe due to boredom, but most snickers with a hint of mischief. He then hears a loud cheer from the back. He spots Ed and the boy gives him a thumbs up. Idiot.  Damn it, first class and he is already embarrassing himself.

 

Both him and Louis nods and now he is now certain Louis will never speak to him again. Fuck. Two hours have passed and he still hasn’t got a clue what happened. Corden then dismisses the class and tells them to check their student’s portals for the syllabus, required textbooks and assignment. He reaches for his bag quickly so he can talk to Louis right away who is now approaching Greg, of all people. He can see Greg reach for his phone but Louis shakes his head. _Is he asking for Louis’ number?_ He walked towards them in long strides until he reaches Louis side. He hears Louis said “I think I’ll be dropping from this class Mr.James.”  

 

“Louis what?” he exclaimed.

 

Louis ignores him and continues, “I just don’t think the class will be helpful for me. I’m a Philosophy major and doing this class does not make sense at all.”

 

He then found himself reaching for Louis arms forcing the boy to look at him.

 

“Louis don’t you think this is getting out of hand. Dropping from this class is not gonna make me stop from trying to talk to you. Lou, come on this getting ridiculous.” He pleads.

 

Louis stoically looks at him and says, “This is not about you Harold.” then faces Greg “Sir, if you can help me talk to Mr.Corden about this. I see this class is part of my curriculum, and if I drop it, I still have to take it one way or the other. I’m willing to take a pass fail grade if it’s possible.”

 

Greg seemed to regard Louis a bit, looking at him pensively then said “Sure Louis. We could arrange a meeting with Mr.Corden after the next class. You are in the portal right? Look for my name on the teacher’s assistants list and send me an email of that request. But you know what Louis, this pass fail grade will greatly affect your GPA if you are seriously aiming for honors.”

 

Louis says matter of factly “No sir, I have no intentions of getting into the dean’s list or somewhat. This class is just part of the pre-requisites for my major.”

 

“That’s a shame though, you seem to be a very smart lad. We could help cultivate your potentials. There’s not much enthusiasm in the field of Economics, compared to the likes of Psychology or Communication arts.” And he sees the man leisurely smile at Louis. He finds his hand that was holding Louis right arm being brushed away by Louis’ left hand.

 

“Mr. James..”

 

“Call me Greg, Louis. I’m not one of your professors that you need to be always formal with. Just Greg from now on, okay?” He teased.

 

“Yes, sure Greg. I’ll send you an email later. Thank you.” then he nodded curtly.  

 

He clears his throat “Louis, Mr. James if you are done, can I please have a word with Mr. Tomlinson for a moment.” Louis then bids Greg goodbye and stalked to the nearest door. He followed him out of the room and braced himself. At least Louis sort of agreed to talk to him. He did right? They quietly walked through the hallways then out of the building towards the parking lots. He saw Louis abruptly turn and face him when they got to corner lot.

 

“Okay Styles, you want to talk, let’s talk.” he growled.

“I don’t know what I did wrong Louis. Why would you not talk to me? And why are you angry” He answers back frustratingly. Slowly, he took a few steps to get closer to Louis. He now sees the same blue eyes that a while ago he was thinking of being drowned into but is now looking at him full of rage.

  

“I am talking to you now, aren't I?”

 

“What happened when I left the flat to the time I got back? Did Niall say something?”

 

“What difference does it make? We are here now, we ARE talking. What do you want from me?”

 

“I wouldn’t be asking if I knew what I’ve done Lou. Please, I really am at a loss here.”

 

“Look, I appreciate your gesture of going back to the flat to walk with me and your girlfriend to Corden’s. But you very well know I didn’t ask you to do it. I know my way around the campus.”

 

Fuck, now he gets it. He lowers his face trying to hide his smile. But couldn't help his relief of knowing why Louis is acting this way. He was jealous. _JEALOUS._ The wall they had a few minutes ago was tore down by merely taking two steps towards his boy and wrapping his arms around him. The warmth coming from his chest grows exponentially as he feels Louis body fit snugly into his. He felt Louis squirming weakly, whereby making him hug the boy tighter.

 

“Lou, stop doing that.”

 

“Get your hands off me, you oaf!” he said. He felt Louis’ hands which are in between their bodies move to his chest trying to push him lightly. He nuzzles his nose to Louis hair getting a whiff of his pine scented shampoo. Just a few more seconds, I need a few seconds more to get use to his smell, his warmth. He loosens his arms a bit so that he can have his hands to Louis shoulders then proceeds on cupping the smaller lads neck.

 

“Why didn’t you just asked me. Karen is not my girlfriend, Louis.” he says to him with a smile.

 

Still trying to get away from him, he hears Louis said weakly with his eyes cast downward, “I don’t have to ask you anything, Harold. Let me go, you weirdo.” he stubbornly says.

 

“You can ask me anything and everything Louis. I have no secrets from you.” he challenges.

 

“No.”

 

“No what? No, you will not ask me anything or no, I shouldn’t let go of you?” He brazenly asks.

 

“Don’t get cocky, Styles.”

 

“Okay. Since you are not going to ask me anything. Can I ask you something then?”

 

Louis regards him decisively, squinting his eyes a bit then sheepishly lowers his gaze, somewhat shy to look at him directly. He felt his body slacken, all the apprehension he had a few seconds ago, completely changed into something wishful. Okay I’m ready.

 

“Louis, please look at me.”

 

Louis eyes fluttered slowly which are framed by his thick long lashes. He looked at them languidly raising up, until he sees them. The perfect kind of blue he’s been dreaming about is staring right back at him. Wow. If there is a moment in his life where his body felt numb with the intensity of a stare, this is it. He was captured. Captured by a moment when iridescent blue eyes as beautiful as the color of the ocean catches his emerald green ones. He was nervous, and so was him. He doesn’t want to freak him out. Pace yourself Styles, god damn it, stay cool.

 

“Louis, will you go out with me?” he asks boldly.

 

With the a shy smile, he answers “I thought you’d never ask.”


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

October 20, 2016

10:15 pm

Bewick Court, Wolverhampton

 

There is a lull in the air when he opened the door and saw Harry standing behind it. He is holding two bags filled with grocery items, all of which he texted right after he called.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hey. Yeah come in.” Opening the door wider for Harry to pass through. “He’s still sleeping in the living room, do you need some help with those?” extending his hands to the bags.

 

“Yeah sure.” he hands one of the bags to him and deposits his shoes at the side of the door. “Where should I put this?”

 

“The kitchen would be good. Uhmm, right, I’ll go with you.”

 

They walked slowly towards the kitchen making sure not to make any noise. As they reached the corner of the room and was about to drop the bags to the kitchen counter, he hears a whimper coming from the living room. He turns to Harry and says “I’ll just check up on him. Ehrm, I’ll be back.” carefully dropping his bag to the counter.

 

The whimpers gets louder as soon as he reaches the living room. He sees Liam laying on his side, one of his arms hugging a throw pillow, the other dangling on the side of the couch. There are tears spilling from Liam’s shut eyes, a sniffing sound coming out from him. He caresses his friend’s forehead, massaging the crease in between his eyebrows, soothing him. “Li, I’m here. Harry’s here too, love. You’re not alone.”

 

Liam tries to nuzzle on his touch, trying to catch the warmth of his fingertips. He sits on the right arm of the couch, his left thigh touching the top of the boy’s head, his left hand gently placed on his friend’s cheek. He wipes some of the rogue tear drops from his nose and cheeks, and dabs it on his pants. A sudden movement from his periphery prompted him that Harry just came in the living room. He was holding a trash bin and some dust cloth. Louis raises his eyebrows at him and said “I mostly cleaned what I could before you came, you don’t have to do anything. I just wanted some help with Li just in case he, uhm he wanted company tonight and I don’t know if I can do it on my own. I’m sorry, I...I just don’t think I’m the best person right now to be with him. He was a mess H. Hell, I don’t even know if I want to be with me sometimes.”

 

Harry doesn’t say anything. He just gave him a small smile then walked to the side of the center table, gathering the empty wine and beer bottles he forgot to throw away and dump the ash and cigarette butts from the ashtray into the trash bin. If there is something he is sure Harry will be good at, is keeping things in order, all neat and clutter free. He never liked magazines or coffee books or even photo frames on top of any surface. He liked all the photos on the walls, whether it be just taped on the walls of their dorms rooms or made in some sort of mood board on top of the bed in their flat in Manchester. He always made it a point he conveyed his story to whatever he puts on the walls. There were nights he would stay up late until the morning just to get the right color template, the right pictures, the right quote from a book, the right ornament to stick into that photo montage of a project and make it perfect. That framed collage filled with photos of their love story, is now gathering dust in his mother’s attic.

 

“Louis, I’m going to make some soup. Do you want anything from the kitchen?”

 

“No, I’m okay. Thank you.”

 

He lingers a bit on Liam’s side, gently stroking his hair until he’s finally sure he is sleeping. He tucks the fleece blanket to Liam’s body, snugly fitting it to his sides. He stands up, goes to the windows making sure its closed,  held the edges of the curtains, shutting it until only a sliver of the moonlight fills the room. There is not much light coming through, making the room darker and somewhat gloomy. He sighs and decides to go to the kitchen and face the man he purposely tries to forget for almost two years. He has to do it, even if he has to admit the things he would never admit even to himself.

 

When he walked through the kitchen, he saw Harry chopping some onions and had the oven on with a large pot on top of it. There are some vegetables on the kitchen counter that are still in the plastic bags laid on top of it. “Do you need help? I know I’m no good in the kitchen, but I can cut some of the vegetables for you.”

 

Harry stopped what he was doing, placing the knife on top of the chopping board and looked at him saying, “I have celery and some carrots in the bag.” pointing on the farthest bag from bunch. He then sees him collect the sliced pieces of onions and put it on a plate then gets a few cloves of garlic carefully peeling the skin, lines them up before cutting them. “You can start by washing them and then cutting those too if it’s okay. Uhm, just make sure you cut them in bite size pieces, Lou. I’ve already had the heat up, it won’t be long until everything’s been cooked.”

 

“Okay.”

 

An uncomfortable silence enveloped the room. A sudden chill was suddenly felt in the air. He pulls the sleeves of his jumper down to his knuckles, almost covering his hands. He never took his eyes away from the table, took his time perfectly cutting the celery and carrots in small pieces and then casually brings them to Harry’s side.

 

“I’m all done.”

 

“Thank you.” he says. From the chopping board, he gathered all remaining vegetables dumping them all to the heated pan at the same time. He then sees Harry pour water to the pot, half filling it then puts the lid on top of it. “It’ll only take a few minutes and it’s ready.” and gives him a curt smile.

 

They both sat on the stools by the kitchen table, both looking around the room, steadily gauging each other’s movements for a few seconds. He could feel Harry’s right foot tapping on the floor and found himself rubbing his hands on his pants. He cleared his throat for a moment and said “Harry, thanks for coming over. I know you don’t intend on staying with me here, I mean, is Anne okay with you being here? That is, if you want to go, it’s perfectly fine, cause I...I really don’t know how to do this.” he babbles. “I felt like you know Li as well as I do, and I clearly am not in a proper state of mind for this and I just.. ” he buried his face on his hands, trying to compose himself, pinches his nose, takes a breath then blew air off his mouth “I’m lost H, I don’t know how make him not feel sad. I am sure you want to leave, it’s not fair of me to just call you and ask for help, and I know this is not exactly how you want to talk to me right now, It’s just that...”

 

“I think the soup is ready.” Harry abruptly stood up and went to the oven, without even a glance his way.

 

So this is how it feels like? To be fully rejected. He’s known for a while now. That there will never be a chance for them. He is the asshole who messed it up, the one to blame. There is nothing to come back to. He saw the pictures. He never told Lottie that he sometimes stalks Harry’s Instagram. What is there left to do for an ex-football player with a banged up leg? What little time he had for Harry, is now blatantly staring at him everyday. Everyday. Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. All he does every single day is browse through his computer, click on the mentions he has on the web. There were a lot of buzz on him almost two years ago, and now, all he sees is “Whatever happened to Louis Tomlinson?” or “Louis Tomlinson seen walking out of TESCO with his sister, stylist to the stars Lottie Tomlinson.”or even just stalk Harry with his friends, and see the life they should’ve had. Everyday for almost two years.

 

He slumped further to where he is seated, shoulders hunched and his eyes to the floor. He took a moment to cast his sad eyes to Harry. He deserves it, he says to himself. He deserves to move on. He grew tired of it, of him. He understands. He doesn’t deserve him. He knew that from the start. He’s been pushing him away. Months of trying to make him realize he is not worth it. He has to. It’s the only way. He ignores all his texts, his calls, even the emails that came from their realtor about their condo, he ignored it and had his lawyer deal with it. Will it make a difference if he’s there? It’s just going to be a signature and a handshake for them, nothing more. Is it even possible to still see passion in Harry’s eyes, or will he see regret and loneliness instead. No, he’s not risking that. He’s not risking himself to see that. Cause that’s what he sees in the mirror every goddamn day. Regret and loneliness. That’s all he is now, all he will ever be.

 

He sees Harry lift the lid off the pot, warm air coming out from it. He noticed him inhale the air then takes a ladle and stirs the soup a bit. He then gets a few bowls from the cabinet, fills a quarter and a half of it, then places it to the kitchen counter. He doesn’t want to disturb him, the ease in his movements, how he moved, how these simple tasks seem like a dance he is performing for him. These are the small things he likes to watch Harry do. I’m glad somebody appreciates that now aside from him. He deserves it. I’m glad he is being appreciated by someone now, even when its not him. The moment was lost when he heard a grunt from his corner.

 

“Hey.” Liam says with a slight gruff in his voice.

 

Harry rushed to Liam, enveloping him with a hug, the other boy seemed more calmer when he last saw him.

 

“Do you want some soup?” Harry asked. Li nodded and sat beside him.

 

“Yeah, sure H. Uhm thanks for coming over. It really means a lot to me. I..”

 

“Eat some soup Li, before it gets cold. We’ll talk later.”

 

“Okay, thanks.”

 

The three of them ate in silence, only the slight tapping of Harry’s foot can be heard. They only shared a few assuring glances to each other, just to let the other know they are there for each other at the moment. For only this moment, nothing more. Li retells the story to Harry after they ate, all of them sitting in the kitchen table, and he just listens to him, nodding here and there, sees Harry brushing the tips of his fingers to Liam’s arm, soothing him, urging him to go on and tell his story. Liam cries a little, but seemed more in control of it. Harry offers him another hug as soon as he’s done, Li obliges willingly. He later on asked to be excused, leaving him and Harry in the kitchen to clean up. They washed the dishes in silence, him doing the actual washing and rinsing while Harry dries the dishes and putting it inside the cabinets.

 

Just as he was sure Harry is about to go to the living room, seemed determined to sleep on the couch,  he absentmindedly reaches for Harry’s hand and asks “H, you don’t have to sleep in the couch. You have a bad back. You can take the bed and I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”

 

Without any hesitation, Harry holds his gaze at him and said “We could share the bed Lou. That is if you don’t have a problem with it.”

 

He visibly gulps. It's just sleep right? He’s tired and exhausted and for sure Harry’s the same. A few hours in the same room, laying on the same bed would be fine. Nothing to worry about. It’s just sleep. In the same room with Harry. In the same bed with Harry. With possibly just a pillow or a duvet separating them. It took him a few seconds to reply, trying to think of the right answer. Fuck it. He held Harry’s hand , squeezing a bit. “Okay yeah, I mean no, I don’t have a problem with it H. Are you sure?”

 

He smiled and said “I’m... Okay with it Lou.”

 

“Okay.” he replies .

 

 

October 2, 2010

7:00 pm

Near Manchester Aquatics Center (MAC)

 

 

He is nervous. He kept on checking the right directions going to Grovesnor Street. He’s never even been to this part of the campus before. How in the world did Niall knew about this place? This is like 30 minutes away from the dorms if you don’t have a car or didn’t ride the tube. I’m sure as hell know Niall doesn’t drive a car and definitely would not ride the tube alone. He remembered Niall telling him “Go to The Sandbar, Harry, take Louis there mate! I’m sure you two are going to have so much fun. Tell the bartender Grimmy that I know you, okay. He’ll take care of you two.” He says this with a sly smile on his lips. What even is in this place? He googled what kind of bar it is. It says they serve a wide selection of pizza and have the best whiskey in town. Does Louis even drink? God, Louis might think he would like to have him drunk so he could make a move on him. Niall, you utter nut, I wasn’t planning on snogging Louis tonight. Well not that I’m not thinking about it, but, I want to be as lucid as possible. He doesn't have to be a fumbling mess tonight. He wants it to be perfect. Cold sweat starts trickling down his furrowed brows. _Where the heck is it?_ A muscle twitches at the side of his right eye. God he’s so nervous. He glanced for a moment at Louis, and found him already staring at him.

 

“So, where are you taking me Harold?”

 

“Uhm, it's around this corner, I think.” he audibly gulps.

 

“Harry?”

 

“Yeah, hold on. I’m sure if we just walked straight ahead here, we could get there faster.”

 

Where the fuck are they? They already passed by the IT building, AMBS and the Post office. Niall said just go straight the Oxford Street, on your right you’ll see the MBS building, to your left is the RNCM. Keep walking until you see the MAC, a bit further is The Deaf Institute. Okay, so we just passed by the Humanities faculty center which is right in front of MAC and there’s a crossroad ahead, don’t have go straight, he remembers, but turn right to the Grovesnor Street. They’ve been walking for 20 minutes, he’s pretty sure he’s sweating like he just ran a marathon. He felt sweat creeping up his armpits and chest. He pulled the center of his shirt, trying to fan himself. Why did he not suggest for them to get into the tube? He’s ruining it. _Oh my god he’s ruining their first date._

 

“You must be getting tired Lou, I’m sorry. We should’ve just rode the tube or got into a bus on Cambridge street or something.” He babbles. “Do you want to rest for a minute, I mean we could stop for a couple of minutes if you want?” He looks at Louis for a moment, checking if he is panting or wheezing or is going to pass out from walking. But what caught his eyes is Louis smiling, brighter than the moonlight, captivating him at that moment, easing his anxieties away.

 

“Hey, I’m okay. You don’t need to be nervous Harry. Wherever you take me, I’m sure we’ll have a good time.” He tugged his arm and winds his arms to him. Now they are walking arm in arm, their legs colliding a bit with every step. He feels giddy now. He can’t help feel this burst of excitement as they get nearer their destination.

 

There was a line outside The Sandbar when they arrived. He saw an eclectic group of people. Some are students, others look like hippie-artsy bunch carrying instruments and drawing materials. He also sees a few professors, probably getting drinks before they head home. He pulled Louis’ arm and walked to the front of the line. He approached the receptionist ignoring the boos and jeers from the people in line.

 

“Uhm excuse me miss, but do you have a table for two?”

 

A woman wearing an all black ensemble from head to toe with a nose ring greeted him and exclaimed “Sweetie, we’ve been swamped for hours now. But I would gladly get your name and put you on the list. I’ll call you if there’s anything available. But babe, it might take a while you know” then shrugs at him. “First date huh?” she says with a sly grin on her face.  

 

He pursed his lips and gave a nod. Damn it, I knew they should’ve gone somewhere else. He gives Louis a nervous smile and a thumbs up. He feels himself sweat a little more, his fingers catching beads of sweat at the back of his neck and ears. How in the hell did he not think of a plan B. _Shit._ He tightens his hold on Louis’ hand. He’s got to make sure Louis knows everything is fine. He stole a glance at Louis and is rewarded by a reassuring smile. Just like that, he calms down. He knew they’ll be alright.

 

“Hey hon, give me your name, I’ll try to hook you up okay.” interrupting his thoughts.

 

“Uhm Harry, I don’t know if this helps but I’m a friend of Grimmy?”

 

“Babe, everybody is a friend of Grimmy’s.” she says.

 

“Don’t go talking to my guests that way, Sabrina.” A tall man with a pompadour wearing a black tank under a red plaid shirt said this, grinning behind the girl apparently named Sabrina. “Hey, gorgeous. So you’re the friend of Niall’s right?”

 

“Uhm yeah, Hi. I’m Harry.” he then shakes the man’s hand.

 

“And who’s this lovely fellow you’ve got here?” He suddenly looks at Louis then winked. His grip gets tighter on Louis’ hand pulling Louis by his side.  He hears a snicker and a small cough from his left. He then sees Louis moving towards the man extending the other hand he’s not holding to Grimmy.

 

“Hey mate, I’m Louis. And your name is?”

 

“I’m sure glad I didn’t take the night off tonight, Sabrina. All the gorgeous people are here.” He muses to the girl before taking Louis’ hand but doesn’t let it go. He says to Louis, “Hi babe, I’m Nick Grimshaw. People ‘round here call me Grimmy. I’m one of the bartenders tonight.” then kisses the back of Louis’ hand. The man doesn’t look away from Louis. He noted him looking at Louis from head to toe while licking his bottom lip. He knows this look. The bastard wasn’t even trying to hide it.

 

“My hand mate?” Louis says. Slightly tugging his hand away from Nick’s hold.

 

“Oh I’m sorry, I’m being rude. Yes, of course. Harry, Louis if you can just follow me.” He lets go of Louis’ hand and looked at Harry with narrowed eyes, tilting his head a little. _Are you serious?_ He lifts one eyebrow, challenging him. Pompadour boy sneered at him then smiles. Okay asshole make one move and I’ll.... He then tugs Louis’ arm and brings him to his side, attempting to put a barrier between Nick and him. He puffs his chest out to Nick, standing tall, squaring his shoulders. Grimmy then laughs and walks towards the entrance leading them in. He holds Louis’ hand firmer, their shoulders brushing as they walk inside the opened door. The jeering from the line outside grows weaker as they entered the pub.

 

Once inside, he notices the walls covered by posters and magazine pages, an exposed old fireplace on the largest part of the room, several reclaimed wooden tables with recycled bus seats as chairs arranged in rows and a lone jukebox at the corner of the pub. As they get closer to the bar, he sees a church hymn board style arrangement of the beer list on the wall. There is a variety of beer on the wall, he could spot German, Irish, Russian and even Asian named lagers on the wall, but what caught his eyes is the strawberry beer, which is a pound per pint. Does Louis like strawberries? He imagines his lips tinting a bit of scarlet red, imagines tasting the sweetness of the fruit from his lips, his tongue savoring this taste until the hint of that succulent fruit will just be ghost once he licked and sucked it out from Louis’ inviting mouth. He absentmindedly touches his lips, wondering how it would be like. A slight tapping sound on the bar counter broke his daydreaming. He didn’t even notice that Nick was talking to them who is now behind the bar with a black apron wrapped around his hips. Was he asking them a question?

 

“Yeah, that sounds cool. So do we have to go to the back to watch it?”

 

“Yeah Louis, I could get you a table there if you want to?”

 

“We’re going to watch what?” he looks confusedly at Louis.

 

“They’re having Film Tube Night tonight, Harry. That’ll be fun don’t you think?” he explains with his hand pointing at the room behind the bar. He then nudges his shoulders like waiting for him to say something.

 

“Uhm, Film Tube Night?” he raised his eyebrows at him.

 

“Yeah, Grimmy said they’ll be showing old movies and silly you tube videos on the screen and have some people sing or even read poetry on the stage if they’re up for it.”

 

“Do you want to do that? I’m okay if you are Louis.”

 

“Yeah Harold, I'm okay with that.” he sees him purse his lips then gives him a smile. He feels gentle brushing of Louis fingertips to his knuckles, making small circles. Their hands are now making tiny brush strokes on each others palms, sending tingling sensations to his hands, his arms, his shoulders, his chest up to his neck making him smile. He feels suddenly happy.

 

For the first time during the night, he felt relaxed. Here in the pub, looking at Louis smiling at him, he knows everything will be alright. This is just a start for them. They’re first date. Whatever happens tonight, they will be okay. Together, they will be okay.

“Okay lads, let me start you off with two pints of the Phoenix Pilsner on the house.” Grimmy says. He hands him two amber filled glasses then ushers them to the back room. As they enter the room, he notices a few patrons already seated in some of the tables, some holding musical instruments ranging from guitars, violin, wooden box, harmonica and even a hohner melodica. He spots a couple at the farthest table on the corner, partially hidden by the large speakers conveniently placed on the sides of the stage. At the center, is a small platform where few stools are found, probably the stage where the musicians will be performing later. A white table cloth that make shifts as the screen is hanged on the largest wall of the room, a movie projector right in front of it. There is a group of people already making their way to the tables that are not occupied, leaving the two tables near the window for them to be seated at.

 

“You guys go sit here and I’ll ask Kim to get your order later.” Grimmy taps him on the shoulders and leaves. He catches Louis looking around the room, smiling at the couple seated next to them. He sees him grab the glass of beer right in front of him, lifts it to his lips, pulls his head back and gulps a bit of the amber liquid then winces. He did the same, drinking from his glass and tasted his beer. _Okay, this does not taste good._ He decided there on that he’ll order the strawberry beer next time. Damn pompadour boy and his choice of lager.

 

“Blech, I don’t think I’ve had beer this bitter before. What is this? Remind me not to thank Grimmy for this.” he teases.

 

“It’s on the house Harold, of course he won’t give us the best ale there is. But I like the place, very cozy, so laid back. You’ll fit right in I suppose, with your hipster aesthetic going on. How did you even find out about this place Harry?”

 

“It was actually Niall who suggested we go here. Never been here before.”

 

“Whoah really? Never imagined irish going to a place like this.” he muses. “But honestly, I like it Harry, thank you for taking me here.”

 

He was itching to hold Louis’ hands. He found them flat on his thighs, palms down, the sleeves of his grey jumper almost covering his hands up to his knuckles. As he was about to reach across the table to hold Louis’ hand, a red haired girl came to their table shoving the menus at them.

 

“Hi, my name is Kim. I’ll be your server for the night. We have a wide a selection of ales, some locally brewed here, some from different parts of the globe. May I suggest the best seller which is the white Allagash beer from Belgium served with a Tunnock’s tea cake or caramel wafer bar. This is insanely good by the way, but if you want something stronger, we serve the best whiskey in town. It’s right there in the spirits section. We also serve several Italian foods, we have  a vegan food selection too, if you prefer your food prepared like so. I’ll give you a couple of minutes to check things out then I’ll come back for your orders.”

 

“Thanks Kim.” They both said at the same time then caught each other's gaze for a moment. It may have been 30 seconds, a minute, a couple more, he doesn’t know, but they were holding each other’s gazes until Louis looked away, both his hands trying to cover his face. He reaches out, grabs his left hand off his face and says, “Don’t try to hide from me Lou. I wanna see you.”

 

“You’re making me blush. Stop looking at me.”

 

“Why? Does it make you uncomfortable?” his thumb running circles to Louis’ palms. “Do I make you uncomfortable Louis?”

 

“It’s not that, I’m just not used to people looking at me that way. This is new to me Harry, all of this, it’s new to me.”

 

“You are beautiful Louis. So very beautiful to me.”

 

“Please stop.”

 

Louis is looking everywhere but at him. He’s patting his thighs, trying to distract himself with an invisible lint on his pants. Harry squeezes his hand, trying to get his attention. He sees a slight pink color searing through his cheeks, then to the apples of his cheeks reaching down to his neck. If this is not the prettiest vision he’s ever seen, he doesn’t know what beauty is.

 

“You are beautiful Louis. I’ll tell you everyday if I could. I want to be able to say that to you everyday if you allow me to.”

 

“Harry please..”

 

“Only if you want me to Louis.”

 

Louis looked back at him, uncertainty written on his face. He holds his breath and reaches for Louis’ other hand. He places them one on top of one another, then slowly lifts them to his lips, gently giving it a kiss. He looked so vulnerable now, so open. His hand trembles a little, felt the skin turn clammy. He is nervous. I am nervous. He wanted to calm him, wanted to pull him in, wrap his arms around him and not let him go. At that instant, he says to himself, he will make sure this boy in front of him knows how beautiful he is every goddamn day. How wonderful he is, how smart and special he is. He wanted to seize the moment and be bold. But he has to make sure what Louis wants. It is only their first date. Being bold right now will probably scare him. No, he doesn’t want that.

 

They were still looking at each other, just waiting, waiting to make the first move, to break the connection. But it didn’t come. The silence calms them both. The room appear to have stood still as they continue locking eyes with each other. He suddenly feels it. The jolts of electricity coming from the tips of their entwined fingers. He lets Louis graze the inner part of his wrist, the tiny strokes of his fingertips creating fireworks on his skin. Does he feel it too?

 

He feels warm all of a sudden. Like there is a spotlight aimed at them. He sees Louis glowing, his skin emitting specks of light like fairy dust. He blinks, trying to get rid of the sparkling lights. Is he imagining it? He regards him for a moment. Sees that he is as transfixed as he is. He begins to breath, his chest rising and falling like he just ran a marathon. He can hear Louis breathing steadily, small intakes of air through his nose, puffing out air from his lips. Louis licks his lips, making his eyes look down at it. He did the same, licked his dry lips like he’s thirsty. He wanted a taste, he wanted to know how it tastes like. He wants the bitter taste of the beer to go away, he wanted another taste, another flavor he would like to devour.

 

He sees Louis open his mouth, then closes it. He opens his mouth again, he could barely hear the sound that came out from him.“Harry, that is..uhm, if I ever forget to thank you, thank you Harry, I had a lovely time tonight.” a smile creeping to his face, erasing the pensive look just moments ago. “There’s still so much we need to know about each other. And..I, I would very much like to get to know you, more than you realize. We take it slow tonight okay, we have all night.” his smile widens creating creases on the side of his eyes

 

“I would like that too, Lou. I would like to know you better”

 

He never left Louis’ gaze, lingering a bit more until he felt Louis pulling his hands away from his. He gave him a shy grin, before taking the menu and scans it, his smile never leaving his face. He leans and points to him what he wanted to order, making Harry scoot his chair a bit closer to him. They talk casually, their voices soft, their heads less than an arms length away.  He could smell him, a hint of sandalwood mixed with a citrusy scent. Is that his shampoo? Does he wear cologne? He leans further, their shoulders bumping into each other, making Louis look at him, his face now inches away from his. He dropped his gaze, making him lean a bit further trying to catch his eyes. He feels intoxicated. He lightly brushes his nose to Louis’ hair, a sigh escaping the other boy’s lips. He tries to do it again when he hears a voice coming from his right.

 

“Getting cozy are we?” Grimmy said

 

Both of them looked to their right, Louis’ head bumping into his, makes a hissing sound.

 

“Ow!” a look of mild shock on Louis’ face. He grimaced bringing a hand to his forehead, tries to massage it. He looks away, seemed embarrassed, a blush returning to his cheeks.

 

“Are you okay? He asks, turning his eyes away from the other man.

 

“Aaw, I’m sorry, did I interrupt you lovebirds? I just wanted to check out how you two are doing. They’re showing a movie tonight, I hope you lads like it. It’s my personal fave.” he muses. He then waves at the girl who is standing near the stage, giggling from whatever the guy she was taking to said.

 

“Oii Kimberly, come get their orders. Stop flirting with the sound guy!” he shouts then walked towards the girl.

 

“Hey, do you want me to get ice?” he nudges his shoulders.

 

“No, I’m all right. I..just didn’t realize our heads were that close a while ago.” He stops massaging his forehead then fixes his fringe, hiding his embarrassment with a laugh. He places his hand to Louis’ thigh, making the boy’s eyes flutter. He sees him drop his eyes to where his hand is at and gasps. _Is this too much? Is this okay?_ He refuses to move his hand, eagerly awaiting for a reaction from the boy. He sees Louis slip his hand to his, grounding them, making it stay as it is. The left side of his body shifting fully into Louis’ space now, he turns and found Louis looking at him through his lashes with a smile. They held eye contact for a few beats more until both are grinning widely, hand still clasped together. He only withdrew his gaze from Louis when he hears footsteps coming towards their table.

 

“Okay lads, are you ready?” Kim says.

 

Harry raised his eyebrow to her and says “Yeah, uhm we’ll order the Pizza Tirolese with rocket, the jerk chicken burger and two pints of strawberry beer please.”

 

“Do you want speck with your pizza?” she asks.

 

He looks at Louis and sees the boy biting his lip then shook his head “No, just the rocket please .”

 

“Okay boys, I’ll have your order in twenty minutes tops.” she smiles then turns to walk away. Kim only makes a couple of steps when she turned back and said,  “Ooh by the way, the movie they are showing tonight is Shaun of the Dead. So we have extra blankets over there if you guys want to cuddle up.” then winks at them.

 

The lights were turned off with just the light from the projector and the screen illuminating the room. There are more people in the back room, some trying to get some seats, a few laying on the floor in front of the makeshift screen, with the blankets draped on their bodies. Harry stands up goes to the foot of the table on the side of the stage where the speakers are. He sees a few more blankets neatly folded, gets a pink and blue one for him and Louis then goes back to their table. He can see other couples having the same idea, getting blankets to cuddle up for the film showing. As he came to their table, he saw Louis’s arms propped on top of it, his face resting on one of his hands. “Is that for me?” he asks.

 

“Yeah, I just thought it would be nice to have something to cover up your eyes in case you get scared of zombies. Wwoohh!!” he teases.

 

“Harold, I’ve seen this movie twice with my sisters. None of us got scared. In fact, we were laughing all throughout the film. And I guarantee you, I’m not gonna be..oh Jesus!” he jumps.

 

A loud screeching sound came from the speakers, jolting them both. He barks out a laugh whereby Louis playfully slaps his shoulder.

 

“Right Lou, come on scoot a bit closer yeah, so I can tuck you in.” He spreads out the blue blanket on top of Louis’ legs, making sure to have the edges not touch the floor. When he was about to open up the pink one, he felt Louis tug his arm away from the blanket, getting it off his hands, places it at the bottom of his chair.

 

“You don’t need that H, we can share this one.” he grins at him, lifting the right side of his blanket, draping it across Harry’s legs.

 

The room grew dimmer as the movie starts, making the room appear spooky or romantic, whichever way you see it. To him it made the room intimate, inviting even. He felt their bodies changing postures, Louis melting into his left side, with him leaning to the touch, their hands underneath the fabric, waiting for movements, anticipating who would do the first move. He sneaks a peak at Louis, the minimal light casting soft shadows on his face. He still can’t believe it. He said yes to me. It wasn’t even his intention to meet somebody. He just came from a short lived relationship. Heck, all his his relationships were short. The last one lasting only a few weeks before he got restless, like there’s something missing. He can’t even recall a time when he is like this. Like the thought of Louis consumes him, the very best part of his day is when he receives a text from him, or when he sees him every morning in the cafe holding a cup of coffee for him even though he knows Louis gets dizzy with the smell of it, or when they walk to their class together and Louis decides to sit beside him. He’s never been this way, and it scares him. His stomachs shifts uneasily, like he’s nauseous, until he feels a gentle squeeze on his hand.

 

“Hey you okay?” Louis asks.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” he squeezes back with a loopy smile on his face. And yes he is okay. They will be okay.


	6. Chapter 6

October 20, 2016

11:40 pm

Bewick Court, Wolverhampton

 

Louis pauses at the doorway, he needs a few moments to think. He needs to know if this is right. He lets his eyes roam around, saw a twin sized bed at the center of the room, dark green sheets covering the mattress, a few white rectangular pillows on top of it. There are two side tables on each side of the bed. On the right side table, he sees an antique slag glass lamp, with intricate gold and amber iron-smelting details on its surface. Harry turns the lamp on giving a dramatic hue in the room. On the left side table, he sees two books placed almost at the edge of the surface, A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway and the Last Lion by Paul Reid. On the foot of the bed is a dark brown leather patent storage bench. He noticed Harry opening it, getting two towels and extra blankets. He wonders how did Harry know that there will be towels in there, how he looked comfortable walking about the room. His eyes are fixed to the towels Harry was handing over to him. He finds himself blink a few times, his brows creasing as he looks up to him and asks, “How did you know where to get the towels Harry?”

 

Without looking at him, he replies “This room has an en suite bathroom. If you need to freshen up a bit, you can go ahead while I fix some stuff here.”

 

“H?” He reaches for his arm, but barely makes a contact.

 

He sees Harry walk towards the bed and sits at the end of it, both his hands rubbing his face. He huffs, his unsettled eyes glancing around the room until it lands on Louis’ face. He looks sad.

 

“I stayed here a bit when we broke up.”

 

“For how long?” He rasps.

 

His mouth is almost too dry to say anything more when he felt Harry shifts uncomfortably on the bed. How is this possible? Liam’s house is barely two hours away from him. He sees them every other weekend since he left Harry. For almost two years, him, Zayn and Liam have been going out either in Leicester, or in Manchester and even in this god damn fucking house. Never ever did they mention this information to him.  

 

“Harry, for how long?” he whispered.

  
“I..I just moved out a couple of months ago.”

 

He closes his eyes, tries to control his breathing. Harry’s been here all this time. He tries to rack his brain for signs, for any indication that he was here when he stayed and slept on the couch, too drunk to drive home. He fills his lungs with huge intakes of breaths, trying to calm himself. Did he hear me? Was he here when he was practically bawling his eyes off, screaming at Liam , when he found out he was replaced so soon? Did he watch him sleep? Did he try to sneak in the house unnoticed when he was casually laying on the carpet watching some dumb reality show in the telly? Did he bring in some random guys here? How the fuck did he not know? Come to think of it, the boys never offered him to sleep in the extra room every time he “accidentally” sleeps over, severely intoxicated to drive home. There were signs back then, he just didn’t pay attention.

 

“I..I stayed here after you left. I didn’t want to go back home Lou. I didn’t want mum to know yet, haven’t got the heart to tell her. When your lawyer called and said I have to sign the lease out for the apartment, I told Grant to go there instead of me.”

 

Harry’s hands were clasped in front of him, his elbows to his thighs, eyes fixed on the wall in front of them. Louis then walks towards the bed, sits on the other side of the bed. The slump on the bed making Harry squirm, he lifts his face and glanced Louis’ way.

 

“Grant is Niall’s lawyer right?”  he asks.

 

“Yeah. Niall gave me his number and said he would help me.”

 

“I wasn’t there either. Bryan came for me too.”

 

“Bryan called me Lou. He said he was sorry to hear about the apartment, about us. He said you called him first, and he couldn’t say no.” his sad voice made Louis move closer to Harry. Their thighs brushing lightly as he moved

 

“I’m..I was a prick H. We should’ve discussed it first before I called Bryan.”

 

“You wouldn’t pick up the phone Lou. I left messages. I was waiting for you, I was..” he stops himself for a moment, taking deep breaths, both his hands now gripping the underside of his thighs. “Zayn came over the day after you left. He couldn’t even look me in the eye, Louis. He said he just came by to pick up your stuff. Do you know how hard it is for me seeing all your things being hauled into his car?” he hears him sniffle. He looks at him, sees his brows creased, eyes welling up. “Can you imagine me staying there when I knew you wouldn't be coming back?”

 

His arms hung limp on his sides, tries not to move not even a bit. He felt his inside shrinking, like he wants to be swallowed whole from the regret he feels right now. His hands longs to reach out, hold him and get the sadness out from him. He sees Harry curl up, his hands to his face, hears him whimper. He feels listless, empty, his heart sits heavy in his chest. He hurt him. He will never forgive himself for doing this to him.  

 

“You weren’t the only one hurting Lou.” he hears a sob escape from Harry’s lips. “I thought we were in it together. But you decided to leave.”

 

“I..” he stops himself. He is still a mess. How can he ask forgiveness from Harry when he himself doesn’t forgive himself. “I needed to get out. I needed to leave. If I stayed I’d eventually break us.”  

 

“Isn’t that what happened to us? You didn’t even give us a chance.”

 

“I was in a dark place H. I..I won’t be good for us.” he sighs. He needs to admit this to Harry. It dawned on him at that time, he doesn’t want Harry to see him that way. Vulnerable, decrepit, useless. He wants him to know he has to get out as fast as he can before all he sees in Harry’s eyes are regret and pity. He can’t, he won’t live to see that.

 

All the things he has ever dreamed off, everything he ever wanted, it’s all gone in seconds. When he heard the crack, he knew he’s through.

 

 

January 22, 2015

8:25 pm

Gigg Bury, Manchester

 

 

Louis

 

Through the loud roaring of the crowd,  he could hear the thump-thumping of his heartbeat pulsing through his chest. This is it, just one more goal and we’re scott free, on to the next round. There is chill in the air, but it doesn’t make him cold, hence makes his body burn. He feels his hair matted with sweat, salty beads running down his face and back. There is mud splattered on his shoes, socks, his calves up to his baggies. He feels gritty, sweat and grime soaking his kit. He wouldn’t care less. Breathing steady, he goes around Sessi, kicking the ball to Matt who just managed to get away from Jay. He sees him nod at him, getting the signal that he’s ready. He’ll try to ward off Colin and Jay who just ran towards him, seemed to know what their plan is. Both men are now zigzagging in front of him, trying to stop his movements. _Fuck you, you can’t stop me, I’m invincible._ He doesn’t hesitate, he quickly moves to his right, barely missing Colin’s body who’s about to collide into him. He kept running, as fast as he could, as if his life depended on it. He hears himself shout out to his left at Luke and says he’s got it. He ducks and scamper away from Jimmy as he see him charging towards him. He glances at the clock, they’ve got 4 minutes left until the end of the game. The score is now tied, both Rovers and Blackpool desperate to win the game. He kept sprinting forward, not feeling exhaustion from his limbs. He feels himself panting, his breath hot and ragged. This is what he’s here for. Matt brings the ball back to him, his foot almost knocking it away to the technical area. He shifts the ball’s direction towards his left, making Jimmy skid to the ground, his opponent’s foot trying to reach the ball. The ball went over Jimmy’s calves instead, barely brushing it until he ran towards the ball, regaining its possession.  He kept moving, his heart beating frantically, his adrenaline soaring through his veins. He sees Ben at the goal, scrunched down, his gloved hands on his front ready to stop the ball. And then he sees it, Andy left an opening on the right side of the penalty line. That’s it, that’s all he’s got to do, bring the ball as near as he can then kick it in to the goal. He’s barely 20 yards away from it, his breathing is rigid, eyes strained to keep sight on the goal. Fuck it, he’s got this. And then it happened, like he’s got the wind knocked out of him. He feels himself falling sideways, a loud crack was heard audibly above the screaming fans. He hears himself wailing, his loud cries reverberating through the arena. He tries reaching for his leg, but his hand was stopped by someone. He hears someone shouting “Don’t move Louis, don’t fucking move.” He looks at his leg, sees a broken bone cutting through his skin, blood running freely to his legs and socks, hot, thick crimson liquid that soaking the ground where he’s laying. He screams. “Fuck, why?” There are movements around him, people staring at him, with grim looks on their faces. He hears someone say, “It’s going to be all right son.” He lets out a strangled scream, “Please, please help me.” The same man says “It’s going to be alright Louis. Just relax.” A dark cloud suddenly envelopes him, silencing his screams.

 

 

Harry

 

“Louis!”

 

He shouted before it happened.

 

‘Louis!”

 

He feels his heart and lungs pounding, his whole body trembling as he pushed people away. He’s got to get to Louis.

 

“Harry wait!” he hears someone shout at him. He doesn’t look back, he’s weaving his way out of the crowd, half blinded by the tears streaming down his face. He’s got to get to Louis.

 

“Move, for fuck’s sake!” he stumbled as he gets to the door. “I’m sorry” he shouts as an afterthought. Once he’s out, he took a right turn that leads to the stairs leading directly to the sidelines. His breath is coming in spurts and his face flushed red with panic. He took the steps two at a time, stumbling when he reached the bottom. His mind a scattered mess, he pleads to no one, “Please just let him be alright.”

 

He wasn’t stopping for anybody, even if he hears his name being shouted at on every direction. With his haste to go to Louis, he almost crashed into Mr. Ferguson who was standing by the doorway.

 

“Whoah, be careful there son.” he says while holding on to his arm. He realizes it was Harry when he locked eyes with him, saw his tear stained cheeks giving away his fear.

 

“I’m sorry Mr. Ferguson. I..” he croaks.

 

He looks past the man, his eyes darting wildly to the field, struggling to see what he was looking for. There’s a lot of people that were moving about,  some kneeling on the ground while the ones standing up were shouting orders to the people from the sidelines. A gurney was then rushed in laying it on the ground. And at that moment he sees it..he sees him.

 

“Louis.” he yelled, his voice cracking.

 

He felt his chest tighten, his breathing staggered. His whole body began to tremble, his limbs were moving in its own, going towards the man who needs him, who he needed the most. He didn’t even notice the hands on his arms, trying to pull him back, pulling him back away from Louis.

 

“Harry, son. Just stay here for a moment. Let the paramedics do their job.”

 

“I need...to go to him.” he tried to say. The sound half swallowed by the sobs escaping his mouth. He began to wiggle his arms away from the hold, but it seemed to get stronger.

 

“Son, calm down. They will let us know what happened okay. Come on, just stay here with me.” Mr. Ferguson pulls him back again as he tried to push his hands away, getting a firmer hold on his arms.

 

“Harry.” someone shouted from the older man’s back. He looks behind him and saw Liam.

 

“Liam .” he gasps. The hold on his arms loosens, allowing him to shuffle his way to his friend. His eyes brimmed with more tears as Liam got a hold of him. His body melting to his friends embrace, muffling the sound of his cries.

 

“I already called Jay, H. They’re on their way.”

 

“He..wouldn’t..he wouldn’t let me get to him. I tried..i tried to go to him Li. He..he needs me.” he is sobbing uncontrollably now, his hands clutching Liam’s shirt like a vice grip. He feels his friend rocking him, soothing him by gently rubbing his back. He feels his throat clenching, like he is about to puke. He heave-sobs at the same time, his breathing uneven and erratic. His chest feels like its tightening, he feels like passing out.

 

“Harry, ssshhhh..” Liam coaxes him. “C’mon H, breath. One, two, three inhale, okay keep it in a bit mate. One, two, three exhale. H, c’mon count with me.” he repeats this three, four, five times until his breathing slowed. He breathes slow and steady until he feels he’s not choking, like he is not gasping for air. He slightly uncurls from Liam’s body, trying to see if his knees are strong enough not to buckle. He wants to be ashamed from this sudden weakness, but he needs someone to anchor him, steady him. He thinks Liam sensed his apprehension, heard a tender shush coming from his lips, gently squeezing his shoulders.

 

A slight tap on his back made him jerk away from Liam’s embrace. He vigorously rubbed his eyes, trying desperately to look presentable to whoever wanted his attention. He looked back and saw Mr. Ferguson with a comforting smile.

 

“Son, they're bringing Louis to the Royal Manc Infirmary. He’ll be staying there a bit until the chopper arrives to fly him to London. I’ve contacted somebody already, he’ll be getting the best help possible there.” the man’s voice is soft, like trying to reassure him.

 

He sniffs and attempts to talk but instead a choked sob escaped from his lips. He puts his hand to his mouth, desperate not to cry in front of his boss. He darts his eyes away from the man and sees Louis being wheeled to the sidelines, a few yards from where they were standing at. He is like in auto-pilot. He scrambles to that direction, intent on getting to Louis before he gets out of the arena. He wanted to see Louis, wanted to check if he’s alright, wants to know if he needs him.

 

As soon as he is near enough to see Louis’ condition, he releases a stifled sob, overcome with the gravity of the situation. He sees blood everywhere. There is a lacerated wound on Louis’ left leg, something sharp protruding from his blood soaked sock. Jesus fuck, he broke his shin. Fat tears are now streaming down his face. Oh my god Louis, baby he wanted to say. “I’m here.” he whispers as he reaches the moving gurney.

 

“Lou, I’m here baby.” he says loudly. He scans his boyfriend’s face. He’s got a pained look on his face, few tears escaping his eyes. He seemed to be barely conscious, his head lolling from side to side. The two men who were wheeling Louis are almost running now, hurriedly maneuvering the gurney to the awaiting ambulance right outside the arena. He moves with them, as fast as his feet can follow. Desperate to stay with Louis, holding onto the railings of the stretcher.

 

“Sir are you a relative?” one of the men asks.   

 

“I’m his partner.” He sternly says. He won’t let this man make him move away from Louis. “Is there a problem?”

 

“Sir, I’m sorry but if you are not a relative or a spouse of the patient, I will have to ask you to get into another vehicle and follow us to the hospital.” the man said before they carefully open the door of the ambulance. “Sir, I do apologize for this, but not unless you can prove your relation to the patient, we can’t let you in the car with him.”

 

He is visibly crying now. He can’t help it,  he feels helpless. He tightens his hold on the gurney’s railing. He doesn’t move his eyes away from Louis. “Please, don’t make me leave. Don’t make me go away from him.” he pleads.

 

“Sir, I under..”

 

“Boys, I’m Darren Ferguson, the manager and owner of the Rovers.” he shows the men his identification. “I am authorizing this man to go with Tomlinson to the Infirmary and to London. Make sure he goes with him at all times and be informed of what is happening to the patient.”

 

“Uhm, Mr. Ferguson. We don’t usually allow non relative to come with the patient, specially on transit to the hospital.” The man with the heavy beard said.

 

“We don’t see any of Tomlinson’s relatives here, do we now? What’s your name?” Mr.Ferguson irritably asks.

 

“Will sir.”

 

“Okay, Will. Mr. Styles is Tomlinson’s partner and the nearest next of kin for him. His mother is on her way to the hospital as of this moment and will meet you, Tomlinson and Mr. Styles there. I am vouching for this man’s ability to stand as his conservator for the time being. Please don’t make it more difficult as it is, Will. All of us just want Louis to get to London as quick as possible.” he briskly says, an air of urgency in his voice. The two men looked at the man wide eyed and with strained faces. Harry can see them actually considering to maybe question the man’s authority over this matter, but decided to give in due to Louis’ critical need to get to the hospital really fast. He sees the two men slowly lift the gurney to the back of the van, carefully placing it at the right side, securing it in place. Will reaching for the nasal cannula and puts it on the top of Louis’ nose. A cuff is now being wrapped securely on Louis’ right arm, a small monitor indicating his latest vital signs. Will then goes out of the van and tells Harry to go inside the vehicle so they could get a move on. He makes a mental note to send a thank you card to Mr. Ferguson, heck he will even buy the man an expensive dinner at the La Trompette.

 

“Th..Thank you Mr. Ferguson.”  He weakly says. The man just nods and pats him on the shoulder, gesturing to him to go inside the van.

  
Will and his partner, which later on he finds out is named Gavin, ushers Harry to the sit beside Louis’ gurney. There wasn’t enough space for a fourth person making Will sit beside the driver at the front. Gavin comes inside and sits beside Harry and starts telling him what happened to Louis’ leg. He also said they had to sedate him because he was in shock and was in severe pain. He then tries to straighten Louis’ shirt, brushing off some grass and mud from his face and arms. He sees his eyes flutter but doesn’t open. He carefully sweeps his bangs away from his eye and forehead, his headband long gone now. He regards Louis’ hair, thinks it’s getting too long. He might just give Anton a call and schedule a home visit, have him cut Louis’ hair once he’s out of the hospital. He pulls out his handkerchief, gently wipes away his boy’s tear marks and the sweat off his face. “You’re going to be alright Louis. I’m here babe, I won’t ever leave you.” he whispers to his ear then kisses his temple. We’ll be alright he says to himself. They have to be.


	7. Chapter 7

 

January 24, 2011

11:19 am

 

 

Harry checks on the UoM Athletic’s Page on his laptop.

 

(from the facebook page of UoM)

Big day for the club tomorrow starting their Bucs fixtures after the break.

 

1’s 13:00 ko Home vs. Liverpool Hope

2’s 14:00 ko Away vs. University of Liverpool

3’s 17:00 ko Home vs. Uclan

4’s 17:00 ko Away vs. Man Met

Devs 14:15 ko vs. Maths FC

 

Get down to watch any of the home fixtures at the Armo. Whilst the 4s have arguably their toughest fixture of the season across the road at Platt Lane, big following needed.

 

Niall and Louis’ game is at five o’clock. Okay, lots of time to spare since his last class ends at two. He’s got to call Liam and Zayn. They better watch the game or else. Or else what? Not that he’s got a kit ready to wear tomorrow similar to what Louis will be wearing. And it’s not that he’s got a big ass sign ready to wave around. Okay fine, he made three signs to wave around. And it’s also not that this will be the first time he will be watching the game as Louis’ official boyfriend. Also, it’s not that he will be introducing Gemma to Louis for the first time since he’s told her that they are officially official. Whatever that means. Fuck, they better say yes, god damn it.

 

January 25, 2011

1:05 pm

Armitage Sports Center

Moseley Road, Fallowfield Manchester

 

    

Louis peered his eyes at the east stand trying to see if there is a curly headed boy sitting in the stands. _Shit, where is he?_ It’s been five minutes since the start of the first half. He hasn’t even broken a sweat yet. They were doing some warm ups earlier, a few laps around the field, did some lunges to loosen up some muscles. All the players are still getting their groove on, figuring out each and every player’s strengths and weaknesses. It’s not that he didn’t watch some you tube videos of Uclan, he knows the players by heart. He spots a few are still playing in the team, notes Cal, last year’s team captain had graduated making George, the team’s mighty midfielder, the current captain. Yeah, he’s got his eyes on this one. The team came in third last year, theirs at fourth. He better get his game face on and stay focused. He can feel the excitement, feel it in the air. Game One. This is not like one of the drills Coach Roberts have been giving them before the start of the season. He steals a look at Niall who is on the other side of the field guarding the goal and Bressie who is on the left mid field, waiting for signals from him. He then hears a loud scream to his left, he looks up and the first thing he sees are the signs. Fucking idiots.

 

He shakes his head. _God, what has he gotten himself into?_ He looks back at them, Harry is holding up a sign that says YOU CAN PUT YOUR BALL THROUGH MY GOAL POST, Liam and Zayn holding up a sign with GAVE UP MY PERFECT ATTENDANCE JUST TO SEE YOU TOMLINSON perfectly printed on his sign and a blonde girl..wait, she looks familiar. There's a look of embarrassment written all over her face, like she wants to hide and run away from the stadium. She's barely holding up the sign that says BEND MY BROTHER LIKE BECKHAM. Brother? His eyes almost popped out of its sockets, his eyebrows arching up to the sky. _Fuck, it’s Gemma._ It took him a second or two to process this information. Gemma is here. The sister that Harry has been talking about for months. The one who made a snarky comment on Harry’s Instagram post “Yeah H, introduce your boyfriend to the world before me and mom. Classy.” _Damn it, Harry!_ You should’ve told me Gemma will be watching. A piercing whistle yanked his thoughts away from his panic to Harry’s indiscretions. We’ll talk about this later. He has to stay focused. First game Louis. Got to make a good impression.

 

He’s standing at the half line, right at the center with the other team’s captain, waiting for the referee to throw the coin. The referee walks in between them holding up the coin, looks at them then asked which face they'll be choosing. He chose heads, the other tails. The man nods at the both of them, raised his hand then flips the coin in the air, grabs it by his right hand then puts on the back of his left hand. Both captains strained to look at the face of the coin. He jumps, then claps his hands then points a finger at his chest to his team. He wants to start the kick off, thank you very much. There is nervous kind of energy that's sending electrical sparks from the tips of his fingers, making his toes curl. You can do this Tomlinson, he says to himself.  He gets to his position, waits for Dan to kick the ball towards him. Dan gets the ball, kicks it to Bressie who then passes it to Brent, who then kicks it back to Dan. Just a few more yards, keep running, get yourself close enough to the goal, Tommo. He runs fast to the right side of the field, waiting for Dan to give him a signal. He sees Dan kick the ball towards him. “Louis now” he shouts. It’s in HIS possession. He keeps running, making shorter strides, getting his right foot in contact with the ball. The goal line is just a few paces short. He hops forward, making one long stride to the opponent’s line. He plants his left foot on the ground, bends his left knee a little then leans back pointing his right foot towards the ball, angling it downward making a perfect striking position. His foot hits the right side of the ball, sending it to the left side of the goal post. The goalie jumps from his position, tries to stop the ball from getting in contact with the net. It almost passes the goal post, the goalie’s gloved hands almost touching the ball.  The ball hits the farthest corner of the goal, making a soft thump as it hits the net. The sound he made is nothing compared to the uproar of the people from the stands. He shoots a look at Harry, sending him a thumbs up sign. He hears Niall shouting from the field, two, three of his team mates came charging towards him. His friend reaches him first, embracing him hard making them tumble to the ground. Josh, Mike and Chester joining them to the ground, all silly with happiness. He just made the first score of the night. He can’t believe it. This is it, this is what he wants. All the apprehension he’s had long forgotten. This is what his heart desires. He is happy.

 

***

 

He holds the signs in his hands. Gemma was about to throw hers when he grabbed it from her. The nerve. Does she even realize the effort he put on making them, the hours he spent thinking of what to write on them? The design, the amount of glitter. GLITTER! There was even glitter lodged in between his toe nails. He was about to get an aneurysm trying to figure out how to hide them. Niall was extra nosy those past few days. Asking why he was always locked up inside his room, why he kept on borrowing his markers, why is there sparkly paint on his bum, why isn’t he with Louis, blah blah blah. He just had to make it special for Louis, it’s his first game, god damn it. Well, he also wants to make it fun for Gemma as well. She was the one who insisted that she has to meet Louis. And of course, any good sister wouldn’t be able to say no to his one and only condition—hold up a sign for Louis during the game. Nope, he told her. He won’t have it, no matter how many times she protested, she has to hold that sign up. The times she grumbled and pouted her red painted lips at him, nope, he will not let out. He drags Gemma to the locker room after the game, tells her to wait a few minutes outside while he tries to go inside and find Louis. He rolls the posters with his hands then holds them in his right hand like a pole. His excitement was bubbling like crazy. There was shouting and cheering when he peeked inside the room. He sees Bressie shirtless flipping his towel to someone’s ass, making a popping sound. A loud yelp was heard making him giggle. Dan, who was standing near the door saw him and waved for him to come inside.

 

“Hey mate! You looking for Louis?”

 

“Yeah, oh hey. Congrats man, you guys did so good. UCLAN didn’t see it coming.”

 

“Your boy was the one who suggested the play. Coach was very impressed.”

 

He smiled. He knows Louis have been watching a lot of videos on you tube, borrowing some coaching books in the library, even buying magazines and subscribing to channels that would discuss about strategies and theoretical concepts in tactical formations defensively and offensively. He knows Louis have been adamant from the start that he would like to be the smartest football player he could literally be not just with playing FIFA with Niall. It’s not that Niall is constantly wailing that Louis cheats every time they play the goddamn game. Nope, his boy does not cheat, ever. He slips the rolled up posters under his armpit then flips his hair to the side when he sees it. Fuck.

 

From the lockers, where he just saw Bressie flipping his towel to somebody’s ass making that popping sound is Louis, clad only in a towel, wrapped around his tiny waist, who is now massaging his backside. THE Backside..his uhm, BUM.  He swallows what little saliva he has in his mouth. His eyes travel from Louis’ bum to his stomach. There’s a small pudge there, not obscenely big, but just enough to pinch and touch and kiss and..shit. He’s got to stop right there. He blinks his eyes for the first time in minutes. Minutes, hours, he doesn’t know. He is ogling his boyfriend, who he hasn’t seen naked. He is not sure Louis is even naked now for christ’s sake, or is he? Well he’s visibly wet, maybe took a quick shower? Of-fucking-course he’s naked under that damn towel. Who takes their showers with their pants on? His gaze goes up to his head and sees water droplets dripping from his hair unto his face, collar and chest. Louis’ chest. His chest with sparse, soft downy hair scattered about on his upper chest. Not to mention the two small pink and perky buds that begs to be touched. And it’s wet. Louis is all wet. He’s suddenly thirsty. He gulps. His throat is as dry as the desert, mainly because of his mouth. His mouth that was relatively frozen wide open and being exposed to air for a prolonged period of time. Fuck, he wants to..okay Harold, stop this. He can’t make his mind go that way. They’ve only just kissed, well full on snogging to be honest. With clothes on. Sometimes with their shoes on, on the couch or at the backseat of Niall’s car (okay, that was ONE time, when Niall left them in the car when he got something in Tesco. Louis looked extra pretty that day, he can’t resist not kissing him alright!) but never on a bed, which is normally situated inside a bedroom, wherein Louis says, he can’t get inside his bedroom and vice versa. He pleads to Harry, not yet or else we won’t get to stop. He needs to take it slow, THEY need to take it slow. Louis admitted to him that he is still a virgin, and he will never attempt anything more unless Louis says he is ready. And he will wait for him, he will wait forever if he can.

 

He tries to mask his obvious staring by quickly averting his eyes from Louis to Dan’s, face his vision becoming crossed. He blinks a couple of times until he clearly sees Dan’s face who now sporting a mischievous smile. One of his eyebrows is slightly raised, his mouth twitched upward to the left. He was just caught creepily fantasizing in broad daylight with his boyfriend.

 

“You alright mate?” Dan asks while patting him on the back.

 

He feigns coughing exaggeratedly and then for some unfortunate circumstance, he found himself choking on his spit. And then that turned into him starting to gasp for air. _Oh no!_ He thinks his eyes are about to bulge out from its sockets and his chest feels like it's on fire. Fuck, fuck, fuck! What is happening to me?  I can’t possibly have an asthma attack here, oh my god! He curls to himself, clutches his chest. There are hands trying to help him lay down and hears people shouting to get the nurse. A loud voice reverberates from the room. A female voice. A voice he has heard and known for nineteen years of his life. Dear lord in heaven, it’s Gemma.

 

“Harry, I don’t care if I see penises when I come in, but you left me no choice. I won’t be standing in some dingy corridor with no one to talk to for twenty minutes and see people running out from this room calling for a nurse. What the hell is going on?”

 

“Gemma?”

“Gemma?”

 

He feels mortified. I can’t believe this is happening. He wants to hide away from Gemma and Louis and Dan and the whole god damn team. There are arms around his body, his head nestled to its chest. A hand massages his back and there are lips that are barely touching his temples somewhat trying to soothe him. He sneaks a peak of who was holding him on the floor and sees blue eyes. Louis. He starts to count, “One, two, three, inhale. Hold, then one, two, three, exhale.” Just like what Louis is telling him to do. He does this four more times until he could feel his body relax.

 

“Good boy. Keep doing that H, alright?” He nods and repeats it one more time, and then does a long exhale. "Yeah, feeling okay now, love?” he feels himself smile then sigh. He’s too good for me. My hot boyfriend, who is holding me with his lean, strong arms, who is just wearing towel and is still wet. His very damp hair caressing my cheeks. He swoons.

 

“Tsk, tsk now I get why you want to get in here alone, H. Shameless, utterly embarrassing and irrevocably pitiful. I see your heart eyes, little brother.” She scoffs.

 

He suddenly feels himself blushing. Not just rosy pink flushed cheeks, like I-look-cute-as-a-bunny-cause-my-boyfriend-saved-me-from-imminent-death-cute, but red, hot heat, like the back of a pan that has been left on the burner for hours making a stew heat. He might’ve looked like he’s as red as a beetroot. There is sweltering heat on his face, ears, neck and chest, his whole body seemed to be on fire.The only word coming into his mind right now—Torture. She will genuinely torture me for this. I will never hear the end of it. He wants the earth to open and swallow him whole. He closes his eyes, tries to breath as steadily as possible. No rescue will come from this embarrassment. He needs to control this absolute humiliation about to ensue.

 

“Gemma, this is Louis. Lou, this loud woman is my absolute horror of a sister, Gemma.”

 

He sees her sister walks towards where they are. Louis pulls him close, rubbing his arms gently, like saying It’s fine Harry. He presses his body to Louis, his stomach fluttering to the simple gesture. Gemma bends and extends her well manicured her hands to Louis, the free hand not holding Harry carefully grasping her hand,  giving her a firm handshake.

 

“I’m so sorry we had to meet this way, but I'm glad to have finally met you.” Louis tries to get up, but seemed to think otherwise when he probably realized his nakedness. Yes Gemma, my boyfriend is naked under that towel. He notices Gemma giving Louis a once over, tilts her head to the side, raises one eyebrow, narrows her eyes then smirks. He felt Louis squirm to the attention, tries to cover himself with his hand to his chest. “Ehrm, love. If you are quite alright now, I need to put on some clothes before we go out. Gemma, if you can just uhm, get Harry, I‘ll just be a moment.”

 

“Yes, Louis. Sure, I’ll just get this idiot of a brother of mine out of your way. It is really nice to meet you. This is actually the perfect way to meet. Even in the most inopportune time.” They shook hands again then eases his body to Gemma’s waiting arms. He groans when he feels Louis finally standing up and walked away from them. Damn, he was getting comfortable.

 

He refuses to look at his sister. He tries his hardest to keep his gaze downward, until he feels Gemma pinch him on his sides. _Ouch!_ It’s at that moment that he made the mistake of actually looking at his sister. She can’t even contain that barely concealed glee. He knows that look. He gives her the exact look when he knew he wasn’t caught by their mother the next day. When he had snuck out of their shared bedroom window to go to his friends party to drink and smoke pot. There is an apparent triumph in that smile. The upward turn of the corners of her mouth, her dimples popping, the raised eyebrows, he knows he will pay for this.

 

“Gemma, my beautiful sister.” He swings his arms to his sister’s neck, almost toppling them over.

 

“Hi, wonderful brother. Had fun playing damsel in distress to your boyfriend and in front of his teammates? You do have the best of luck with timing.” As she pulls him and practically dragging him out of the room. “Harry, use your wobbly legs why don’t you, so we can walk out of here.” She huffs.

 

“Yes, and it was all worth it whatever wrath you’ll do unto me dear sister of mine.” He gives her a dopey smile and puts all his weight on her body. Not even attempting to move accordingly. She just have to suffer a little bit longer.

 

“Oh Harry, you keep this up and I’ll give you a few ideas on my mind right now. Just you wait.” The glint in her eyes giving away the mischief she will be doing later. Fuck.


	8. Chapter 8

 

October 21, 2016

5:03 pm

Bewick Court, Wolverhampton

 

He didn’t sleep the whole night. He tried, he closed his eyes as soon as Harry turned the lights off. He pretended as he lay facing the wall. He even faked heavy breathing, counting two, three seconds before exhaling. There are tingling sensations on his left hand extending to his arm from bearing his weight for a prolonged period of time. He can’t move. He won’t move. He hears soft snores from Harry. He knows he is laying on his sides too. Knows he is facing the door, his body angled away from him. There is not much space to move, the bed being twin sized only. Now he feels his whole arm going numb. Does he risk having his arm amputated from decreased circulation or shove his damn anxiety down the drain over proximity to just move his body to get in a more comfortable position. Damn it, he has insurance right? Yup, amputation it is then.

 

There is shuffling from the other side of the bed, an arm wrapping around his waist, pulling him, pressing his back unto bare chests. Warm, shallow breaths tickles the back of his neck, sending shivers down spine. A leg then slots in between his legs, tangling his ankle, locking him in place. His body curls perfectly to this body, like it was made just for this. His body stiffens. He doesn’t know if he should move away from Harry’s hold or keep still and leave their bodies in this position. His mind is going overdrive, but doesn’t want to disturb Harry’s peace. Their peace. He closes his eyes, makes a silent prayer that Harry is just asleep and thought that he’s hugging a pillow. But then, he feels Harry’s pelvis move, making thrusting movements, a humming sound coming out from his lips. Please, don’t say something. Please, don’t say a name, he begs in his head.

 

“Please.”

 

He freezes. Please don’t say a name. Please don’t say my name.

 

“Lou.”

 

“Lou, I need you.”

 

He wanted to get away. He just have to.. he’ll just have to get out from Harry’s embrace as gently as he can, move the arm holding his body away, unlocking his tangled ankles from his leg and scoot his body slowly until he does not touch a single part of Harry’s body.  But instead, he lifts his waistband, pulls his pants down, exposing the meatiest part of his body. He places his hand on top of Harry’s hand moving it to his groin. The heat between his legs is giving off the want he has in his head, his body practically screaming to be touched. It has been a long time. He needs this too. Fuck, he needs this bad. His body is on fire. Soft lips are now moving from his neck, kitten licks that goes from his neck to his shoulders. The hand in his groin is moving deeper until he feels it cup his balls. His body arches, reacting to the sensation. A moan escapes his lips.

 

“Lou.. Lou please tell me you want this.”

 

He moans again. He feels Harry’s clothed hard on in between his ass cheeks.  They are breathing fast now, heart beats racing. He wants to feel Harry, he wants to touch him too.

 

“Your pants.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Why do you still have your pants on?’

 

The fucker chuckles, but obliges. He swiftly pulls down his pants, gets his body back to the position, curls his hips to Louis’ bottom, puts his dick in between his thighs.

 

“What do you want Louis?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Do you want this? Do you want my hands, my mouth?”

 

“I don’t know Harry. I don’t...but I want to...I want to feel you...want to touch you Harry”

 

He turns his head when he says the last part. Blue on Green. His hard facade melting into pure want. He needs to know Harry knows he wants him, he wants to do this just as much as he does.

 

“Okay.”

 

He lets Harry move him. Turning him so they lay facing each other. Their chests pressed, Harry’s hand already on his hip, he raises his hand, shaking with the anticipation of touching this body. He looks deep in to his emerald eyes, hundreds of questions going off his mind. Harry gives him a reassuring smile, urging him to touch, to feel him. He decides on placing the palms of his hand to his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Thump, thump, thump. He tries to figure if his heart beats the same. If they are still in sync like before. His gaze drops to Harry’s lips. It’s as plump and red as he remembered them. He licks his lips, the motion getting Harry’s attention. He notices the other man tuck his lower lip in his teeth and gulps. Without any hesitation, his fingers tugs on his chin, forcing his teeth to let go of his lip. He leans in then licks Harry’s lips. He hears him hum, then grips his hips harder, pulling their pelvises as close as possible. Harry opens his mouth, allowing his tongue to dive in. Louis licking tentatively in his lips, then feels Harry’s tongue move forward, they are all tongues now. He captures his tongue with his lips making a sound, Harry groaning into it. He wants more. Their kisses becomes sloppy, feels spit dripping from the corners of his mouth. He doesn’t care, he wants it, wants to taste Harry. All of him. He moves his hand from his chest and touches his flat stomach. Harry shivers, making him smile. It makes him bold, to give in to the want. He moves his hands lower, until his fingertips touches the downy hair leading to Harry’s stiff dick. There’s precome dripping from it, making him want to have a taste. He places his thumb on top of the head and swipes. Harry moans louder. He puts his thumb to his lips, sucking it until its gets pulled out and replaced by Harry’s mouth hungrily sucking his tongue until he’s gasping for air. Harry pulls out with a popping sound and attacks his neck. He turned his head, giving Harry more access to his neck. His head is spinning. He wants to stop, but his body wanted this for so long. Slurping sounds and groans are heard from the room, if any one can hear it, there is no denying what is actually happening in it. He tugs Harry’s head away from his neck and kisses him.

 

“Harry, I want you to fuck me.”

 

“Are you sure? I’m alright with just doing this.”

 

“I want you Harry. Don’t make me change my mind.”

 

“Lou, uhm..I. I don’t have supplies here.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I don’t have a condom or even...ehrm astroglide with me.” eyes glinting when he says this.

 

He starts to laugh, his body shaking with the absurdity. He covers his mouth with his hand, cause if he doesn’t he’ll start to belly laugh. Harry in turn laughs too, tears pooling from the corners of his eyes. He hugs him, tucking his face into Harry’s neck. He whispers on his ears.

 

“This reminds me so much of our first time.”

 

 

 

January 25, 2011

9:50 pm

St. Anselm’s Hall, Room 28

University of Manchester, United Kingdom

 

He follows Louis into his room, their hands clasped together. Liam is out with Zayn, sure that he’ll be spending the night in his boyfriend’s apartment. His limbs are walking uncoordinatedly into the hallway. The dim lighting not helping. He shakes his head a few times, he sees Louis still holding his hand. This is such pretty sight. Him following his boy to his room, their hands linked together. Louis looked back at him and smiles. Jesus, he’s so beautiful.

 

Having a few drinks with Gemma and the boys is never a good decision. He needed the drink,  he especially needed it when Louis says in his ear in a hushed tone. _Spend the night with me._ Blood rushed from his ear straight to his dick. Holy shit, this is the night. He desperately wants it to be perfect. He had dreamed of this for many nights. His dick sole witness to the countless nights of him jerking off in Louis’ image in his kit, in his awfully tight white pants, his tattered tank that he insists on wearing whenever they study in the library. He wants to rip them off of his body, yank that fucking thing he calls pants. _How tight can one trousers be?_ He feels his cock twitch.

 

“So, H.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Were you even listening to the words I’ve said?”

 

“Wha.. what is it Lou?”

 

“Is it okay if I use the loo for a mo. I need to freshen up a bit, ehrm, not unless you want to go first?”

 

“Yeah, yeah Lou. I’ll take a piss real quick.”

 

“Oh, okay. I’ll just grab a couple of water bottles from the fridge.”

 

He trips on his way to the bathroom. Fuck, act cool Styles. It’s not like it’s your fucking first time. Damn, but it is for Louis. He just..he wants it to be absolutely perfect for him. When he reaches the bathroom, the first thing he did was splash water on his face. He wipes it with the hem of his shirt. Wait, do I smell good? He sniff his pits and blows air from his mouth to his palms. Okay, not that fresh, but acceptable good. He chances upon a mouthwash, gargles a bit then spits the liquid. He then unzip his pants, whips his cock out and takes a piss. He washes his hands then goes out looking for Louis. He walked back to the kitchen thinking Louis might still be there, but found it empty. The light from the windows casting shadows to the room. Hmm. He then walked to Louis’ bedroom and found the door ajar. He opened it wider and found Louis standing by his opened window, his face looking at the sky.

 

“Lou.”

 

He turned his face towards him, his face so serene as though he was praying.

 

“Hi.”

 

He approaches him, careful not to disturb the moment. He lifts his hands cupping his face. He looks at his eyes. He wants to know if he wanted it to happen tonight, with him, in this room.

 

“We don’t need to do anything you are not ready.” He brushes his thumbs to his cheeks, and kisses it, one cheek at a time. Louis nods.

 

“I’m ready H. I’ve thought about this for a long time. And I..I want my first to be you.”

 

He gives a soft peck to his lips, his hands slowly moving to his neck. He deepens the kiss, hears him softly whimper. Louis’ hands clutches his shirt, as his hand moving from his neck to his shoulders down to his waist. One of Louis’ legs slots in between his legs, his hands sliding from his hips down underneath his thighs. He lifts him up to his hip and lets Louis’ legs hug his body. They kept on kissing until the back of his legs hits the edge of the bed, their hands all over each others body. Louis had one of his hands at the back of his head tugging his hair, the other gripping his shoulder, as if he’s afraid he will let him go. His hand travels from his thighs to his back, pushing the hems of Louis’s shirt up, exposing his back. He drags his nails on to his back, making the other boy tremble.

 

“Lou, sshhh…” He tucks Louis’ head to his neck, his arms enveloping his shaking body. He sits at the edge of the bed still holding Louis as his legs straddles him. He strokes his arms and kisses his ear.

 

“I want this Harry, I’m just so nervous.”

 

He looks at Louis’ troubled face. He kisses his lips softly. “We’ll go slow okay, tell me when you feel you are uncomfortable and I’ll stop. I promise baby, it’s alright with me if we stop.” and kisses him again with more intensity.

 

“I want to be good for you.”

 

“You already are Lou, the moment you said yes to me.” He rests his forehead to his and looks him in the eye as he says this.

 

“Okay?”

 

“Okay. Uhm, I want to..can we.. lay down?”

 

“You’re shaking Lou.” his thumb caresses his cheeks, his other hand still holding on to his arm. He’s afraid to let him go, he looks at Louis, concern written all over his face. He is still shaking.

 

“I don’t know how to stop it.” he puts his hands to his face, he knows he’s getting frustrated.  “ I..I don’t know what’s happening with my body. Can we lay down a bit? I promise I want this. I just..”

 

Harry gets his hands off his face, his face flushed and embarrassed. He kisses him once more before saying “Of course Lou. You want me to turn on the lights?” He lays Louis in the middle of the bed,  one arm holding his head the other making soothing movements on his hips.

 

“No. You’ll see..I don’t know if.. You’ll see me.”

 

“Okay, lights off....”

 

“But I want to see you. Please, I wanna see you.” he grips Harry’s shirt while he says this.

 

“You’ll see me baby, I’m here. I won’t leave you, I’m here Louis.”

 

“Shit, is it really like this?" He softly chuckles. He licks his lips, he inhales then blows air through his mouth. “I..I’ve got supplies H. It’s on the drawer, uhmm yeah, let me just...”

 

He knows he said this to keep himself distracted. He can still feel him trembling as he reaches for his drawer. When he got what he needed, he sits on the middle of the bed, his bum resting on top of his folded legs. He did the same, sits on the bed and looks at the items Louis has in his hands. He is smiling to himself, like he’s got a present for Harry. He places three boxes of condoms on the bed, one is labeled medium, the other large and another extra large. He also got a bottle of astroglide. He snorts. _My poor boyfriend._ He knew Louis is a planner. He might’ve asked people about this. He needs to have a word with Liam and Zayn. Their choice of lube is horrifying. _And extra large?_ He chuckles. Heck he doesn’t want to be presumptuous, but with the amount of snogging they’ve done, he thinks he’s made a good enough impression on Louis. _But extra large?_

 

“Okay Lou, thank you for getting all of these, but I use large, babe. And next time, I’ll pick the lube, alright? Old people use Astroglide, Louis. I promise you, there are a few more lubes I think I need to properly introduce you to.” his grin earning him a slap on the arm.

 

“I just want to make sure I got everything. Zayn said..”

 

“Tsk tsk, okay babe. First, I love you for being so prepared, for probably going to Superdrug in the middle of the night to get these. Second, you ask me about these things, love. You don’t have to ask Zayn or Liam or anybody. You can ask me, okay? Thirdly, did I say I love you yet? I really do Lou, I love you.” He leans in and pecks him on the lips. Louis smiles into it. He hums. He kisses his temples, his eyes, his nose and his lips.

 

When their face separated, he sees Louis hold the ends of his shirt, lifts it and tugs it off his head. His eyes are soft, his face open. He is relaxed now, the pensive look he had melts into something calm and inviting. It is as if he is waiting for Harry to make the next move. He never left his gaze on him. He takes his shirt off too, his body squirms a bit as he sees Louis drops his gaze to his chest and his stomach. Fuck, he’s never been this vulnerable with anybody. Louis keeps on staring, like he is memorizing all the curves and crevices of his body. He touches him, his cold fingertips brushing his pecs, his nipples and his sternum. His other hand is firmly placed on top of his thighs. He moves closer, the other hand not holding him reaches for his hand. Louis guides it to his chest, both of them touching regions that they haven’t explored before.

 

“You have four nipples.”

 

“I do.”

 

“Can I kiss them? All of them?”

 

“Yes.” he gulps.

 

He moves closer, their knees bumping. Louis’ hand moves to his hip as he leans and kisses his left nipple. He closes his eyes. Now, it’s his turn to tremble. His body warm all over. He’s breathing hard, his Adam's apple bobs as he feels the first lick. Fuck, this is too much.  

 

“Lou.” he doesn’t even know where to touch Louis, where he’s allowed to. He grips Louis’ waist and pushes him to the bed, his body going with the motion as he attaches his lips to his. He pins him on the bed with his body, placing himself in between the V of his legs. He aligns their crotches, grinding as he sucks the skin underneath Louis’ ear. A loud audible groan is heard from the boy beneath him, his pelvis thrusting indiscriminately. Louis’ legs wraps his waist, one of his feet gets entangled to his waist band. He pushes the pads of his foot down on his bum, urging him to do it harder. They are both hard now, their pants probably grazing the skin of their cocks as he humps harder. His movement becomes erratic, like he can’t control his hips. Louis’ nails digs into his back, sure that it’ll leave some marks in the morning.

 

“Get your pants off. I wanna feel you.”

 

Okay Styles, get naked fast--NOW. His hand swiftly moving to the front of his jeans, tries to get the first button off. He’s still kissing Louis, doesn’t want to lose this intoxicating feeling of want. He undid three buttons, pulls his pants down together with his boxers just below his knees. Louis’ hands are on him in seconds as he feels exposed skin, nails scratching the surface of his bum. He tries jerking the fabric off, but gets bunched up at his ankles. He huffs and tries getting it off with his toes. Louis helps him by pushing it down with his feet.

 

“It’s okay Harry. It’s off love. Come on, do me now.”

 

He looks down and sees the jeans he’s wearing. How in the world would he get this off? It’s like second skin on Louis. He puts his hand to his waistband, inching his fingers to the buttons of his jeans.

 

“You need help H?” he says with a sly grin.

 

“I’ve got this you, twat.” He unbuttoned his jeans, gets the zipper down when he sees hair. He’s not wearing pants, Jesus Christ. When they were at the bar, the fucker was free balling while casually talking with his sister. He grits his teeth and continued unzipping him. He looks up and sees Louis smiling.

 

“Are you trying to kill me?”

 

“No, I’m trying to make it easier for my boyfriend to get me naked. Like right now, if possible. Can you do that love, have me naked right now?”

 

He growls and forcibly yanks the god forsaken, skin tight jeans off Louis’ body. He giggles while he did this, enjoyed seeing the want from Harry’s eyes. The giggling stopped when he kisses his knees, his hands pushing his thighs apart. His legs twitched. He gaze travels to Louis’s thighs to his cock and sees it for the first time. It’s uncut. It sways stiffly in front of him, the head flushed a deep shade of pink as it peeks from the foreskin. He licks his tongue. It’s so pretty. He kisses further up, his lips kissing his inner thighs, his nose brushing his groin. He inhales. He smells a hint of soap and sweat. Louis shudders, his hips arching hitting the side of his head. He grounds him by putting both his hands to his hips, steadying him.

 

“Harry.”

 

“I’ve got you. I’ve got you, Lou.”

 

He kisses the tip of his cock, making Louis gasp. He then licks it from the base, putting pressure on the prominent vein on the side of his dick. Louis squirms, groany moans escaping his lips. His hands clenching the sheets, desperate to stay still. He began sucking the head, opening his mouth wider as he allows more of the length to get into his mouth. Louis’ legs began to shake, his knees buckling, trapping his head. He chuckled as he pushes his thighs apart gently, stroking his thighs to make him relax. He lowers his head, up and down his length a few more times when Louis taps his head softly.

 

“Ha..rry you need to stop. I’m.. I don’t want to come yet.”

 

“Do you not like it?”

 

“I do. Fuck Harry I do. But.. I need you in me.”

 

He lazily tugs Louis’ cock as he gets a hold of the lube. He flips the cap and presses the center of the tube. Nothing. He presses harder, still nothing. He squints his eyes to the top of the tube, decides to turn the cap to open it. The things is still sealed. _Shit._ He internally groans. He takes the seal off and at that moment, a large amount of lube spurts out of the opening, some dripping from its mouth, most drops on to the sheets, soaking it. _Mother fucker._

 

“Harry, is there a problem?”

 

“There’s still seal on the bottle of lube, Lou.”

 

“Yeah, cause I just bought it from the store. Why, is there not supposed to be a seal?”

 

“Well..the thing is. Shit, Lou. Never mind, okay.  Everything is fine.” He wants to laugh, but there’s this thing he has to do. He’s got to get this under control. Fuck, Louis. I love you but sometimes… He shakes his head and squirts some lube unto his fingers. He drops the tube and puts his hand back to Louis’ cock, slowly jerking him off. He hovers above him, looking at his face.

 

“Uhmm, I need to open you up babe, okay. I’ve got some lube on my fingers then I’ll start to finger you.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Remember to breath, love. When you feel my finger, take a deep breath, then exhale.” He starts rubbing his fingers together warming up the lube. He kisses him once before going down on him again. He sucked him slowly, slurping sounds heard from his mouth. He ghosts his wet finger in Louis’s hole, spreading the lube first before inserting the tip of his index finger. Louis’ right leg jerks, as he shouts “Shit.” He inches his finger further as he continued to suck Louis. He is a squirming mess now, his legs flapping and jerking, making guttural noises he can’t describe. It’s making his cock hard, close to being painful. He breathes through his nose as he swallows his cock fully. He grabs the lube again and puts more in his finger. He pushes pass the knuckles, in and out until he feels Louis gets used to the feeling.

 

“Lou, I’m going to put another finger in you, okay. Don’t forget to breath baby. You are doing so good.”  he massages his stomach, tongue doing circling motion on the head of his cock. As he pulls out his index finger, he puts more lube on his fingers then pushes two fingers in. Louis stomach sunken, his feet plants flat on the bed. He lifts his ass unconsciously, his hands gripping the sheets.

 

“Hhhmmp...”

 

He continued the movement of his fingers, scissoring it, then thrusts in and out. Speeding the phase more and more. He stopped sucking as he looks up to Louis. He is mesmerized. His torso arching up as he tries to control his body, his mouth gasping and moaning at the same time. He has his eyes are closed, his head tipped to the side, pressed unto the pillows.  

 

“H, I can’t anymore. Please..please fuck me now.”

 

“Lou, I need to open you up more. One more babe and then you’ll have me.”

 

“I don’t want to come from your fingers, Harry. Please, just fuck me.”

 

He sits up, sees Louis’ his head pressed on to the headboard, his torso arches as he thrusts his fingers, scissoring it wider. "I don’t want to hurt you, babe. One more, alright?" He pulls out, puts more lube on his fingers, shoves three fingers in. With just a few thrusts, Louis is screaming, begging him to stop.

 

“No more, Harry. Please.”

 

He propped his knees underneath Louis bent legs, slid his legs up to waist, his other arm loops under his armpit, his hand cradling his head. He kept the movement of his other hand, slower now as he tries to soothe Louis. He scratches the back of his head, noses his cheeks.

 

“Okay Lou, I just don’t want to hurt you.” He kisses him twice, until he sees the boy open his eyes. ”You’ll have me baby. I’ll give you what you want. I just have to be sure you are ready.” and kisses him again.

 

He pulls his fingers out, wipes it on the sheets as he tries to find the condoms. “Lou, I need you to play with yourself for a moment, okay. I got to..” he draws Louis’ shaking hands to his cock. He moves quickly, gets the box, tears one packet and rips the foil. He strokes his cock a few times just before he puts on the condom. He gets the lube again, putting more than necessary. He pulls out one of the pillows, puts in under Louis’ ass as he positions his hips in between his legs. He nestles his cock on Louis’ cheeks, his wet entrance inviting and ready.

 

“You ready?”

 

“Y..eah.”

 

He grips his dick, slowly pressing into the opening. The head of his cock passing the rim of his hole. He grits his teeth.  _Fuck._ He notices Louis wince, his eyebrows furrowed, his lips held tightly in between his teeth. He kisses him on the cheeks, murmuring encouragements. “Breath baby, don’t forget to breath.” He brushes his wet bangs off his forehead, kisses his eyelids and says, “Open your eyes, Lou.” He pushes further, way pass the head of his dick, almost halfway through his whole length. His elbows resting on the side of Louis’ shoulders. “Look at me Lou, open your eyes baby.”

 

Louis opened his eyes, tears pooling on its side, a lone tear falls on his cheek. He brushes it with his thumb, voice soft as he asks “Are you okay? Am I hurting you?”

 

He shakes his head, more tears spilling from his eyes. He starts sobbing now, his whole body shaking.

 

“What’s wrong Lou, you want me to stop?” He was about to pull out, when Louis’ hand grips his back, his legs closing tighter on his body.

 

“No.” he says in a raspy voice. “I am just happy.”

 

“Then why are you crying?”

 

“I’ve waited for so long. And I can’t believe..I can’t believe I got lucky with you.”

 

He presses a firm kiss on his lips. Louis humming as he deepens the kiss. He was breathless when their lips separated. “I love you.”

 

“I love you so much, Harry.”  he exclaimed.

 

Their mouths found each other again, both smiling as their tongues pushed and licked. He sucks on his tongue, Louis groaning into it. He lifts his legs further bringing it to his hips, Louis heels starts digging unto his back. He jutted his body down further, pushing a few more inches of himself into Louis’ tight opening. The heat enveloping his dick, making his mind heady. Louis is so tight he thinks he’ll come with just one full thrust. He controls his breathing, counting a few seconds as he pushes down more, his full weight now on top of Louis. He kept looking at Louis’ face, trying to catch his gaze. Green on Blue. He feels like he’s in a trance. He can’t look away. He nuzzles his nose onto Louis’, puckering his lips to kiss him. He finds his rhythm, thrusting slowly, Louis gasping, his breath catching in his throat. “Please move faster. I want you to move faster, Harry.” He rolls his hips, his arms looping around Louis’ back, his hands clutching his shoulders. They are hugging impossibly tight now, their hips moving in a faster tempo. He latches on Louis neck, sucking and lathing his tongue on the sides up to curves of his shoulder blades. He feels the bed creaking, the walls making a thumping sound.

 

“Harry..Harry I think I’m gonna come.” just as he says this, his hole suddenly clenches around his cock, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, his mouth open in a silent scream. Hot, warm come pulses from his dick to his belly, some reaching his chest. He does a few fast thrusts as he tries to reach his orgasm. He groans loudly as he shoots into the condom, his body writhing as Louis caresses his back, sighing deeply. When both of them came down from the intense orgasm, he rubs his nose to his cheekbones, Louis in return kisses the corners of his lips.

Harry looks at him and sees him smiling. He pecks him on the lips three times then lets his elbow rest on the side of Louis’ head, his own head resting on his palm.

 

“Thank you.” he says tenderly.

 

“For what?” he exhaled laugh while saying this.

 

“For choosing me.”

 

A smile spreading across his face. “I’ll always choose you, Harry. Always.”   


	9. Chapter 9

 

January 23, 2015

10:35 am

London Bridge Hospital, London

 

He sees white. The ceiling he’s looking at is white. He blinks, tries to lift his arm to brush his eyes, but it’s too heavy. Something is attached to it. He looks down and sees an IV catheter hooked on his right hand, glances to left and sees a pulse oximeter attached to his left index finger.  He attempts to stand up, but he feels too tired, like he’s done drills for hours straight. He tries to move his legs, feels his right leg twitch, but it seems frozen in place. Strange, no movement. He tries to lift his left leg again, still no movement. He lifts his head and tips his chin down and sees his left leg. From the lower part of his thighs down to his toes, it is wrapped with a white bandage. There is a drain on the side of his knee, his leg elevated to a forty five degree angle from the bed. There are three visible metal rods a few inches below his knees poking on each side of his leg. Two thick twined nylon strings attached to two parallel beams running perpendicular to the length of his leg that is supporting his whole leg, keeping it elevated. He whimpers. It all comes flooding in, all that has happened during the game. He is breathing heavily, his hands clenching. He hears beeping sounds at the side of his head. He doesn’t care. Let them come in. Let them know I’m fucking awake now. Come see how pathetic I am.

 

He hears footsteps, a gasp coming from the foot of the bed.

 

“Oh my god Lou, you’re awake.”

 

He knows that voice. Harry.

 

“Lou baby, can you hear me?” he sees his face. Blue on Green. He’s got tears in his eyes. He doesn’t hold him, just kept looking, like he sees a wounded dog ran over by a bicycle. _Why wouldn’t you hold me?_

 

He doesn't talk, just kept looking at Harry face as he hears more footsteps coming inside the room.

 

“Why is he not talking? Lou baby, can you hear me?” He’s asking frantically now to the people who is checking on the monitor beside his head. There are two figures in his periphery, both wearing white. He still stares at Harry, searching his face, searching for signs how bad things are.  

 

“Doctor, why is he not talking? What is happening to him?”

 

“Harry calm down. Can you wait outside for a few minutes. We have to make sure Louis is stable.” a man wearing a long white coat says.

 

“No, I am not leaving this room. I was promised to be with him all the time. You can’t..”

 

“Harry, love. Let’s step outside for a bit okay. Let Dr. Atkinson check on Louis. Come on, love.”

 

“Mom.” he croaks

 

“Hi, baby.” He sees his mother approaching the bed. Her kind eyes looking at his face, no hint of panic, just pure concern. She caresses his cheeks. He leans into her hands and starts to sob. “It’s going to be okay, Lou.” she kisses him on the cheeks as she rubs his thumb on the side of his eye. “Don’t cry baby. We’ll just be outside the room, I promise.” She kisses him again, and he feels a hand stroking his left arm.

 

“Lou, I’m here. Baby I’m here.”

 

He closes his eyes and nods. He feels a light peck on his lips. _Harry._

 

***

 

“Harry, you need to make a statement about what happened to Louis. I already received calls from Bristol Post and Independent.” He hears Mr. Ferguson say on the phone. He doesn’t know what to do. He and Jay just talked with the doctor and he said Louis did well on the surgery and is stable. They need to talk about this first, he needs to wait for Louis to wake up. If he makes a statement now, Louis will never forgive him. He has to wait.

 

“Louis is still asleep sir. The doctor gave him something just now. He.. he did not take the news well when Dr. Atkinson told him about his leg.”

 

“I understand Harry, but we need to make a statement as soon as possible or else the rumors will start coming up. I’m giving you and Louis forty eight hours, okay son?” He says this to him with a bit of sadness.

 

“Yes sir.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. He has no idea what to do.

 

“Give me a call when you decide to conduct the press conference. I need to make a statement as well to coincide with yours.”

 

“Yes sir.”

 

“Okay, take care son. And also Harry, please give Jay my regards.”

 

“Yes, will do sir.” then he hears a click. He sighs. It was just moments ago when Dr. Atkinson asked him and Jay to talk about what they’ve done to Louis’ leg. The prognosis he said, is very optimistic. He just hopes Louis sees it that way too.

 

***

 

“Louis had an open and displaced tibial fracture. I believe this was brought about by the impact of Colin’s kick on his left shin. The surgery went well, his medications are all via his IV, so no need to wake him up to take them for now. I’ve placed him on antibiotics to prevent infection, analgesics for the pain and an anti-inflammatory to prevent swelling. He may be a bit woozy and out of it most of the time for next seventy two hours. Louis will stay here in the ICU for twenty four hours until I deem it fit to transfer him in a regular room.” He then motions them to follow him to the nurses station, where he flips a switch and one of the walls lights up. A nurse hands him a big envelope, upon which he opens it and brings out several film plates.

 

“Jay, Harry, I will be showing you some films of his x-ray to give you an idea of the extent of his injury. This first film shows the fractured bone. As you can see, the bone is completely broken and has somehow punctured his skin. I’ve done an MRI on his leg and luckily, he has not severed any major blood vessels and nerves. In that case, your son Jay, is lucky. The only major problem that we will be facing is how to treat his broken bone. During surgery, I placed a metal rod in his leg that extends from the knee down to the distal one-third of his shin bone. This rod is inside the bone itself, so it may hold the bone in place and aid in the proper healing process of the bone. The screws and bolts that you see on his legs are the ones that are putting the rod intact with the tibial bone making it aligned and stable. You have to understand, these types of fractures, it takes weeks to heal. It may take two weeks to twelve weeks, even months depending on how the bone heals and how Louis will cooperate during therapy. And I have to see Louis every three weeks to do an x-ray and MRI of his leg to check if the bone is deformed, misaligned or if there is any problems with the circulation in that area. Do you have any questions Jay, Harry?”

 

“You said several weeks to heal doctor, that does mean he has to stay in bed all the time?” Jay asks.

 

“No, I’ll be requesting an occupational therapist and a physical therapist to come to him once he is transferred to a regular room. He does not need to be non-ambulatory all the time. In fact, I will encourage him to do some exercises to help him mobilize his limbs properly. He needs to do these exercises to keep circulation in his leg. Nothing strenuous, just simple exercises for the meantime.”

 

“Uhm doctor, will he get to play again?” he softly asks.

 

“Yes Harry, he can play again. As I’ve said earlier, as long as Louis’ leg heals properly, and I just have to say, there are other cases like this kind of injury and they went on and continued their careers for years. He has to be patient. Rehab is never easy from the beginning. I will make it a point that he sees me regularly to check up on his progress.”

 

He breathes audibly, his hands clenching unto Jay’s hands. Dr. Atkinson says he can play again. Thank God. Jay looked at him, tears pooling from her eyes. Her lips quivering, giving a half hearted smile. They nod at each other. She pulls him into a hug, wrapping her arms to his body, both of them sobbing mess now. His fingers curls to her blouse, not clasping tightly, just to keep himself grounded. She kisses him on the temple before loosening her hold and approaches the doctor.

 

“Thank you doctor. Thank you for taking care of my son.” as she hugs the man.

 

“Your welcome Jay. But don’t thank me yet. We still have weeks to see how this goes. All of us need to work together to make Louis better, okay? We need him back out there kicking balls as soon as possible.” Dr. Atkinson cracks a smile, as he holds Jay’s hand. The man claps him on the back and says his final pleasantries before leaving them. One of the nurses informs them that Louis is already awake and is asking for them. They walked hand in hand back to the room when he hears his name being called. He turns his head and sees his blonde friend rushing from the elevators, still clad in his team’s kit.

 

“Harry, mate.”

 

“Ni, what are you doing here? I thought you had a game in Leeds?” His friend gives him a bone crushing hug then releases him. He looks at him, his eyebrows burrowed, concern written all over his face.

 

“I came right after the game. It’s all over the news H. Li texted me where to find you. Jay, hi. How are you? How is Lou?” he gives her a kiss on the cheeks as he follows them inside Louis room.

 

“Ehrm, sirs, madam. We can only allow two visitors at a time inside his room. I do apologize for this.”

 

“H, Jay go ahead. I’ll just for you guys outside. Li and Zayn are on their way already. Might as well wait for them there.”

 

“Ni, I’ll be quick I promise. I’ll be back. I just..”

 

“H, no worries. Go see Lou.”

 

“Okay.”

 

***

 

February 13, 2015

8:00 pm

Physiotherapy Unit, London Bridge Hospital

 

“I can’t do it.” his arms are trembling, his legs slowly moving one step at a time. He can feel beads of sweat trickling down his face. His face scrunched up due to the agonizing pain. He huffs as he takes another step.

 

“Louis, just a few more steps, okay. I’m right back here, I’ll catch you if you fall.”

 

“Ann fuck, I can’t.” he takes another step. His legs wobbling from exertion.

 

“You are wearing a harness Lou. Hold onto the bars, it’ll support your weight a bit and will keep you stable. Follow the line on the floor. You already made four steps Louis, just a few more and we’ll take a break.”

 

“Fuck!” He feels hands on his hips, holding him steady. He wants to scream. Every step he takes is sending bolts of pain from his foot up to his groin. He grunts while making another step.

 

“Good job, Louis. I’ll guide you while you walk okay. Just a few more, and then we’ll take ten.”

 

He makes it till the end of the platform, panting as he took his final step. He takes the clips off from his harness, stumbles forward to his therapist’s waiting arms. He grits his teeth, his eyes averting from of her amber eyes. She took her time with him, saying encouragements as she lifts him by the waist and gently places him to his wheelchair, his prison. He feels his dignity slowly being stripped away. He just wants to go back home and lay on his bed all day. He wants to leave this place and never come back.

 

“I don’t want to do anymore exercises Ann. Can I just go home?”

 

“There is forty five minutes more in our session Louis. The next one will not require you to walk or stand, you can actually do it while sitting down.” giving him a comforting smile while she straps him on his wheelchair.

 

Shit. So it has been forty five minutes? He’s been here for more than an hour, trying to walk in that god forsaken six foot platform. Fucking pathetic.

 

“I’m tired Ann. Can I just go home now?” exasperation evident in his voice.

 

“Louis, Dr. Atkinson said we have to do two hour sessions, three times a week. You just started this type of exercise. We need to get your lower body mobility back by at least thirty percent in the next two weeks. I know, you feel you can’t do it, but you need to do exercises so that you can go back out  to the field soon.”

 

“What in I don’t want to do it anymore that you don’t understand?” he yells.

She doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t even look away, her firm gaze looking straight at him. She lifts one eyebrow and says, “There is still forty two minutes left in our session. For your original question, no Louis, you will not be going home until we are finished with the exercises. I will give you another five and we’ll resume, okay?” He glares at her as she walks to the side of the room getting a resistance band and two five pound dumbbells.

 

He rolls his wheelchair to where he dropped his backpack, unzipped the front pocket and retrieved his phone. There is only one person that can get him out of here. He swipes the screen of his mobile, the screen telling him it’s almost half past nine. His fingers scrolls through his messages to find that person.  He whips his head to the right side of the room as he hears voices. He squints his eyes and sees Ann had apparently turned on the telly as she was getting her five minute rest. Of course, who wouldn’t get bored looking at him for more than one hour. Better to get herself amused before coming back to him. Unconsciously, he rolls himself near Ann as he tries to figure out what she was watching.

 

“Yes, Mr. Tomlinson will be having an indefinite leave from the EFL. Louis, his family and his Rovers family remain optimistic and believes he will recovery and return from the league as soon as he can. We ask that the fans and the entire Football community to pray for Louis as he begins his recovery process.”

 

Ann is watching a video of his boyfriend, who is also his manager, sat beside Darren Ferguson as they answer questions from the press conference held a few weeks ago. He remembers watching this same video while he was laying on the hospital bed with his mom holding his hands. He feels sick. Disgusted.

 

“Can you tell us what exactly happened to Louis’ leg Mr. Ferguson?” Bruce from the Bristol Posts asks.

 

“Due to patient confidentiality, I am in no position to divulge any information about Louis’ condition, but as Harry said, we are in high spirits and we expect him to be back soon.”

 

He sees Harry scan the room and says “Yes Clara?”

 

“Harry, there are have been several sightings of Louis going to pubs at night. Is it true he was dragged out of Beaufort at three in the morning pissed out of his wits?” She quipped. One of her eyebrows raised, probably insinuating he doesn’t deserve to have a few drinks, like he acted like an imbecile. He looks at Harry’s face. His eyes are bloodshot, heavy black creases underneath it. There are stubble on the top of his lips and chin, like he didn’t get to shave before doing the interview. His hair sleekly combed away from his face, revealing his taut jaws. He pursed his lips, as if he is trying to contain his emotions. He sees his shoulders raise a bit as he breathe long and hard, his chest raising before he answered the question.

 

“No comment. If that is all,  thank you for your time everyone.”

 

“Hey, do you want to start again?” making him turn his head to the side. He didn’t even noticed Ann had already walked to where he was, bringing the resistance band and dumbbells.

 

He sighs. “Sure, I just want to make a quick phone call.” He taps the screen and calls, “Niall, where are you?”

 

He got word that Steve will be having a gig at XOYO that night. He pinched the bridge of his nose and clenched his eyes shut. “Yeah mate, can you pick me up at the flat at two later?..Uhm, no it’s just gonna be us. I might call Dan, but I doubt he’ll come with us. We’ve.. I mean they’ve got a game the next day.  He might still be in practice. Okay, will text you the deets Ni.” He then hears a click and placed his phone back in his backpack. He turned the wheels of his chair, looks at Ann then sighs.

 

“All right, let’s just get this done and over with.”

 

February 14, 2015

6:22 pm

Cadogan Court, Draycott Avenue, London

 

All he hears are the constant tapping of his feet on the floor. He hasn’t slept much since last night. The last he heard from Louis was he was going for his rehab session with Ann and will be back in a couple of hours. He was in the office the whole day, was answering persistent phone calls from the fucking tabloids, replying No comment and Yes, he is coming back soon. He even spoke to Jay and said that they made plans for valentines and won’t be able to go to Doncaster. By the afternoon, Mr. Ferguson requested for a meeting that went late into the evening, making him go back to the flat tired and hungry. He opened the door to their apartment and was greeted by silence. The whole room dark and with no trace of anybody being in it for hours. At half past eight o’clock last night, he gets a text from Niall and said “Bro, Louis is with me. I’m sorry, but I just can’t let him go out alone. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him.” This was ten hours ago. Louis hasn’t called or texted him since.

 

He opens his laptop and browses his twitter, looking if there are any mentions of him and Louis. The first thing he sees is the twitter moments. He hears himself gasp. There he sees Louis’ picture, his hands clutching the camera of a man, probably a pap following him and Niall when they got out of the club. He looks at Louis’ face. His blue eyes are narrowed, staring hard at the man in front of him, his mouth formed into a snarl, the vein on the left side of his forehead more prominent than usual, his hair disheveled and wild, the knuckles of his right hand turning white with how tightly he held the camera. Right beside him is Niall, his right hand gripping his shirt the other hand on his waist like he is trying to pull Louis away from the man. He reads the headlines and it says “Louis Tomlinson caught into a brawl outside XOYO with a paparazzo.” He hears more tapping. Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap. Fuck. He opens another window, types in Daily Mail. There in the front of the page is another article of Louis, this time the camera he was holding is on the pavement smashed into pieces, his new crutches laying beside it. The pap is on the ground as Louis is being dragged by Niall and Bressie away from the scene.  He opens another window types in The Sun, another article pops out with a photo of Louis, it’s the same photograph he saw from Twitter. What the fuck happened? He grabs his phone and dials Louis’ number. It keeps on ringing until it went straight to his voice mail. He leaves a message then dials again. The same thing happened and he forgoes with the voice message and dials Niall’s number instead. It rings several times until he hears a gravely voice on the other end.

 

“ ‘Lo.”

 

“Niall, is Louis with you?”

 

“This is not Niall. Who is this?”

 

He doesn’t have time for this. “Look, you’re the one answering my friend’s phone. Don’t fucking ask me who I am when I don’t even know who you are. I asked you a question mate, where is Niall?”

 

“Sir, this is police officer Parker. Your friend and his friend are detained in our station. I’d appreciate it if you quit with this sassy attitude so early in the morning, MATE.”

 

His mind is racing. Why hasn’t Louis called him? Have they called a lawyer? They better not be saying anything without their lawyers. He mentally checks if he’s got Bryan’s number saved in his phone. He’s got to call him at this moment. Now. Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap.

 

“Officer,  where is your station?”

 

***

 

“Good Morning ma’m. My name is Bryan Bloomfield and with me is Mr. Harry Styles. I’m the lawyer of Mr. Louis Tomlinson. I believe you have custody of our client.”

 

The woman sitting on the front desk of the police station has long auburn hair, her bangs neatly swept on the side with a few hair pins keeping it in place. She seemed to be in her forties, may be a bit younger than that. Thick black rimmed glasses frames her face that hangs loosely on her slender nose. She regards them carefully with her bored dark mahogany eyes. Her pursed tainted lips and a raised eyebrow gave away how she is not intimidated by anybody. Here, right in front of them is the first person anyone sees once they’ve set foot inside this establishment. It may have been some oblivious drunks or druggies or even entitled jerks asking to speak to whomever they have detained inside their station. Nope, this woman is not having any sass from anybody. He notices the name tag pinned on her patterned blouse on the left side of her chest that says the name Gloria. Harry gives her a curt smile in which she did not return back.

 

“Gloria.” he extended his hand to her which she passively looked at before taking it. “ I’m Harry, Mr. Tomlinson’s manager. Is it possible for us to speak with Mr. Tomlinson?”

 

“Nice to meet you gents. But there’s already somebody inside with your boy.”

 

“He should not be allowed to talk with anybody without his lawyer.” Bryan interjects.

 

“Well the person inside there, IS a lawyer.” she says as she cocks her head to the side, raising her eyebrow, even higher if that is even possible.

 

“I am his lawyer ma’m. You should’ve checked proper identifications first before allowing just anybody in their with our client.” Bryan says with a raised tone.

Harry suddenly holds Bryan’s arm and attempts to stop him from further talking. “Gloria, Bryan, just..” he brushes his friend aside and goes in front of the desk. He tries to calm himself before speaking. “Who is in there with him?”

 

Gloria looks into the clipboard in front of her and points to the name in list. “The list says Grant Forrester. He says he represent both Mr. Niall Horan and Mr. Louis Tomlinson.”

 

Harry sighs and looks behind him and sees Bryan with furrowed brows. This doesn’t make sense, why call Niall’s lawyer and not him or Bryan? They both decide to ask if they could wait until the meeting ends so they could speak to Louis. She points them to the waiting area and says she will inform them once she gets a word if they’re done. The two men found themselves sat at a long chair together with a half asleep man reeking of alcohol. Bryan moves closer to him as he folds his other leg on top of the other and places his leather messenger bag on his lap.

 

“Did he not call you when he was arrested? They give them one phone call before they put anybody in temporary custody.”

 

“Bry, he never called me. He never...He usually calls if something happens. I don’t know, I’m also at a loss here.”

 

“Well we’re here now. And I’m sure glad Niall had the wits to call Grant. I’m just surprised you were not informed too by Louis or Niall.”

 

Surprised is not the exact emotion Harry is feeling right now. Confusion. Disappointment. Frustration. He kept his mouth shut, let’s Bryan talk while his mind is surging. He keeps hearing the words charges, settle and court. Nothing is registering in his brain, all he thinks about is Why did Louis not call him? There are many scenarios in his head right now, but all of them goes back to the photos he saw a while ago. What have you got yourself into Lou?

 

There is a constant tapping on the window at the back of their heads. Gloria has her manicured fingers tapping the window and motions for them to go back inside.

 

“Alright, so I told Officer Parker that you are here for Mr. Tomlinson and would like to speak to him. He says Mr. Horan and his lawyer would like to stay while you two talk with him and he is giving you one hour until the officer will request for your final statements. They are all waiting in room number 3. Please fill in these forms first then you can proceed inside”

 

“Thank you, Gloria.” Harry replies.

 

Both him and Bryan hurriedly fills in the form, signed their names and goes to the designated room. The blinds from the window of the room where Louis, Niall and Grant were seated at were half closed. He could see Louis sitting on right corner of the table, the farthest chair from the door. His body is slumped, arms crossed in front of his chest. He couldn’t see his face, partly because he had his head sagged down, his chin almost touching his chest. He looks like a dejected teenager about to be told he failed all his courses and will be not be graduating with his class. Niall and Grant clearly more awake and is sitting up with their arms resting on top of the table. It was Bryan who first came in and he saw all heads turn to their direction except Louis.

 

“Grant, Niall, Louis.” Bryan says as he claps the back of Grant’s shoulder before sitting right next to him. Harry on the other hand stood in silence as he scans Niall’s face for any indication of how bad things are. He sees his friend give him a half smile, eyes sad. He averts his eyes for a moment at Louis’ direction and sees he’s still had his head down. He steadies himself before going to the only chair available in the room. He sits between Niall and Louis.

 

“Harry.” Grant starts. “We’ve talked to the pap and said he will not be pressing charges just as long Louis agrees on paying for the camera. We are just waiting for their lawyer to give us the specifics about the camera and the amount of which we have to pay him for it.”

 

“Why were we not called about this?” Bryan had his pen and legal sized white bond paper in front of him. “Were you guys questioned before Grant came in?

 

“No, I made sure they did not give any statements just before I got here. ‘Was here since four in the morning, mate. Got a call from Bressie and said Niall and Louis got arrested. He left just an hour ago when he was sure everything is alright.”

 

Harry’s head is swimming. So that was almost three hours now. His confusion clouds the anger that is slowly seeping into his brain. He angled his body towards his right, his hand subconsciously reaching out to Louis’ arm. He flinches away from him making him sigh. He drops his hand to his lap and waits. He feels his lips quiver. He bit his lips hard until he recognizes a metallic taste in his mouth. He needs to know, he can’t help himself now that he has Louis in front of him. He asks. “Are you okay?”

 

Dead Silence. Not even a look. All he could hear was his heart thumping, his breathing shallow, like he is waiting for something to erupt. His voice lowered, almost to a whisper. “Lou, what’s going on?”

 

Niall places his hand on his shoulder “Mate, we’ve settled already. I’ve talked with the pap personally, it was all a misunderstanding. He’s not pressing charges.” he said in a hushed tone.

 

Harry hears shuffling of papers in front of him making him turn his head away from Louis. Bryan had several sheets of legal sized documents in front of him, one of it he’s holding up in front of Louis. “ Alright Lou, we can start by making a draft of your statement. I have a general outline and you just have to tell me your version of the incident. So, let us start with..”

 

“I already did my statement, Bryan.”

 

“Not with me you don’t.”

 

“Can we just go now?” He huffs as he grabs the end of the table to stand up. The table shakes, all of them grabbing a hold of it. Louis tries to kick his chair to the side but fails. He instead stumbles and had to take hold of the wall, banging it with his palm. “Shit, fuck! The guy already settled Bryan. What the hell else is there to do? Nothing! Just get me the fuck out from here!”

 

“Lou, let me just..”

 

“Get me my crutches Harold.”

 

“Mate, let us help you.”

 

“Just get me my damn crutches. I don’t fucking need your help!”

 

All of them who stood from their chairs to get to Louis backed away from him, leaving Harry staring at his boyfriend with a look of disbelief in his face. He didn’t dare look on his friends faces. He just can’t. He staggers backward, his breathing quick, his mind swirling. He hears himself sniffle as he gets Louis’ crutches from the far end of the room. His hand shakes as he grasps the handle of the crutches, fighting the tears that has sprung from his eyes not to drop. _Lou please, tell me what’s wrong?_ He brings it to Louis which he yanks off from his hands.

 

“Let’s go.” he says with gritted teeth. He sees Louis prop himself up, his face wincing for a moment before he walks slowly towards the door. He snaps his head at Harry and says, “What, are you just gonna stand there or are you coming?”

 

“I..” He scans the room fast, tries to grab as much of their things before running behind Louis. His eyes never lifting to see the faces of the men with them in the room. They can’t know. He is all Louis has got.

 

Harry runs to Gloria, deliberately passing Louis’ unsteady small steps. He asks her profusely of what documents he need to signs, whatever paperwork Louis or him needs their signature on to have him released. She gives him three sets of fastened papers and had Louis sign them as he reaches her table. He slides one of the chairs from the table next to Gloria’s but Louis quickly quipped, “I don’t need to sit just to sign these papers, Harry. Can you just hurry on and get the fucking car.”

 

He dares a glimpse at the woman behind the table. The look she gave him earlier was replaced with pity. No, please don’t give me that look. Louis shouldn’t see that look. He moves quickly, not waiting for an acknowledgement from Gloria or Niall or Grant or Bryan. His feet bringing him in front of the black Range Rover. He sees his reflection from the tinted windows.There under the morning sun,  he sees himself for the first time. His eyes are bloodshot. The fullness of his lips more pronounced, swollen from being bitten too hard. His cheeks are flushed and he feels his chin trembling. He fights the sobs creeping out from his mouth, his hand slapping so fast to his lips, he knows it’ll leave a bruise later. He takes the keys from his pockets and opens the door. He has to control his breathing. In and out Harry, in and out. Everything is fine. They are fine. He turns the ignition and drives right in front of the police station. At the top of the steps, he sees Niall, Grant and Bryan talking to a police officer. In front of them is Louis, one leg bent and is leaning to the hand rails, his foot raised a few inches from the ground. The other foot firmly placed at the bottom of the steps, his crutches keeping him steady. When he rounds the car, the passenger door facing the group, he hurriedly steps out and goes to the other side. He walks briskly to open the door and held his hand out to help Louis when he clipped “I can do it on me own, okay.”

 

He swallows hard, his throat feeling tight. Unable to speak, he casts a short glance towards his friends and sees Niall raising his hand with a thumbs up. He gives a tight lipped smile then nods. His hand gently pushes the door close as soon as Louis climbs the SUV and has sat inside. As he was about to go to his side of the car, he hears somebody clearing his throat from his back. He sees the man his friends were speaking to just a few minutes ago.

 

“Harry, I’m Officer Parker. We spoke on the phone briefly.” offering his hand for a hand shake.

 

“Yes sir. Uhm..thank you for your help.”

 

“I did most that I could do despite the circumstances. Louis was being charged for assault and felony to damages of property. The pap knew who he was and he was ready to have the incident sensationalized. Mr. Horan and Mr. Breslin were the ones who talked to him to drop the charges. The level of access the people has now of the photos of what has transpired outside the club I have no control of. It’s all in the hands of your team and management. His lawyer Mr. Bloomfield and his publicist together with Mr. Horan’s are more than welcome to look into the statements, each of the parties involved have written before we issue them to the reporters. They are famous footballers and I believe there will be a clamor of information of what happened between them. I’ll give you my card if you have any questions, Harry.”

 

He slips the card in his pocket and gives the man a hug. “Thank you. Thank you so much for your help.”

 

“You’re welcome, Harry. Take care.” and knocks on the passenger doors twice and waves. Officer Parker turns on his back at him then walked back up the stairs and gives the rest of the group a hand shake. He wipes the lone tear that escaped his right eye and rushed to his side of the vehicle, opening the door and climbing up car. He hears Louis snort.

 

“Getting a bit cozy with the fit Officer, aren’t we Harold?”

 

“Louis, please don’t.”

 

“Can’t wait to get rid of me, am I right Harold?”

 

“Lou just stop it. Please.”

 

“Fuck you! I’ll say when I’ll stop, when we stop.”

 

The road ahead is cloudy, his eyes filled to the brim with tears. He is sobbing now. Fat tears streaming down his face, snot dripping down his nose. He can’t believe what he is hearing from Louis.

 

“Lou, please stop this.”

 

“Let me out.”

 

“Lou, we’ll be home in a few minutes. I beg you, please. Just a few more minutes and we’re home.”

 

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

 

He can’t breathe. His neck and chest soaked with his tears. I beg you. Please Louis. Just a couple more blocks. He is driving blindly now, his instincts kicking in with familiarity. He parks the SUV to their driveway, his heart thumping wildly, his shaking hands gripping the steering wheel. He hears Louis opening his door and stepping out from the car and slams the door shut. His buries his head to his trembling hands. _What the fuck happened to us, Lou?_

 

***

 

He had to do it. He wanted an out for Harry. He never signed up for this. He’s too good for him. He just had to. He deserves so much better. He had to make a decision.

 

It took Harry twenty minutes before he sets foot inside their apartment. He hears the knob turning and keys being placed on the table in the foyer. He had to be strong. Do it for him, Tomlinson. He puts his mask on, face taut and neutral. On came the shield, all walls held in place, no sunlight will dare pass through it. He held his arms to his side, his hands clenched. All the muscles in his body felt tensed, his true emotions shrinking until all that could be seen is hate. Hatred more on himself than to the person he loved the most.  Louis’ kept his eyes steady, his eyes cold as ice. He stood still by the wall beside their fireplace as the familiar figure come closer.

 

“Took you long enough.”

 

Harry passes him, walks straight to the kitchen. He follows his movements with his eyes, he held his ground not moving. He hears him sniffle. Do it for him. He waits for a few more minutes until he decided to go to him. He braces himself. It’s now or never.

 

When he reached the kitchen, he sees Harry standing by the sink, his face facing the window. He is still as beautiful as the day he’s met him. His face is crumpled, there are still tear tracks on his cheeks, his eyes wet from unshed tears. He hears another sniffle before hearing him speak.

 

“Louis if there is something I’ve done, you would tell me right? Cause I am totally confused here.”  
He turns his face to him, his face showing confusion and sadness. He shook his head. “What you said a while ago, it’s not what you really mean right? Please Lou, let me understand what is going on.”

 

He swallows to clear his throat. Do it. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

 

“What don’t you want to do anymore?”

 

“This. This is not working.”

 

“Why? Was I stressing you? Is it because I was telling you to start being serious with your therapy?” He shook his hands rapidly. “Is it because I was asking you to stop going out, drinking ‘til you are almost passed out and had to call Antonio to pick you up?” then brushes his eyes with the back of his hands. “Tell me, cause I’ll stop Lou. I’ll do whatever you want.”

 

“You don’t have to do this anymore Harry. You can’t take care of me...can’t be the one taking care of us.”

 

Harry has his hand to his chest, his fists pounding his chest. He takes a few steps closer to Louis. “What do you mean? You ending this for what?”

 

“I don’t want you here anymore. I don’t want your pity Harry. I know you’re only here because you feel sorry for me.”

 

“You..you think.” he turns around from him and he sees his fist bang the table making a loud sound. He feels himself tremble, his lips quivering. _Go on, that’s right Harry. Hate me._ “You don’t know why I’m still here?”

 

“Harry, I’m making it easy for you.” He quirks his eyebrows and crosses his arms over his chest. “You don’t think I see you? I know you’ve been seeing Carl. You think I didn’t see the photos?”

 

“What are you talking about? Carl Forster? It was a business meeting Louis.”

 

“H, I don’t mind really. I know Carl is fit. The times he’s been making passes at you before doesn’t come unnoticed.”

 

“So what, you’re giving me away!” he looks at Louis with pained eyes. “It’s a fucking meeting Lou! He wanted me to represent him. He just fired his manager.”

 

“Isn’t that convenient. You obviously said yes of course.”

 

“Does it matter if I said no?”

 

He needs to sit. His head is pounding, both his legs shaking. He thought the room was swaying causing him to grab hold of the nearest chair. He sits down fast, the chair making a creaking sound. Protect him Louis. He casts him a hard look and purses his lips. “Now that is just foolish, don’t you think Harry? You let that opportunity go because what, you want to take care of me? I don’t want you being miserable and jobless just so you could be with me.”

 

Harry balled his fists and sat on the chair right in front of him. His voice raising, his eyes squinting. “Don’t you dare say you know what I feel..what I want to do with my life.” he points a finger at him “When you don’t even tell me what is happening with you half of the time.”

He keeps his face frozen, holding Harry’s stare. His voice low, almost a whisper. “You think I don’t see it in your eyes Harry?” He clicks his tongue, a small smile lifting the corners of his lips. “It’s funny how my accident will show you other people’s prerogative of you. That pap, you know why I smashed his camera?”

 

Louis tries to keep his composure. His heart breaks into tiny pieces as his vision blurred with tears. “He said, what can you say about your boyfriend being seen smooching with another bloke when you’re stuck being a cripple at home?” He snorts saying this. “Cripple. Yeah, well, I am a cripple Harry. A cripple who is holding you back from your life.”

 

Harry sobs, his hands cradling his face. He continues. “This is not the life you want Harry. I may never come back from this. I may never be..I am not the man for you. You think you want this now, but once all the money, all the endorsements are gone, we’ll be miserable and broke. I don’t even have the fucking energy to fuck you. And this cripple...” He points a finger to his chest. “ is all broken inside and out Harry. You can’t fix what’s going on in my head.” his thoughts are in a repeating loop of certainty. He had to say this. He had to make Harry understand he can never be the same man he fell in love with. Leave Harry. _Please, leave._

 

“You don’t know what I want Louis.” he rasped at him. Hot tears sliding down his cheeks. His chest raising higher, his breathing staggered. “You think I need these?” he waves his hands to the room. “This?” he rambles, raising left  his hand, showing him the titanium limited edition piguet watch. ”Or this?” he growls as he stood up and grabs a hold of his crotch. The motion surprised him, making him gasp. “You think these are the only things I need from you?”

 

He stays motionless. He had said his piece. He lets the moment engulf him. One more and this is it. My love, please hate me. He sneered at Harry. “Baby, get your hands off my dick if you’re not gonna kneel down and suck it real good for me.”

 

“Fuck you, Louis!” Harry recoils his hand from his crotch like he’s been burned. He turned his back from him and stormed off. The wall shaking with how much force Harry slammed their bedroom door.

 

He curls to himself, he gulps down a sob escaping his lips. He wanted to desperately call out to Harry, tell him he doesn’t mean it. Beg him, plead that he knows what he wants. That he is enough. That there is still love here. But this is the right thing to do. He has to start over without him. Even when he is dying. He swallows hard. There is a bitter taste rising into his mouth. He feels like choking. His eyes gone wide becoming glossy with tears. He bites his cracked lips. It’s not enough, even if he feels blood trickling from his bitten lips. He has to feel pain. He pounds his fists to his broken leg. Fuck, come on Tomlinson. Feel it. He is dying. He is certain of this. He will never be whole again.


	10. Chapter 10

August 30, 2016

7:45 pm

Bewick Court, Wolverhampton

 

The bright rays of light coming from the open windows made him squint his eyes. He clicks his tongue. Damn Liam, you forgot to close the curtains again. He curls further on himself, his cheek nuzzling the pillow. His feet shuffles to flip the blanket off of him. Wait. Zayn didn’t give him a blanket last night. He remembers him apologizing cause they haven’t done laundry yet for days and he just have to settle for the towels they put out for him. He slowly opened his eyes and surveys the room. He found the towels still neatly fold on one of the arms of the couch. With an exasperated breath, he groans and rolls over, lazily shifts his gaze on the top of his head and was temporarily blinded with flashing colorful spots. Uhg, too bright! His hand tries to shield his eyes acting as a visor of some sort. He saw the curtains are bundled up to the sides, the floor to ceiling windows wide open allowing the beams of light from the sun into the room, illuminating it. On top of the table is a water bottle and two pills of acetaminophen. Clearly someone knows he’ll wake up with a fucking headache. He tries to listen for movements. Everything is quiet, the stillness telling him he’s the only one up at this hour. His mind starts to wonder what the time is. He moves his hands sporadically to any surface his hands could reach and starts looking for his phone. He pats the side of his pillow, the creases of the couch beside his body. Nothing. He drops his right hand to floor, frantic movements from side to side, his arm even extending to reach the bottom of the couch. Still nothing. He looks on to the table and sees at the far end of it is his phone, connected to a charger which is plugged to the extension cord attached to the wall. He slowly tries to lift his head, the throbbing of his head stronger than when he woke up. He shouldn’t have taken that last shot of absinthe from Niall. He remembers the fake blonde haired leprechaun saying “You’re going to be fine, Lou. This shot will you let you forget about the curly haired bloke you’ve been pining about for months. Not that we don’t know who the-boy-who-can’t-be-named name is, duh?” Yup, a complete miscalculation of how hammered he already was when he agreed to take the shot. Damn it.

 

“Z? Leeyum?” He croaks. There is a burning sensation in his throat, like he was close to being dehydrated. He presses his thumb to his throat and swallows. He needs water. He puts his eye up to the water bottle and licks his cracked lips. His reaches for it and chugs almost half of the content before popping two pills of acetaminophen at a time.  He massages his temples, tries to relieve his nagging headache. All the muscles of his limbs feels achy and weak. He attempts to stand and felt his knees shake. He takes a hold of an arm chair while he stagger walking around.

 

“Li, Z you guys up yet?” he clears his throat. His legs wobbly as he tries to get to his phone. The screen says the time is ten past eight in the morning and has a ninety two percent charged battery. The need to call his mom comes to mind immediately, he has to remind himself to thank the boys for hooking his phone up. God knows how much charge he’s got left last night, when he has been taking videos of the boys every single moment he had the chance. He needs to tell his mom he crashed at the Li’s place for the night and will be coming home soon. His right thumb swipes the screen and pushes number two on speed dial.

 

“Lou, baby?”

 

“Mum.”

 

“Hey darling, you didn't come home last night.” he hears shuffling from the other end of the line, like she was still in bed when she took the call. A distinct closing of a door can be heard, as if she went out of the bedroom to get to talk to him without disturbing someone who is still sleeping by her side.

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry mum. It was Li’s birthday and the boys, well..we went out for drinks. I’m sorry I didn’t get to call you.”

 

“It’s okay love. Did you have fun?”

 

“Yeah.” he walks towards the open window and sees a couple walking their dog out.

 

“I’m glad. Are you gonna stay there for a while then? I don’t want you driving with a hangover still.”

 

“No, I’m going in a bit. I’ll just freshen up. Don’t want the girls smelling smoke on me.”

 

“Okay baby. I’ll wait for you. I’ll put on the kettle once I see you in the driveway yeah?”

 

“Okay mum. I’ll be there in a couple of hours.”

 

“Drive safe alright? You don’t need to rush.”

 

“Yeah mum. I love you.”

 

“Love you more, boo. I’ll wait for you okay. Be safe.” he pinches the bridge of his nose. Shit. He didn’t need to worry her with his mundane life. When Zayn texted him last night that they were going to see this new band at The Rescue Room that Niall was raving about for weeks, he didn’t hesitate and texted back, _I’m in. What time, mate?_ He knew it was Liam’s birthday and he’s sure to have free drinks all night long. It’s getting pathetic with how much hours he spent stalking Harry’s social media. He just recently found out that Carl and Harry was indeed dating. Huge thanks to The Sun for that. He knew it. Long before he saw the photos. There have been whispers from the grapevine about Harry being spotted in several restaurants in London with Carl. I’m happy you moved on Harry. His heart clenches as his mind says this. Harry needs to get as far away from him. He is as fragmented and broken as a soldier who went home from war, with lost limbs and a mind scarred with so much fear and uncertainty. His head swims with memories, the once peace and tranquility he had with the love of his life, gone and replaced with half-formed regrets. At this point, all he has to remember was they had a good time. Yeah, they had a good thing going until he had to end it.

 

He wobbles to the bathroom and hurriedly splashes water to his face and neck, takes a piss and grabs the cologne that he hasn’t noticed before ever since he’s been going to Liam’s flat for months. _Huh?_ He spritzes the cologne to his wrists and to his chest then dashes out of the bathroom.

 

Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap.

 

“Li? Zaynie?”

 

Then its silence. _Odd._ He listens again. Nothing. He goes to the first door on the hallway which he’s sure is the boys’ bedroom and knocks at the door.

 

“Mates, I’ve got to go, yeah. Thanks for the kip. ”

 

No answer. The boys might still be asleep. He goes back to the living room, tries to tidy up just a bit. He hastily folds the blanket and arranges the pillows. Right on top of the ottoman, he found his jacket. He shrugs it on and grabs his keys and shouts “I’m going lads. Text you when I get home.” He then goes around the table, grabs his phone, unplugs it and puts it in the back pocket of his trousers. His feet takes him to the foyer where he found his shoes. He puts it on and goes out of the flat, closing the door gently. On his way to the car, he hears his phone buzzing. He ignores it and moves as fast as he could towards his car. His car was parked in a weird angle from the driveway. Jesus christ, he’s sure glad he didn’t get into an accident driving last night. He could barely remember how we was able to navigate from Nottingham to Roverhampton unscathed. He opens the door and pulls his phone from his pockets and throws it to the passenger seat. His phone kept on buzzing. He turns on the ignition and says a silent thank you to whoever put out that water bottle and acetaminophen on the table. Just a couple of hours more of solitude and he’s home. Right..Home.

 

***

 

“Mum?”

 

“Lou, in the kitchen.”

 

Blue on blue. He sees his mother sitting in the kitchen table with a mug in her hand. She gives him a soft smile. Her long brown hair put up in a messy bun, still wearing her night dress. He goes to her and kisses her temples.

 

“Where are the girls?”   

 

“Sleepover with the Smiths. Won’t be back ‘til late afternoon, love.”

 

“Dan?”

 

“He’s with the twins. How were the boys?” she says this as she pours steaming hot water into a mug. He sits on the empty chair beside her and gets a pocket of tea from the table.

 

“They’re alright. Had loads of fun last night. Niall even went up the stage to jam with the band.”

 

“I’m glad you get to go out with the boys. I hate knowing you’re all cooped up in your flat alone all day. By the way, Ann called yesterday, she said you have to see her soon. It’s been weeks since your last session.”

 

“Uhm, yeah. I’ll give her a ring.”

 

“You were doing so good, Lou. She helped you get out from using your crutches.”

 

“I know mum. She..she truly is patient with me. In spite of..” he shakes his head. “I know I can be a lot to handle sometimes, but she helped me a lot. Those sessions were the only ones I was looking forward to everyday. I don’t know what I could’ve done without all of you.”

 

She lifts her hand and caresses his cheekbones. “We love you, Lou. We’re all here for you.” She hugs him from his waist and rest her head to his chest. “This house misses you too. You can come back home, baby. You don’t need to go to and from London everyday.”

 

But that place is my Home, he wants to say to her. “Mum, I’ll think about it yeah?”

 

“You’re always welcome here, boo.”

 

He kisses her on the cheeks. There are faint footsteps coming from the hallway, making him turn his head to that direction. He sees Dan come in. He had Doris on his waist and Ernie walking beside him holding his left hand.

 

“Achoo!” Ernie says as he runs to him and hugs his legs. He lifts him up to his lap and brushes the hair off his brother’s face.

 

“Hey big man. You want some milk?”

 

“Yes please. You smell weird.” as Ernie scrunches his nose.

 

“Ehrm..new cologne.”  He lifts the center of his shirt and takes a sniff. There is something familiar with this smell. He knows this scent. Muscle memory took him to the moment he had a whiff of this cologne on somebody. No. No, it can’t be. It’s just coincidence.

 

“Achoo, let’s watch gumball.”

 

“Huh?” he didn’t notice Doris was already standing in front of him, her hands on her hips as if she had been waiting for his response for several seconds now. “Yeah, alright. Let me get your milk first and then we’ll watch gumball yeah?”

 

“Yay!” the twins chorus then runs to the couch flipping on the the television.

 

Just as he was about to stand up to get the glasses from the cabinet, he hears Dan say. “I’ll do that for you, Louis. Go, before they start fighting over what cartoon to watch next.”

 

“Okay. Thanks Dan.” He looks back to his mother before going in the living room. And then he remembers his phone. Shit, he left it in the car. “I’ll be right back. Left me phone in the car.” He jogs out from the chilly air, forgetting to put back on his coat. There in the passenger seat, he sees his phone and checks on the notifications. Two missed calls and one text message. He readily opens his phone and went straight to the message. The message came from Zayn. He reads it several times to check if he’s got the words right.

 

***Mate, was trying to call you, figured you’re still asleep. Sorry we had to leave real early, had to go to Karen’s. Promised her we’ll have brekkie together. Text us as soon as you’re up. Missed hanging out with you, Lou. Let’s do this again soon. Love you.

 

 

October 21, 2016

6:05 pm

Bewick Court, Wolverhampton

 

Warm breaths wakes him up from his slumber. His eyelids flicker open to the unlit room. He closes it again, tries to relish to the warm body against his. He’s back. My home. He's found it again. The soft snores coming from the disheveled caramel colored haired man he has in his arms made him smile like an idiot. He ran his fingers through his hair, raking his nails gently on his scalp. Louis hums and further nuzzles into the junction of his neck and shoulders. He wouldn’t dare move, he mustn't disturb Louis’ peaceful sleep. Suddenly, his body jerks, his left leg raises a fraction, his knee hitting Harry’s right shin. Ow! The shoulder where Louis’ head lay flinches, making his head bounce a bit. Louis groans, clearly awoken by the abrupt movement. Slowly he blinks awake from his stupor, his eyelashes flutters as he lifts his eyes to his face. There’s a split second of distress in Louis’ face. Like he’s debating internally if he should get out from Harry’s hold or stay there and keep their tangled limbs as it is. He closes his eyes, he feels his shoulders raise, taking in air from his nostrils. He took his time before opening his eyes to look back at him once more. His eyelids flicker before opening them fully. Wow. Blue on green. He’s gobsmacked.

 

“Hi.”

 

“Hi. Go back to sleep. It’s still early.”  

 

“Have you been awake long?” he tries to cover his mouth with his hand as his head leans away his face. "You're such an idiot." He pulls Louis’ hand down and presses a kiss on his knuckles. His hand moves to his neck cupping his cheek and leans in to peck his lips. He tries to squirm away but he just held him tighter. "Lou, you know I don’t care."

 

“Not long.” and twines their finger together.

 

“Okay. Are you..” he stopped himself to think. The crease between his eyebrows deepening, his eyes blinking several times before he continues “Are you okay with this. I mean, I know you are seeing Carl now. I just don’t want..”

 

“I’m not seeing Carl. What gave you that idea?”

 

“I saw some photos, Harry. There are articles from The Sun and OK! I mean, I wouldn’t.. Clearly this is a one time thing.” his face completely falls, his eyes casted downward, not looking at him. He audibly gulps and says “I can’t..”

 

“Do you want this to be a one time thing, Lou?”

 

His body slowly turns, his face facing upward. Louis’ eyes are fixed to the ceiling, his mouth opens and closes, as if thinking of the right words to say. He blinks, then turned his face back to him. He sighs. “It’s not what I want H. It’s..whatever you can give me. I’ll take it. Whatever it takes to make you forgive me.” Lou kept his eyes on him, looking at his face for signs. His eyes steady, hopeful. But just briefly, the wall of sorrow now slowly building. “I want to know if you’ll ever forgive me for breaking us.”

 

“There was never a question of what I want Louis. After the accident, I..” He sits up, his back on the head board. “I thought I’d lose you.” His knees fold to his chest, his arms hugging his legs. He rests his chin to his knees as he speaks. “You doubted me, Louis. You doubted us. That is the most painful thing you’ve done.” His tears start falling from his eyes. He brushed it off  with the back of his hands. “I knew that you were in pain, but I was in pain too. If you thought your career was over then, I had to watch my world end the day you left me behind.”

 

Louis sat beside him, their bare shoulders touching. A few moments pass, the only sound that can be heard are their breathing. He found himself looking at Louis who is already staring back at him with sad eyes.  

 

“I couldn’t let you see me that way, Harry. I had to fix myself first, had to accept that I will never be the same. My therapist helped me a lot, H. I know, I should’ve reached out to you long ago, but I saw you moving on. And I was still...I can’t give you what you need.  We had dreams, and I can’t give it to you anymore.”

 

“Have you ever thought that we could build new dreams together? I will go with you wherever, whenever.”

 

“I don’t want that Harry. You can’t be stuck with me when you are also risking your career, your job.  You are an amazing person, a great manager and publicist. I don’t want to hold you back.”

 

“So what is this then? Just one night of weakness.” there is a slight frustration in his voice. He can’t imagine this to be the last time he’ll ever hold Louis again. His lips start to tremble. Lou, please. He feels a hand to his knees, fingers that start to caress his knuckles. The touch lingers until the hand tries to pry it away from his legs, holding it, entwining their fingers. He looks at their hands, lingering on the feeling of belonging where he was supposed to be.

 

“I’ll take whatever you’ll give me, love.”

 

“What if I still want to give you my heart, will you take it?”

 

His breath hitches, like he doesn’t believe he’s heard the words right. Take it Louis. It’s always been yours. And then he sees it. The wall of uncertainty is tumbling down. The spark he’s seen before is inching its way back to those perfect blue orbs. He felt drawn to them, like he could crash and be swept away to the depths of the abyss and not feel the need to go back. Louis angled his body to him, his lips finding its way to his shoulder. He kisses it just so lightly before his hand moves to the back of his neck. They are face to face now, their foreheads pressed together.  

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“Yes, I’ll have it Harry.”

 

He then pecks his lips. No, not enough. He darts his tongue forward gently, tries to prod his mouth open. Louis sighed, opening his mouth a bit more to make the kiss deeper. He grabs hold of his waist and lifts him to his lap. His legs straddle his hips, his arm wound around his back, his hand cradling his neck. The other hand wanders to the dip of his back until it reaches his plump backside. He squeezes them, making Louis moan to the sensation. The sound going straight to his groin.

 

“I want you.” he starts grinding up to Louis. The man on top of him grounding onto him, his hips rotating with each motion. Their movement erratic, like they can’t keep themselves from feeling how hard they make each other. Their kisses deepens more, sharing each others breath, their hands holding each other impossibly closer. His eyes start to roll when he feels Louis hardness brush on to his own.

 

“I love you.”

 

He snaps his head away from the kiss. The look on his face full of disbelief. He feels his body shake, a lone tear starts rolling down his face. Louis’ finger catches it before it slides down his neck. “I love you, Harry.” He thought he’ll never hear it again. He kisses him again, sweet and gentle. He wanted to say it back, but all he could think of is “Don’t leave me. Don’t ever.” He nods, and folds him to his arms and whispers. “We’ll make us whole again.”

 

***

 

January 29, 2017

2:30 am

Cadogan Court, London

 

The constant ringing woke him up. He checks on the time his phone. _Shit._ He abruptly stands up, his hand swiping the phone open. Harry stirs, he raises his head from his pillow and turns to him.

 

“Lou?”

 

“Go back to sleep, love. I’ll take this outside.” His chest is beating loudly. It’s from an unknown number. He doesn’t usually get calls so early in the morning, especially from people he doesn’t know. He opens the bedroom door and gently closes it. His feet bringing him to the kitchen.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Lou.”

 

“Who’s this?” there are footsteps coming from the hallway. He saw Harry emerging from the darkness clad only in his boxers.

 

“It’s Z, Lou.”

 

“Zayn? Where are you?” he looked at Harry mouthing Zayn. He padded his way to Louis’ side, hooking his chin to his shoulders. His arms enveloping his waist.

 

“I’m in Heathrow. I’m sorry, did I wake you? I just had to talk with somebody before I see Liam.”

 

“We could come get you. Stay where you are.”

 

“We?”

 

“Uhm..we. Us.  Me and Harry.” he scrunches his nose. Harry nuzzles to the crook of his neck and hums. He can’t get over this. That they are a WE again. An US.

 

“I’m happy for you lads. Yeah, okay. If it’s okay though, I mean, I’m not interrupting anything right?”

 

He can feel himself smiling. “No you idiot. We’ll be there in a few minutes, yeah?”

 

“Okay. Thanks Lou.”  

 

***

 

“I just can’t risk it, Lou. What I was asked to do was dangerous enough. I don’t want Li getting involved in this.”

 

“You should’ve told him, Zayn. He is your partner for christ’s sake.”

 

“If I’d told him, he would’ve come with me. I was certain he’ll do that.”

 

“But, why take all your stuff with you then? It was like you were never coming back.”

 

“I had to make it seem I was living alone, Harry. They were doing background checks on everybody. When they asked me if I am still living with Liam, I told them no. That we had broken up. My mom had to go with it. Because they were already listed in the witness protection program. I can’t have Li get threatened or used to not make me do my job.” his face falls from terror to controlled appearance of concern. At this moment, he notices his friend’s tired and sullen face. He moves closer and puts a hand to his arm.

 

“The man me and Winston had to the autobiography with” he licks his lips and continues “was a spy working for the KGB and INTERPOL.  He was able to gain access to New York with a fake passport six years ago. They apprehended him while he was on a train going to Virginia to do another mission for the KGB.”

 

“Ben was there before they had to call me in. He was working on this for two years with an American journalist. But there were some documents, which are actually just scribbles on one of his journals that were written in arabic, some as old as Aramaic. They couldn't find anybody with the expertise that they needed. The man doesn’t have any Middle Eastern blood in him or had any record of him setting foot in that region of the world. They got me in because of my descent and my knowledge on Nabataean language. The man is working in all possible sides of the spectrum and would be a dangerous weapon if not captured.”

 

“But are you safe now?”

 

“Yes, they had to keep me in a secured location the whole time I was decoding the documents. My family doesn’t even know where I was the whole four months I was there. I need to see Liam. You can’t imagine how hard it was for me, for us. But I need tell you guys first where I was coming from. I need to know you understand.” He scratches the back of his neck before looking at them. “Will you guys help me? I know I’ve fucked this up immensely. I don’t know if Li would even talk with me.” Zayn twines his fingers to the back of his neck then faces up. “Does he even would want me back, Lou?”

 

“Jesus Z, of course. We’re here for you. And also..” Louis nudges his shoulders, “He’s been waiting for you, mate. Even after all these bullshit stunt you pulled, your boy waits for you every goddamn day.”

 

“Shit, I really do need to apologize to him. I love him mate.” he nervously laughs. His troubled face morphing into a pure joy of realization. “The four months that we’re apart, I’ve never longed for anybody that much. He’s it for me.” then bastard blushes.

 

“Aaww, Z.” Harry pecks his cheeks and pinches them. “I knew it all along that you’ll come back. Look at my Lou, he came back. And here we are now. As happy as we could ever be.”

 

“I’m genuinely happy for you guys. I just hope..”

 

“Sssshhhhh, no. Don’t think that way. I’ll go make breakfast and then we’ll go to Li’s, babe. We have to eat first because we don’t want you passing out when you get to see your boy again.” Harry kisses Zayn on the head and sprints off to the kitchen.

  
He swung his arm around friend’s sagging shoulders. His forlorn face giving away how anxious he is. He was bleary eyed, the color of his eyes getting deeper to an umber hue. There are dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn’t had a good sleep for a long time. He squeezes his shoulder and says, “It’s going to be okay, love. Everything will be alright. I promise.”  


	11. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the end!!!..happy ending i promise!

May 16, 2017

3:20 pm

Fletcher Moss Botanical Garden, England

 

Under the gentle rays of the sun, he could see the nascent blooms of the tulip trees, soft and green, a blazing mix of red and yellows flowers painting the landscape. Blades of green grass scattered about on the ground, the sunlight bouncing off their surface making little sparkles as the wind moves them along with the breeze. He looks to the sky,  flying starlings and pigeons casting shadows against the pale blue sky. For a few moments, he revels on the beauty he sees on the horizon. The sight warming him inside and out.

 

He turns his head to his back. There seated in the lawn chairs are his family. The woman who made him who is today smiling brightly at him. He smiles back, the woman winking back at him. Everyday he thanked the gods that the she is still with them, with him. Jay. His strength, his rock will continue to be in their lives for as long as she continues to fight the cancer that threatens to take her away from them. He will forever be grateful of the successful bone marrow transplant.  Fizzy being the perfect match for her. He glances at his siblings who were seated on the same row with his mother, his stepfather Dan holding her hand as he sits beside her. The youngest twins are running around the gardens, their laughter filling him with so much joy and adoration. At the opposite row, a group of people who he will call family soon are seated. Anne, Robin and Gemma. Their presence giving him so much pleasure, invigorating his being, making the moment so special. Soon, he tells himself. Soon.

 

“We are gathered here today to celebrate love. This afternoon, we come together to witnesses and proclaim the joining together of Liam James Payne and Zayn Javadd Malik. By your presence, you celebrate with them the love they have discovered in each other and support their decision to commit themselves to one another for the rest of their lives. The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved, loved for ourselves. If there is anything better than being loved, it is loving.”

 

“God does not make a love that is wrong. This is the union of two individuals in heart, body, mind and spirit. Therefore, marriage is not to be entered lightly, but reverently, honestly and deliberately. And it is into this union that Liam James Payne and Zayn Javadd Malik come now to be joined.”

 

There’s someone who catches his eye. The last few words spoken by the officiant turning into soft whisper in his ears. It’s like soft breeze in the summer wind, making a humming sound. He looked at the man standing beside one of the grooms. The suit he is wearing is impeccable. They purchased it together with his own a few weeks back in a posh boutique. It perfectly complemented his broad shoulders, his small hip, the slight curve of his buttocks and his long legs. His hand twitches as it yearns to caress his warm skin, creating miniscule goosebumps as his fingertips travels throughout the expanse of his body. The man looks at him adoringly, the intensity of his stare making him blush. He suddenly feels awkward, trying to hide his rosey cheeks with his hands. Harry just stop it. The bastard grins from the way he was making him feel. You won’t get away with this Styles. They are sharing a private thought at the moment, sending shivers down his spine. They will have their moment soon and he can’t hardly wait for it.

 

“Liam and Zayn, we have heard your promise to share your lives in marriage. We recognize and respect the covenant you have made here this day before God and each one of us as witness. Therefore in the honesty and sincerity of what you have said and done here today and by the power vested in me by Her Majesty’s Magistrate, it is my honor and delight to declare you married and partners in life and for life. You may seal your vows with a kiss, gentlemen.”

 

Loud cheering and clapping from all of their friends and family can be heard once Liam and Zayn finally kissed. With slightly repressed grins, he and Harry exchanged doe-eyed looks with one another. The moment is perfect. Their gazes lingered on one another, memorizing every little detail of each other’s faces. He mouths _I love you_ at Harry, his face beaming with such declaration. He in turn gives him a smile that could compete with the blazing sun. _I love you too_ he mouths back. In this exact moment, he knew their souls created a bridge, a bridge that will lead them to a lifelong of happiness together and always.

 

***

 

“Dance with me.”

 

“Now?”

 

“Yeah. Why, you shy Tomlinson?”

 

He sees Louis drop his eyes for a moment momentarily before looking back at him. Blue on Green. “You know Styles, you’ll soon be a Tomlinson too you know?” he sheepishly says.

 

The words Louis just said making his stomach flutter. Harry Tomlinson. He tries to keep the mood casual but his face showing how deliriously happy, even giddy he is. He grins “Come on old man, let’s make this night special. Let’s show ‘em how the Tomlinsons dance.” and grabs a hold of his hand and weaved their way from across the room.

 

Harry tugs him close, Louis chest almost touching his back. He slowly turns Louis once they’ve reached the middle of the dance floor, his head bending slightly to look at his face. Louis stared at him, wide eyed, blue eyes sparkling, as the lights dances across his face. He is swept away, his breath hitches. The sight is just beautiful, truly breathtaking. He grasps his left hand to his chest, his other hand wounding to the curve of Louis’ back, their bodies pressed from chest to their hips. The first few notes of the song fills the air, stirring him, making wonders in his soul. Louis clutches his hand tighter, the motion making him smile impishly.

 

[Kodaline’s **The One** starts playing]

 

“What?”

 

**Tell me, tell me what you want**

**and I’ll be your completely for better or for worse.**

 

“H, this is the same song played when we went here the first time, remember?”

 

“I know, baby. I passed a slip to the guitarist a while ago and asked them to play this song.”

 

“You sneaky ass.”

 

**I know, we’ll have our disagreements.**

**Be fighting for no reason, I wouldn’t change it for the world.**

The slow music envelopes the room, cascading through them, creating swirls of electricity so subtle it send shivers down their spine. He lowers his head, his lips brushing the crux of his neck softly. The smell of Louis making him heady. He feels Louis’ pulse quicken as his lips kisses his neck.

 

**‘Cause I knew, the first day that I met you**

**I was never gonna let you, let you slip away.**

**And I, still remember feeling nervous**

**trying to find words to get you here today.**

 

“I love you.” he hears Louis whisper. He tightens his grip on his waist, pressing their bodies slotting their hips closer.

 

“Lou.” he kisses his temple. “I love you too. So very much.”

 

Louis raises both his hands to his neck, interlocking his fingers behind it. His eyes are soft, holding his gaze for a moment. “Thank you for everything. I wouldn't be here if it weren’t for you.”

 

“We had help. It’s not just me.”

 

“But you build me up again, H. I wouldn’t have the confidence to come back in the team, if it weren’t for your help. I thought... I would never bounce back.”

 

“I’ll always be here, love. Wherever you go, I go with you.”

 

**You make my heart feel like it’s summer,**

**when the rain is pouring down.**

**You make my whole world feel so right when it’s wrong.**

**That’s how I know you are the one.**

**That’s how I know you are the one.**

 

Louis raises his head and kissed him slowly, his fingers scratching the back of his neck. His hands squeezed his hips as they sway to the music. The people around them chattering, not paying attention to the bubble they’ve created on themselves. His hips began to make their limbs move in perfect rhythm, indulging in the moment, where their heart beats in sync. Harry grins at him before placing his hand to his left hand, twirling him then dips him, his other hand cradling his neck. He snickers as he kisses his neck.

 

“Hmmm, are we putting on a show Styles?”

 

“I have to admit, love. Mr. Ferguson is already giving me the eye since we started dancing.”

 

“You wanna get out of here?”

 

“Yeah, Lou. Anywhere with you.”

 

**Life, It’s easy to be scared of.**

**With you I am prepared for, what is yet to come.**

**‘Cause our two hearts will make it easy**

**joining up the pieces, together making one.**

 

Louis flickered his eyes his through the crowd and sees Danny standing beside Niall. Their heads close together as they spoke, both still looking at them. Mr. Ferguson lifts his drink at them as they make their way out of the tent. He looked at Niall, his voice echoing through the room.

 

“Get a room you two!”

 

He flicks him, earning him a loud laugh. They make their way outside, still hand in hand. Louis turned his face back at him, a small smile ghosting his lips.

“I have an idea. We can still hear the music where we are going. So, it’s really not that far”

 

“Okay.”

 

**You make my heart feel like it’s summer,**

**when the rain is pouring down.**

**You make my whole world feel so right when it’s wrong.**

**That’s how I know you are the one.**

**That’s how I know you are the one.**

 

They had taken off their shoes, legs dangling, their bare feet barely touching the surface of the lake. Louis took him to the rock gardens, the faint sound of the music still lingers in the air. The moon casting soft shadows on his face, accentuating the sharpness of his cheekbones, the delicate swirl of his lashes. His lips are curved upwards, head leaned back looking at the sky. He casts his eyes away from the moon, then turns his head to him, a wide smile splitting his face.

 

“Thank you for saying yes to me, Harry.”

 

 

**When we are together you make me feel like my mind is free and my dreams are reachable.**

**You know I never ever believed in love, I believed one day that you would come along and free me.**

 

 

“I would always say yes to you, Lou.”

 

 

**You make my heart feel like it’s summer,**

**when the rain is pouring down.**

**You make my whole world feel so right when it’s wrong.**

 

 

“And I am too you too.”

 

He pulls his body to his, throwing his arm to his shoulders. Louis hands wrapping around his waist, his head resting on his chest.  He reaches for one of his hands, pulls it up to his mouth and kisses the back of his hand. Little sparks of pleasure fluttering his skin. Louis looks up tenderly kissing him in the mouth, his tongue gently skimming the line of his lips. A soft moan escaping his lips.

 

Louis breaks away from the kiss and looks him in the eye as he says, “I’ve lost you once, and I..I thought I would never have you back again. I was not strong enough before, I risked it all because I was broken. But with my brokenness, I learned I could not do it on my own. I had to get help. I had have my shattered self be whole again by letting you back. For you to find me again. I will always, always make it up to you. For breaking us, for making your heart break. My love, you are my life. Even if I ran away from you, my heart will always search for you. My heart and soul always leads me back to you, Harry. Believe me, I will love you always.”

 

He cups his face unto his hands, his nose nuzzling his cheeks which are now streaked with tears. Harry looked at the cerulean eyes he had loved for years. He couldn’t believe his luck the day he accidentally spilled his coffee on the man in front of him. In his hands is his eternity, the story that he will never want to end. His half, his love, his life. He can’t, he will not allow to lose this again. This is them, they’re two halves making one. They are whole again.

 

“Shut up, Lou and kiss me again.”

 

**That’s how I know you are the one.**

**That’s how I know you are the one.**

 

*******END*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're reading this, it means you stuck through the end!!! thank you, thank you, thank you. please leave comments, i would love to hear from you all!. love to you always :)


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